"There was absolutely no link between a woman's relationship status, the number of times she'd been on the receiving end of a breakup, or her body esteem and the number of gay male friends in her life," observes Scientific American's Jesse Bering of a recent study which debunks myths about the type of lady he calls "the elusive fag hag." In the course of the discussion, research psychologist Bering cites an impressive number of other appellations with which I was previously unfamiliar. "The French refer to such women as soeurettes ('Little Sisters'), the German brand them as Schwulen-Muttis ('Gay Moms'), and the Mexicans know them as joteras ('jota' is commonly used for 'fag'). In Japan, these women are called okoge, translated literally as 'the burnt rice that sticks to the bottom of the pot.'" And there are plenty of exciting variations in the English language as well!
[O]ther colorful expressions that capture this distinct demographic rather vividly, some less insultingly so than others, including:• Fruit fly
• Queen bee
• Queer dear
• Fairy godmother
• Fag shagger
• Queen magnet
• Hag along
• Swish dish
• Faggotina
• Homo honey
• Fairy collector
• Fairy princess
• Fagnet
Just so you know, Bering admits that he shed a tear at the recent passing of Rue McClanahan, which is as solid statement of credentials to open this kind of discussion as any other.
I prefer my faggotina sprinkled over broccoli rabe.
Funny, I like my faggotina warm and right before bed. Helps me sleep.
It's a delicious swish dish as an accompaniment to a big bowl of pasta fagala.
From the article:
"It occurred to me while writing this article that the social category of straight men that like to socialize with lesbians is astonishingly vacant in our society. Sure, you may hear about some random "dyke tyke" or "lesbro" (two terms that, unlike fag hag, are hardly part of the popular slang vocabulary and actually required me to do some intensive googling), but their existence is clearly minimal. Do you have any good guesses on why there's such a discrepancy in frequency between the two cases?"
I like lesbians. Hell, I was married to one. In my experience, there's always one woman in the relationship playing the dominant role who feels threatened by the outside male friend. I don't think gay men experience that very often with their straight female friends but I leave that issue for my gay brothers to address.
-shrug-, I mean... we don't have any hangups about watching!
Thus straight men are the "sexual threat" to "the husband" in the relationship. Or at least that's always the feeling I got.
all terrible jokes aside, it's true. It doesn't really work the other direction, sad to say.
yeah, I can't quite identify the gender dynamics but I suspect the jealous character in the straight lady-gay man relationship is more often HER partner, not his.
Heh. I am a straight guy and my best friend is a gay girl. It doesn't have anything to dow ith this topic I guess, since we don't "hang", we are just... you know, for lack of a better term I guess: friends.
Niko: Is she in a relationship? And do you hang with just her or her S/O too when she has one?
She is not in one now, but when she was I did hang out with the two of them, and we would still often hang out together without her woman, too. If that's what you are getting at: yep, her woman was quite a bit insecure about me, but than again, she was a very insecure person otherwise too.
Is your friend more lipstick or butch?
Well... to not oversimplify it: she is just a bit on the male side of the middle of the road, and likes those on the female side of that middle (makes for a very limited dating pool, I know). Her woman would never be butch (and the one I talked about was not), so it's not that I was being perceived as threat due to being more masculine. I think it was just due to being insecure without any bases in reason, which my friend tends to describe as "due to a woman being a woman" when she has enough of it.
Not to sound like I know anything about this, but I have some experience here. One of my (only) good friends is lesbian and in a relationship. I am straight. She is lipstick to the point where I didn't know she was gay at first and kind of hit on her for a while but once I figured it out, I felt like an idiot for not seeing it from the beginning. I don't think her s/o feels threatened and the three of us hang out sometimes. But that could be because we're not THAT good of friends.
Really, all those terms in so many different languages, and yet there's no such thing as, to pick one, a homo honey? What's next, that it doesn't snow in the Arctic?
