In what seems like an unexceptional moment in the history of blogging, this gay Irish youngster wrote on his blog about his enormous abs and how much he likes them! But actually, it's fascinating? We mock people who work out, and think they're stupid, even while we demand that our famous people have absurd bodies. (Even their non-famous younger brothers have to work out.) There's a funky stew of jealousy, desire, hatred-and, naturally, animal compulsion to look. So his explanation of what it's like for him when taking off his shirt and having people sort of explode is really interesting.
You may be interesting, smart, sweet, nice, great. But I attract looks. When I take my shirt off, the guys look. Straight guys envy me, their own lack of discipline reflected in my abs. They're turned on not by me, but by the life I represent, something out of the soft-porn story section in their blokey magazines. Gay guys want me, desire to touch me, their eyes like fingers unbuttoning my shirt, slowly, gently sliding the tips of their fingers along the topography of the gutters between each muscle. This gives me confidence I didn't always have.I used to by a quiet kid, my secrets making me shy away from people, from connections. I remember the moment it changed, when I first took off my shirt at a pool party. Everyone gasped. Mates, their girlfriends, everyone just looked. I remember that feeling. That was me, being marveled for my will, for my accomplishment.
I work hard on my abs and they remind me of who I am now. A strong young man among men who look up to my resolve, my will. Because of my stomach, I know who I am.
So if you think that's shallow, look in the mirror. Are you happy? Do you see yourself as you think you should be? Okay. If not, do something.
Abs have put me ill-at-ease ever since I heard someone refer to them as "cum gutters."
Aren't they cocaine rail trails?
fuckyeahjizzumgulch dot tumblr dot com
Please tell me that is already a tumblr.
Where do I buy these soft-porn blokey magazines?
About a million years ago, I used to write the soft-porn story section in Penthouse Letters. It's not as fun as it sounds.
:( Oh he means those. I thought the blokes would be soft porny.
Books, one of my friends used to write the letters for Barely Legal, Leg World and Busty Beauties. She had mixed views of that gig.
BTW, when are we having cocktails??
Who wants their porn-blokes soft?
I think STC is coming to town soon, let's make a plan, babe!
@BadUncle: There are cocktails (and lemon squares! And bourbon balls! Provided my co-workers don't scarf them all!) tonight if you'd like to join! The Scratcher (209 E. 5th Street) at 7.
@Booky@BadU: *sigh* SO unfair.
@Jolie: *sniff*
@scrolly: Come on up, girl child. Ain't you heard of Amtrak? You know I have been just dying to say, "Bad Unc, I'd like to introduce you to Scrolly"!
@Booky- I know, I know. I will do it- I have to hear it, too!
Scrolly, until you get here, we'll light a candle and place it on a lemon square with your name. And then eat that little bastard. Oh yes. Lemon squares...
@BadU- Limoncella squares, Unc! In the meantime I'll FedEx you a lifesize cardboard Scrolly cut out in my stead. You can draw a fu manchu 'stache on it. Don't let STC give it a dirty sanchez, though.
Dear Penthouse Forum:
I never used to believe those stories I read in the Penthouse Forum -- until one happened to me!
The expression "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" has never seemed so charmless.
Bet he's got a face made for radio.
Yes, exactly.
"Hey there's Ron. ... Whoa! What the fuck?!"
Where did YOU take anatomy? The way to a man's heart is through his chest. There are special saws to deal with the ribs.
@ BL: ie the Situation's face.
@Shang: Now, I think I told you I did my grad work at Fucksamatta U. Their meat locker is state-of-the art!
Why "Ron"? Why not Rex?
This just reminds me that sadly, Taylor Lautner has made an entire @#@#% career out of his abs.
Wait 'til you hit 40.
Great. I only have fourteen years to get hot.
Right, kid, don't forget to have a backup plan.
Like a roid gut. See: Carl Weathers in 'Predator'.
rock-hard flabs.
their own lack of discipline reflected in my abs
He misspelled "narcissism".
Ha!
I'm starting to believe The Awl is nothing but a giant Tumblr aggregation mechanism. Not that I'm complaining.
Pam Anderson's book + find: boobs, replace: abs = this
Can you explain that to someone not very good at math?
nip/tuck = cut/paste
@Booky- you have to carry the one.
HA ha ha. Now America is ruining Europe FROM THE INSIDE!
Kind of like that scene in Alien! Except instead of an alien it's, you know, abs.
Like six aliens are bursting forth at once!
He had me mesmerized until he used "topography" instead of "topology".
An opportunity for advanced math on a stomach ... wasted.
Don't let his rock-hard cum-gutters deceive you: he used 'topography' correctly, i.e. pertaining to 'the description of surface shapes and features.'
Talking about his abs' topology would imply that his abs (or other peoples') somehow behave differently under continuous deformation. For example, if his belly button was a hole that went all the way through his midsection, his topology would be different from mine. Conversely, doing sit-ups and avoiding Double Downs is sufficient to make his topography different from mine. (My stomach is a convex 2D manifold, I am sad to say.)
riotnrrd, will you have sex with me?
Topologically, we are ALREADY having sex! So, yes.
My parents' generation used to call this self-reverie "navel gazing." And so it is.
My wallet attracts much more attention than his abs. Oh I kid. But you know - Capitalism and all that.
I'm going to counter this with the 15yo gay kid from Kentucky who is fighting to get LGBT books on his library shelves.
There, the universe is balanced out again. Now back to starting at abs.
http://janettrumble.wordpress.com/2010/06/15/gay-teen-bloggerbook-reviewer-takes-librarians-to-task-over-lgbt-lit/
That kid is 15? He has more insight and self esteem than most of my thirty-something peers (including maybe myself).
Isn't naming your kid Destinie considered child abuse?
