Monday, June 21st, 2010
42

A Letter to the Editor of 'The Paris Review' from the Year 2020

A blogging-place on Teh Webs called The Paris Review is now all became recent-wise more "friendly" to the way us we here uneducated personages speak and write the English, which is a language. Good for thems! The words change over times! Here are what they can expect in their e-mailboxes in the near-future-times. (Yes, we do has us a time machines!)

DEER PARIS REVIEW

42 Comments / Post A Comment

scroll_lock (#4,122)

They're going to say the margins are off on this.

keisertroll (#1,117)

And not enough questions, particularly about increasing your penis size.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

They will also have a prollum with the protagonist. Who would have *snuck* into their bro's room to read instead of ICING said bro? Talk about suspension of disbrolief.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Oh, my goodness. One of them those hath accuzez-vous of being "Nick Denton-esque."

Which is a word, y'all. According to the OED, it is an intransigant verb, meaning "Srsly snuck up."

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Did we make sure they used an en dash in that phrasal adjective with an open compound? If not, the argument has no credibility.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Wait yo- I thot dat inna futur id jus talk2 my pokkit IBM Watson an itd do all th thinking & sexting 4 me!

keisertroll (#1,117)

The future of language could always be worse:

http://www.ecphorizer.com/EPS/site_page.php?issue=7&page=29

spostaby (#1,081)

Paper still exists in 2020?

Yes. It's people.

PAPER IS PEOPLE!!!!!

keisertroll (#1,117)

Soylent White

spostaby (#1,081)

Ah, that's why paper's been tasting so good recently.

You should go to a doctor, you might have pica.

garge (#736)

This flame war makes me sooo-oh happy!, which is great because I seem to be having a paradoxical reaction to tea this morning.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

You mean "paradoksikal," right?

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Blah. This is obviously a reply to the comment above.

keisertroll (#1,117)

'paraprosdokial'

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

This is a fun geighm.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Also, Choire misspelled 'ghey'.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

ngeh.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Y'know, for a snarky and homocentric entity with a time machine, The Awl hasn't lived up to its potential.

In short, can you bring me back a hot Eloi guy from the year 8971?

What I learned from the Paris Review's comments section:

Rebecca is very efficient at posting firsties (protip: quote a line from the article, add adulatory sentence fragment, DONE).

Bud Parr's mom always warned him about hanging out at the playground with the big kids.

Kevin has all the Paris Review trading cards.

Steven Augustine took 4 minutes to come up with an outstandingly lame dis. Good work, Steve! (also: research!)

Louisa Thomas has undermined her argumentum ad consequentiam with an argumentum ad verecundiam.

Steven Crandall has a ton of clichés that he's been aching to use, and dammit he's going to use them.

Drew has a low threshold for brutality and wears a size XL t-shirt.

Jason's coworkers hate him.

Carnage Hall (#5,633)

UPDATE: Choire evidently does not have an oversized head.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

Choire will not tolerate his website being called 'Denton-esque.' I like to imagine he threw something across the room when he read that.

Carnage Hall (#5,633)

He probably just punched a pillow and said "nuts!"

garge (#736)

Although I would definitely wear a shirt that reads SNEAKED on the front and had a big awl on the back. In fact, I would also wear a shirt the sez SNUCK on the front and PARIS REVIEW BLOG on the back, iron'c'l'eh.

Carnage Hall (#5,633)

Ah, yes, Iron'c'l'eh, cousin to mighty Cthulhu and ruler of the blue-litten realm of K'n-yan. Long have I watched in horror as the hellish visitors from L'gy'hx parleyed with the hidden gate to that ghastly inner world, wherein they nightly snuck.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

I might be on board with the snuck wars except that, in round two, you also knocked "y'all." I LIKE HAVING A SECOND PERSON PLURAL, OK?

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I utilize y'all onna reg, but then again: South of Mason-Dixon.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

Likewise. But it is an objectively useful word to have.

I'm with youse.

Yinz are right on.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Why don't they have any upskirt fotos of Paris Hilton on their lame-o site?

Carnage Hall (#5,633)

That would be the Perez Review.

One door down, two floors up.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I told u Snooki wuz a smarty

ecgroom (#570)

Does this mean I should cancel my subscription?

NinetyNine (#98)

I think I am ambivalent about this dispute?

Blahg Wars.

wb (#2,214)

Bloggers arguing about language on the Teh Internetz gives me hope. Luvs you both, The Awl and Paris Review.

Heavens to Betsy! Suffice it to say I lawled.

Also Language Log is back in on it today: http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=2401

This is getting spicy! Sad the Awl is on the wrong side.

Carnage Hall (#5,633)

The Hunting of the Snuck

They sought it with Choire, they sought with Balk
They pursued it with Awl thread pageviews
They threatened its life with commenter talk
They charmed it with the Paris Review

bb (#295)

wait, is it just me or is Choire saying in the comment over there that the whole reason was just for pageviews for THEM? since I'm guessing that the Paris Review blog doesn't exactly rival anything, Denton-esque or not, as far as SEO goes? and this whole thing is kind of a joke on the easy comments anyone can get on a post about a grammatical quibble?

or am I meta-meta-enabling. is monday over yet?

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