The more heteronormative and male-centric a culture, the more viciously disparaged are the exquisite relationships between straight women and gay fellows, definitely out of fear and jealousy. Gay men make their girlfriends stronger in every way, and boy, some straight men dislike that.
Gay men who don't like women and deign to express it in public? God help you if you do it around my pal Baby, you'll get read, shred and dead before you put down your Amstel Light!
This is a wise observation and it saddens me to see it has gone unacknowledged all day, so: yup!
@me2me: Everything that bookish says is true. Even when she lies, bookish is being truthful. Remember that always.
My friend and I discovered another species a few weekends past:
Straight Men Who Go to Gay Bars to Hit on Straight Women.
Lecherous Cockteasius
I go to gay bars to hit on lesbians. This one time, a gyno/midwife gave me a seashell. I still have it.
I have a gay friend who gets angry about this because he is often turned into an Unwitting Wingman for an doltish straight guy.
I have a friend who is a club owner, and he told me once that the ideal mix for a successful bar/lounge is 60% gay, 30% straight females, and 10% cool straight guys who figured out that it's the best place to meet women.
Fag Hag Stag.
Straight girls always, always used to get the straight boys to tag along to the gay clubs, back in my day (L'ancien 1990's.) I wasn't there to cocktease anybody. I was just there to dance like a complete dork and hopefully get laid, if I was so lucky.
In the late 80's, the Stud on Folsom St. used to be an awesome place to pick up girls. I didn't dwell on the politics of it at that age, and now that I'm old I can't remember what they were.
I'm so terrible at bar pick-ups I wouldn't even try it but occasionally at gay bars I'd just sort of fall into some girl's bed. But I never did it on purpose, I swear!
@Vulpes: You've just accurately described Akbar, in Los Feliz.
@MNIMA: Well it's the girl's fault for bringing her bed to the gay bar in the first place.
is there a term for straight men that love their gay friends and would cut and gut a motherfucker for them?
A good friend.
Bro?
*(you've been Iced)
my gay friends wouldn't need any help, they could handily disembowel an asshole or two on their own- but you best believe I'd have the knives out.
I call those guys family, because they are.
This is the sweetest sub-thread ever. And I'm being serious not mean.
It’s funny: I am assuming that you are straight based on your decision to use “motherfucker” instead of “bitch.”
I hate the gay guys who sneer and deride "fag hags" as only a bunch of fat girls who are pathetically in love with their gay friend. I guess those exist, but nothing beats the glory of a dear female pal who will do "gay stuff" with you.
Of course, I equally hate straight women who "love" gay men, but really just see them as pets they can coo over and laugh at the antics of. We're not accessories!
By "gay stuff," do you mean shop for a new rug, schlep to the good antique stores in Jersey and eat fancy meals at cute places with hot gay waiters? 'Cause I think that's "girl stuff"! Hee.
Not accessories, except in some of the above-described cut and gut situations.
yeah, my best gay friend hates, hates the term "gay boyfriend" and is super sensitive if I or anyone else implies he is in some sort of stereotypical relationship. then he orders 5 diet cokes and criticizes my haircut.
You knew this had to happen.
Just the fags, ma'am?
or 'Drag'net.
#spinoffs
Can't wait for a dance remix of "City Of Crime"
I am kind of tempted to work on one when I get home.
Women who like bears:
- Goldilocks
- Den Mother
All these terms are much easier to spit out than Seemingly Capable Independent Woman Who Would Appear to Have a Beacon in the Shape of Madonna Shining Above Her.
Seriously, if I'd known as a tot what it meant that my favorite character from Star Wars was C3PO, I'd have understood with great clarity what my adult life would be like.
You win the internet for today.
I'm a gay guy who thought I was straight and crushed on lesbians who I also thought were straight. I believe the proper term is "naive".
For how long did this go on?
Until I was 19 or 20, and it was really only like one or two lesbians.
fag hag < fruit fly < fairy princess
I don’t use “fag hag.” It’s just not a nice term.