@pattycakes: he is braver (more brave? m'eh) than I probably am NOW.
Defined abs are a big turn off. Call me, fatties!
a/s/l?
Chiseled abs on women are kind of gross.
there, I said it.
I agree. Flat abs, but not chiseled.
I like the little round Marilyn Monroe tummy. You get a bit of bounce with that action.
totally. Curvy stomachs? Lovely. Slim stomachs? Lovely. Six packs? 60-year old Madonna.
@Booky: I hear you, but I saw several bouncy round little tummies at the pool last weekend in bikinis and it was not good. Gave me vertigo just watching.
@art: Madonna's six pack are cans of Ensure.
Six pack abs on women almost singlehandedly extended my bisexuality phase by a few years.
I didn't say erstwhile lesbians-trapped-in-male-bodies couldn't have an appreciation for them, KT!
@AY: Call me old-fashioned, but when I see a worked-out Apollo's belt on a hipless chick, I get the dry heaves.
@Scrolly: Call me old-fashioned, but the bounce to which I was referring is the kind that guys get when they are on top of said little round tummy. Team Missionary.
@Booky- oh, that's a bounce of a different color!
AY: I'm still a better actor than Anne Heche.
Boing!
@KT: You still have occasional wet dreams about ca.1993 Susan Powter- don't you!
@Bookish,
comment A: totally, gack me with a spoonerism.
comment B: what deepo said! Boing!
"Because of my stomach, I know who I am."
More weird or sad?
See, yeah. This kind of thinking seems like it could lead to a devastating too-much-too-young surgery cycle. (See Everett, Rupert.)
Do the scars on his forearm mean he's a cutter? I was confused at 21 also.
I think he's just cut
I thought they were cat scratches. Which I kind of liked.
As a friend of mine pointed out, this guy labels his Tumblr as primarily a fiction site. But damn my loins want me to believe.
I would guess that that's an advance defense against his parents finding it, but who knows. As our beloved Awl has recently informed us, all bloggers are goddam phonies.
I come to mock, but stay to watch him take his shirt off again.
Men who understand objectification is a two-way street are rare indeed.
Emmis. CD, rare is the het male who will not try to shame you when you innocently say, "Those pants fit you rather well."
CHOIRE, CAN I GET SOME CREDIT FOR DYLAN EFRON PLS, THANK YOU.
SINCERELY, CHESTER T. MOLESTER
choire, can i get some credit for reblogging the abs of asher pls THANKS sincerely,
i mean, before i had coffee and everything. instincts.
Translation: Blah blah blah blah blah my penis is nothing special blah blah.
Ha!
His blog says he writes fiction. Now what would be even less interesting is if he's the expression of a writer's fantasy and satire. But the secondary characters here (blogger, commenters) provide an interesting enough chorus of syncretic desire to make it worth it.
There is wanting to be looked at, and there is wanting to be *seen*.
Perhaps one day he will discover the difference. Perhaps he doesn't care.
Dear Sir:
Welcome to the world of being a big-titted woman.
@cherri: HA! He has no idea about looks. Pfft.
I want to take a spaceship to that world.
It's quite something, Cap'n. The leering, winking, jawdropping. This guy's ab stares pale in comparison to the havoc generous mams incite.
I would go a bit further and submit that ab overdevelopment is just Tit Envy internalized and macho'd up.
What of pectorals, then, Bookish?
And it's comparable to if a female could work out obsessively to attain a nice chest. (miss you, booky)
Pecs are too much LIKE tits to be tits. Ever read Freud, babe?
^^ For Mr. Knox
Got it, and I have. So the abs are a breast equivalence, but they fool themselves into thinking that the pecs are for self protection, like wrasslin' a mountain lion or something?
@KK: Yes, the man tits can't get too big, because that reads as "gay"; the alternative is the abs, and also the truly fetish-y muscles like the lats, the delts, the triceps, etc.
I hope the internet is still around in 30 yrs. We can follow this buff young lad as he moves into his 20's (fuckin fit!), his 30's (ok, still not quite fat), his 40's (man, it's getting hard to not be rilly fat).
Add 20 lbs if he finds a long-term partner. Considering his entire self-esteem is based around his stomach, it might not be so easy.
But do you have to have a kind-of outie to have abs like this? I don't know if I could deal with that price.
Meanwhile my flabby gut and incipient man-boobs on an otherwise skinny frame make me not want to be seen, ever. Of course, no one's looking at me in the first place. Oops, gotta go! Need to get some chocolate to drive the self-hatred away!
Hummm ... am a bit suspicious (based of course on my total ignorance and lack of knowledge about 15 yo's).
I have $10 that this guy turns out to be a phony. And I don't mean a real phony (aka Holly Golightly), am talking someone (well over 15) that has a 15-yo online alter-ego that "writes fiction" when he isn't doing sit-ups.
(He's actually claiming 21. The 15 year old is in Hired Goons' link.)
got it ... that makes more sense ...
I'm ok with my condition of abnormal.
This post diminishes me.
This guy is a phony. I was born at night, but not last night.
Oh, I don't know, the self-regard seems pretty real. And the writing's nothing spectacular.
It's the sort of prose one is not unaccustomed to expecting from a Weider weight-lifting magazine (Averted Gaze). I would not be surprised if this chap authored informative but astonishingly douchy article on getting "Barn Door Delts" and "Vicious Traps" and the like.
@Toby: That's a good line and I'm stealing it.
I can't take credit for it, it's a pretty famous line!
This post is somewhat insightful, but once you skim down the rest of his site it becomes apparent that he's more obsessed with his looks than anyone else is.
That's evidence of his resolve and will? When did it stop being a sign of deep insecurities?
"navel glazing" eh?