Monday, June 21st, 2010

Tom Cruise Movies In Ascending Order of Tom Cruise's Hotness

THIS SKY! IT IS SO... VANILLA!34. Tropic Thunder
33. Magnolia
32. The Last Samurai
31. Far and Away
30. Taps
29. Born on the Fourth of July
28. Mission Impossible 3
27. Endless Love
26. All the Right Moves
25. Legend
24. Losin' It
23. Lions for Lambs
22. Valkrie
21. Jerry Maguire
20. Mission Impossible 2
19. War of the Worlds
18. The Outsiders
17. Knight and Day
16. Austin Powers in Goldmember
15. Collateral
14. Rain Man
13. Young Guns
12. Minority Report
11. Eyes Wide Shut
10. Mission Impossible
9. The Color of Money
8. Interview with the Vampire
7. Days of Thunder
6. Cocktail
5. Risky Business
4. Vanilla Sky
3. A Few Good Men
2. Top Gun
1. The Firm

34 Comments / Post A Comment

Bittersweet (#765)

Tom Cruise is hot? Really?

saythatscool (#101)

Tom Cruise was in Young Guns? I think he lost his sheen by that point. Or maybe he was still a diamond in the rough.

Chris (#5,644)

Best character in Young Guns was that guy who always had chew in his mouth. He totally hated Lou Diamond, but in the end Lou Diamond came through with the horses like he said he would! The point is, never doubt Lou Diamond Phillips.

Abe Sauer (#148)

"Because we're in the spirit world, asshole. They can't see us." That was Dermot Mulrony

Chris (#5,644)

Yes! That dude was awesome.

Matthew Lawrence (#4,252)

The one time I ever stayed at the home of a former child actor–my college friend ended up living with Ferguson from Clarissa Explains It All, which I thought was really hilarious at the time–I was really surprised to see the score to The Firm on top of his piano. Apparently it's his favorite piece of music, according to my college friend, and now I can't really think of that movie without thinking of Melissa Joan Hart.

Tablefornone (#3,264)

So are you going to give us a Ferg Alert in the form of a Where Are They Now? Or are you just going to leave us hanging?

keisertroll (#1,117)

Wow. Just, wow.

garge (#736)

This is also sort of more poignant because you share the name of a Lawrence brother?

Chris (#5,644)

I assume #4 is pre-accident Cruise, right? I TOTALLY SPOILED THE MOVIE.

It wasn't an accident! It was punishment for not keeping the promise his body made when he had sex with Cameron Diaz.

When *it* had sex, I meant.

Chris (#5,644)

Of course. I should've known.

deepomega (#1,720)

Sorry, I wont' stand for a list of Tom Cruise movies that doesn't feature Magnolia in the top 10. Doesn't matter what the list is, I want that movie to have more presence.

Please get a revised version on my desk by the morning.

Miles Klee (#3,657)

sad that greasy misogynist cruise is apparently more attractive than fat-suit cruise

Miles Klee (#3,657)

(by one notch)

sunnyciegos (#551)

Magnolia is one of my top ten "emperor has no clothes" movies of all time. All signifiers and no significance. When they all started singing at the end I wanted to blow my brains out.

That said, Tom Cruise was not bad in it.

hortense (#2,780)

The hair really is crucial. And clearly the man can wear a uniform.

I will always have a soft spot for "quintessential 80s soundtrack" Tom Cruise, as well. My brain is now trying to sing "Danger Zone" and "Kokomo" at the same time as a result of this list, and I'm not mad about it.

jfruh (#713)

I specifically saw Vanilla Sky because I wanted to gloat when Tom Cruise became hideously deformed. When even that gave me no pleasure, I knew I had to stay away from Tom Cruise and his ilk, forever. (No, I have no idea how I ended up enjoying Minority Report.)

Miles Klee (#3,657)

had to do with philip k. dick i assume

Or Colin Farrel.

Kevin (#2,559)

Mostly the dick.

It's the cool cyber gloves, the idea of getting high off your inhaler (asthmatics on the cutting edge!) and Samantha Morton doing her Christopher Walken-Dead Zone schtick in the mall.

HiredGoons (#603)

@Miles: or Max von Sydow.

HiredGoons (#603)

'Interview' is 'Twilight' for adults and gays.

In a good way.

keisertroll (#1,117)

At least Anne Rice didn't become a radical Christian until AFTER she wrote her crazy vampire novel.

laurel (#4,035)

Lindsay, does this imply that you have seen all of these Tom Cruise movies? Because, gah.

mrschem (#1,757)

'All The Right Moves' is at 26? huh?

lawyergay (#220)

True story: I had my first clumsy sex with another boy after seeing "All the Right Moves." There're some good ass shots in the locker room scene

Crantastical (#4,127)

Legend is at 25? What??

Phillip Puryear (#5,664)

I have an unnatural attraction to assholes so Les Grossman (Tropic Thunder) and Frank T. J. Mackey (Magnolia) would be closer to the top of my list.

CheeseLouise (#2,074)

How is Far and Away so low? He was hot back then. Far and Away was my second ever Favorite Movie of All Time (it supplanted If Looks Could Kill with Richard Grieco).

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