Many Facebook users like to illuminate dark corners of their lives, casting light where the sun rarely shines. They keep us plugged in to so many aspects of their daily existence! And thanks to recent changes Facebook made to its default privacy settings, they may be plugging in more of us than they bargained for.
Unlike in past years, when most users' status updates were viewable only to their friends or members of their "networks," changes made a couple months ago to Facebook's default setting left users' status updates exposed to the whole world (unless users proactively changed those settings back to a more restricted state). And now, using new search tools like Your Open Book, anyone can search and view all public Facebook status updates, on any subject they choose!
A few weeks back, I used this tool to find out who was masturbating in Facebook land. This week I decided to probe a new alley by searching on the word "buttplug" (with and without a hyphen). Let's find out what Facebook Nation had to say on this topic!
Lori is a satisfied customer!
Ashley has something interesting she could bring on Antiques Roadshow.
Nathan is recalibrating some of his preconceptions about higher education.
Clara is forgetful.
Ian is too!
Mandy is putting her fate in your hands!
Patrick says "boo ya!" -give that man a fist-bump!
Greg will have an interesting story to share at an A.A. meeting one day.
Megan needs to get a better handle on things.
A.J. is... uh... from the Netherlands, apparently. And now we know how to say "buttplug" in Dutch!
Well, that's all for now. But perhaps we'll share some more revealing Facebook updates soon-maybe including one from you!! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
Ned Frey has no updates to share at this time.
"Probe a new alley" .... get it?
Wait - you're supposed to take them out? Well, that explains a lot.
:
HA HA I GET IT
(took me a little while)
;
(hemicolectomy survivor)
I wanted to add "." but I realized that would only be funny to Brits.
Gavin Stanger-finally settled in to my new place butt I can't find the goddamn Chips Ahoy cookies. I could have sworn they were RIGHT HERE.
Ned, Missouri is the "Show Me" state. Not the Netherlands. Missouri.
Bedankt voor het vertellen me dat! Dat is echt goed om te weten!
There was something charmingly children's bookish about that, in a wonderfully inappropriate way.
Goofus gets drunk in bars and forgets where he left his buttplug.
Gallant always puts his buttplug away in the same place so he knows where to find next time.
If Goofus is anything like Megan or Mandy, it'll fairly easy to find.
I saw that one of the recent searches on openbook was oxy, so I clicked on it, only to find that people either a) think it's called "oxycotton" or b) are still lamenting the death of Billy Mays.
My Avatar has had a part-time career buttplug, or so he tells me, in the event anyone was wondering about the resemblance of form.
You can't really see his mouthquote at 60 pixels (or whatever), but it reads: (haha, colon)
"Why Don't You Shut Up"
- perhaps a lesson modern-day facebookers might put to use? hm?
*has had a part-time career in buttpluging
pardon, as I oof myself.
My avatar has a buttplug-like appearance as well ... or so I've been told.
Ha! That's terrible hip! I never even noticed till you pointed it out!
@Hippity: or a rectal q-tip, perhaps? (It's the blue and white.)
I just wanted to take this opportunity to mention that I've never had a facebook account.
Did I do that right? Or was I supposed to say that I don't have a TV so I don't know what the facebook status thing is.
Goddamn Facebook. I'll tell you what the hell is wrong with it: kids are plugged into their Facebook all day and night while the good, old-fashioned buttplug just fades away, like it never even existed. It's true! I saw a thing about it on the Internet, some article or something. Only 10 kids on Facebook were even talking about their buttplugs. Only 10! It's more unpopular than horse racing. I'm telling you, kids today don't give a damn about buttplugs anymore. It's a goddamn shame. Things change, I reckon. But what's gonna happen to the buttplug industry? Ever think about that? A once thriving industry crippled by a generation too self-focused to... you know, think about buttplugs and things and too self-focused because of Facebook or whatever. You know what I mean. It's just not right. Our generation, nobody ever had to remind us about our buttplugs. You remember your first buttplug? I remember mine. I was in a Truck Stop at Covington having breakfast when... hey, where you going?
I'm going to buy us an 8ball of meth. Where'd you think I was going?!
Think you can you scare up some Ranch dressing while you're out? I sure could go for some cowboy stew right about now.
:/, but I shaved this morning.
Hidden Valley Buttermilk. I don't want any of that Shur Fine shit.
Hey, you know that thing at the bottom of the cave in the final episode of "Lost"? I think it was kind of like a big, cosmic buttplug.
So the big secret at the end of "Lost" was that there's this giant buttplug that protects the world from evil!
I wonder if anyone predicted that ending?
The big secret at the end of "Lost" was that we were all going to get big cosmic John Irving butt plugs implanted against our wills.
I don't know if all of those updates are legit. In my town, any facebook profile left open and unattended must by law be immediately updated by a snickering friend of the profile owner, to include at least one reference to buttplugs and/or being gay (the "Kelly Clarkson" exemption allows for exceptionally creative snickering friends to forgo a buttplug reference in favor of an embarrassing concert shoutout, but is rarely employed).
Oh I agree. And many others are probably just jokes. But I think a good portion of them are probably serious. Like the one about 20-year old buttplug's birthday ... that one sounds real to me. I mean, you probably just can't make stuff like that one up.
20 years?? Um.. eww??
Have you seen 20 year-old weather-stripping? Or rubber trim on a
classic car? It comes off on your hand!
Likely: that buttplug was once a lot bigger than it is now.
I just want to know where my family heirloom collection of Steuben butt plugs disappeared to.
The patina on them tells a history untold in words.
Oh, those were YOURS??
... sure is quiet in here...
*crickets*
*coyote howl*
(do I have gas?)
I just learned that the last one isn't Dutch after all - it's afrikaans! At least, that's what Google Translate told me after I typed in the text.
Here's the translation I got back:
"as always so negative why do not you stay just still not? It will still damage an save your name? or can I buy you a butt-plug for your mouth? hmmm ... makes them such large sizes:?"
Those Afrikaners ... always making the buttplug jokes!
I noticed the spelling was messed up but thought it was just the Dutch version of text-speak. But I guess we now know what the Afrikaaners are: Dutch racists who traveled back in time from the internet.
Now let's try it with ben wa balls!
Ok, time for a littlepublic service announcement: Here's how to change your Facebook privacy settings so your status updates won't be visible to the whole world (if you don't want them to be):
1. Click the "Account" link in the upper right-hand corner of the Facebook homepage
2. Select "Privacy Settings."
3. Under the table that shows what's currently visible to whom (a new feature), click the "Customize settings" link.
4. Next to "Posts by me" (which includes status updates), change the default from "Everyone" to a more restricted privacy setting.
By the way, you might want check out the other settings on the "Customize settings" page to see if there's anything else you might want to change while you're at it. Facebook just redesigned this section a couple weeks ago to make it a little more user-friendly, so it's now somewhat easier to understand and change your settings than it used to be.