Today in Facebook Status Updates: Who’s Masturbating Now?

FACEBOOK! IT'S MAGIC!Thanks to the glory of the Internet, you can now learn more than just what your Facebook friends are up to; you can also get intimate updates on the lives of total strangers. Your Open Book uses theFacebook API to enable anyone to search all public status updates by keywords. And given that Facebook changed its privacy settings last December to make all status updates visible to the entire Internet by default (unless users changed them back a more restricted setting), most Facebook status updates these days are probably public ones-whether the people who posted them know it or not.

I just tested out the new site by typing in the word “masturbating,” and below are some of the results I got. Some are joking. And for others, it’s possible some of these folks know that they’re telling the whole world how much they (or their family members) love to love themselves. Or maybe they’re just really overshare-y. Either way, they probably fall into the category that a certain corporate CEO might have called “dumb fucks” back in his college years, although he’d probably opt for the more polite term “users” today.

Anyway, on to the updates…. let’s see who’s been masturbating.

nicky
Nicky likes to hear from you, but has priorities.

clariie
Clariie is not afraid of splinters.

jordan
Jordan may be from near the “Show Me” state, but is probably still in big trouble with his Mom.

ladii
Ladii just gave her son JoeJoe something new to talk to his therapist about 20 years from now.

andy
Andy has been bringing new meaning to the word “carjacking.”

grace
Grace is skilled at online/offline multitasking.

Neat. When next we troll the Facebook status archives, perhaps we’ll look for something a little less personal… like who’s been afflicted with crabs or irritable bowel syndrome. Until then, happy updating, Facebook Nation!