Monday, June 7th, 2010
15

Humans, It Is Urgent That You Stop Whatever It Is That You're Doing And Watch This Video Immediately

disregardThere was recently an article posted in this space alerting you to another article about how increased use of computer technology is supposedly be changing your ability to focus. If you were paying attention, which you probably weren't, you may have read that University of California neuroscientist Adam Gazzaley thinks, "We are exposing our brains to an environment and asking them to do things we weren't necessarily evolved to do. We know already there are consequences." Or that Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute of Drug Abuse and one of the world's leading brain scientists, agrees, saying, "The technology is rewiring our brains." NEW ALERT: in the unlikely event that you were in fact paying attention, DISREGARD PREVIOUS COMMUNICATION. The second article cited above is 3639 words long. That is 3,499 more characters than you have been programed to process, not even counting punctuation marks. HA! HA! HA! To avoid overload, CLOSE TAB and watch this video.

THERE. Don't you feel better now? You should. That saxophone solo was programmed using state-of-the-art 1970s technology to increase the flow of dopamine to the human cerebral cortex. PACIFY YOURSELVES WITH LOU GRAMM, MEATBAGS. END COMMUNICATION!

15 Comments / Post A Comment

This brings up an important question (well, two):

Do The Machines want to know what love is? Do they want us to show them?

C_Webb (#855)

Are they old enough? Will they be ready when we call their bluff?

Art Yucko (#1,321)

UUUUhhuuuhhhghghghgllghglhh. GuhhOOODD that was good, Machines. You know how to tickle my sausage casing where the fat lies. Can I have a hit of: OUTFIELD: PLAY DEEP next?!

Art Yucko (#1,321)

NNGNNGGGH. TAKE THIS IN YOUR PORTHOLE. I'M GONNA BLOW YOUR L.E.D.'S OUT YOU PARTITIONED LITTLE WHORE. AWYEAH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRkTqOdgSeY

C_Webb (#855)

Goodness. I feel I should offer you something, but it's definitely not a lemon square.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

@C_Webb: thanks… I think I'm good now!

roboloki (#1,724)

art, we should make a machine cetipede and show 'em who's boss.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

I am impressed with your depth of The Outfield knowledge.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

@robo: Hall & Oates head up the front segments, that's just like duh. Who gets to play caboose? Seals& Crofts? Steve Winwood? I think Rupert Holmes could handle the pressure.

@pete: they publish those Time-Life "Best Soft Rock hits of the 70's" box-sets with schmucks like me in mind.

theheckle (#621)

Can I assume that the urgency referenced in the title of this song is related to the exceeding tightness of Lou's pants?

I read Lou Gramm and visualized Lou Dobbs. My eyes, my eyes afha;jf;asdfasdafdf!!

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Yeah, well I first read it as Phil Gramm (seriously), which confused the fuck outta me.

nyssa23 (#4,503)

Too much multitasking.

nyssa23 (#4,503)

@pete: Too much multitasking?

nyssa23 (#4,503)

ARGH NO DELETE BUTTON!

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