Thursday, May 20th, 2010
26

Strip Club In Old Schoolhouse Puts New Twist On Town Vs. Gown Tensions


A new strip club in south-central Illinois is operating out of a long-unused schoolhouse that, according to the Chicago Tribune, was once a place "where people gathered to sing hymns, attend 4-H meetings and sell homemade pies." But after the Pioneer School was sold off for a mere $36,000 to local entrepreneurs who transformed it into The School House, the place had its "homey Midwestern feel" wiped clean. Out were the 4-H meetings; in was "a poster titled 'Class Rules' that reads 'Keep hands off dancers'" and a VIP room inside what was once the teachers' lounge. The hymns are still there, though, thanks to people who protest the club nightly with a sign that reads, "Does your family know where you are? Jesus does." No word on if the homemade pies were replaced with nightly spins of Warrant's "Cherry Pie," which seems like a crucial detail to leave out.

26 Comments / Post A Comment

Bubbles (#5,041)

Aside from the part where it's in Illinois, this is pretty much my dream. *off to look for foreclosed schools*

OMG is the pole painted to look like a giant pencil maybe? And is the VIP room called Detention? Oh, the possibilities.

garge (#736)

I believe you!

deepomega (#1,720)

I am opposed to strip clubs, but I am also opposed to singing hymns outside of strip clubs. Who do I side with?!

Tuna Surprise (#573)

It's "Whom do I side with." Or wait…is it "With whom do I side". No that sounds wrong too. "With whom shall I side"? No, still too douchey. Grammar sucks. Show us your tits!

deepomega (#1,720)

One of the first things I worked on was a logo for a Playboy channel game show called Show Us Your Wits.

nyssa23 (#4,503)

Tuna: I hope there is a sign in that strip club reading exactly that. "Grammar sucks! Show us your tits!"

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

Road trip!!!!

Matthew Lawrence (#4,252)

Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise?

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I nominate myself for Vice-Princpal. where's my paddle

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Oh sure, it does seem pretty awesome, but I still maintain that the gold standard of central Illinois strip clubs remains the Kappa Kabanna.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Not Big Al's??

tiny dancer (#1,774)

I'm with KarenUhOh on this.

tigolbitties (#2,150)

where is this place in central illinois?!?! in chambana all we have is the silver bullet – i've never been but i here the ladies are… dicey.

tiny dancer (#1,774)

Wasn't there a club other than the Silver Bullet in the area? Sorry, I'm hungover and it has been a bit for me. The club in the post is in Neoga, about 60 miles south of Champaign.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Karavan Lounge, Rantoul, back in the day. But by now all their talent is probably in their seventies.

Come to think of it, that may be about 20 years short.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Karen, I am an anti-Peorite.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Oh, and @tigolbitties: Kappa is just outside Normal. It is a desolate wasteland of a burg whose only notable feature is the aforementioned Kabanna, a truly depraved place.

tigolbitties (#2,150)

@pete thanks! i've alerted the crew and we're putting this on our must see list. and maybe this karavan lounge also – i heard there was a club in rantoul…

Sounds about right. I did best masturbating in school.

C_Webb (#855)

What with the sad state of the tenure track job market, they should advertise in the Chronicle of Higher Education. Stripping can't possibly be worse than teaching nine sections of comp for adjunct pay and no benefits.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Neoga is where you go if you're not sophisticated enough to cut it in Effingham.

"Effingham"??! Is this a real place?
Like Cockfosters?

KarenUhOh (#19)

I had a great aunt and uncle from SE Illinois. Their nearest town? And this is not a lie: "Pinkstaff."

Heee! That's wonderful. The midwest counterpart to Intercourse and Bird-in-Hand! (And Blue Ball and Virginville.)

petejayhawk (#1,249)

OMG how did I miss this earlier? Effingham! The Flaming Hearts!

MikeBarthel (#1,884)

But teachers' lounges are demonstrably the least sexy places on earth. I can only imagine the VIP room smells like burnt coffee and sadness.

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