"The Rusty Knot is the most stoner of all my places. It's kind of like the basement we all had when we grew up where we first smoked pot."
-Manhattan restaurateur Ken Friedman describes his black-light-poster decorated west side spot in a way that does not make me want to eat there. I remember that basement. The pot was kept balled up in an old sock behind a radiator. There was a mother cat with a litter of new kittens in a box in the corner. And the featured entree was cold Beefaroni scooped straight out the can with green plastic army men figures. (Oh, hey: internet research shows that, first of all, "Beefaroni" is spelled without hyphens, but also that Chef Boyardee now has a product line called "Forkables." This is a hilarious word in its own right. But it makes me wonder whether marketing execs are missing an opportunity in not creating an "army-menables" version.)
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
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I love how he's trying to described The Rusty Knot in a feeble attempt to distract from the fact it's a fucking Look At My Striped Shirt bar.
When did LAMSS go blog-to-book? I totally missed that.
(BTW, does the "striped shirt" trope even hold true anymore?)
::looks left::
::locks rigth::
::speaks into a cupped hand::
I think it was one of the first blog-to-book deals...
(what edit function?)
See, we used to order bacon pizza. Because we were AHEAD OF THE CURVE, INTERNET.
We ate mushrooms.
Smoking pot in the basement was a good idea if you wanted to get caught.
I still have flashbacks to the time I ate half a box of Jiffy cornbread mix with a spoon.
Half a box of chocolate chip cookie mix constituted with a bit of fat-free half & half, plastic spoon. I wasn't even stoned.
Box of vanilla cake mix in a bowl, no liquid needed, age 13. Also not stoned.
Every time I have a pint of Ben & Jerry's I remember I shouldn't have eaten a pint of Ben & Jerry's.
SO MUCH CHEERIOS.
No lie, in college my roommate got his cat high (she was in heat, it was the most humane thing he could think of doing). We left her in the kitchen overnight and in the morning her food dish (which we filled every 3 days or so) was LICKED FUCKING CLEAN.
God, that cat food was so delicious.
When I was a kid, I used to eat weird foods, like flour out of a measuring cup. One day I was home alone and running through the house while eating flour out of a measuring cup. I tripped, breathing in a mouthful of flour, and fell, choking out puffs of white, dry-heaving flour out of my lungs. I have since stopped eating dry powdered foods.
When do all admit to eating condiments?
@6ho57: The more humane thing would have been to have sex with it.
Wow, garge, looks like I narrowly avoided major pulmonary issues with that cake mix. You gotta stop running with the powdered foods.
Among my favorite foods as a kid were 'raw' hot dogs and a mix of PB, brown sugar and raw oatmeal oats.
Zebras, bitches.
I thought that went without saying?
(last one was @kneetoe)
(I hate the internet sometimes)
mmmmm peanut butter in the eye,aftter scratching an itch.....very stoned.
I know this basement. Mine was inhabited by three radfems who did not own a razor. The place, fittingly, was, in a prior life, a halfway house for drug abusers. There was a bathroom with four showers in one stall, and a kitchen that had a stainless steel trench in place of a sink. The inside of the refrigerator was blue-green, and when we scrubbed it, it just got greener. There was little money, so when we got munchies, we ate French's mustard from a squeeze bottle.
The ladies brought other radfems over from campus, who were inexperienced with weed. When they smoked, they insisted their hearts were going to explode. I recall being mildly disappointed when that didn't occur.
I ate the pretzel-covered hot dog and immediately longed for a second. APPROVE
Anything made of salt, bread and meat I would be willing to eat 9000 of.
I ate a newfangled food-creature known as the Buffalo Bite(TM) at a QuikTrip the other day:
http://tinyurl.com/26k8bvq
what a dirty, dirty whore it was. Love at first bite.
As far as convenience store cuisine goes, QT is by far the king. Those Okies know how to work a roller grill.
oh my god, dude- ANY of QT's rollergrill treats forthefucking WIN. Their only blind-spot would be any tube-shaped snack consisting of a perverse application of bacon.
In other news, I just broke an entire bottle of Arthur Bryant's barbeque sauce. OFFICER, CUFF ME.
Dude. Peeps with peanut butter. YOU CAN THANK ME LATER.
Agh ew oh god what
Why
Consider the challenge accepted!
@deepomega: Have you ever had a fluffernutter? Same concept, sans bread. So basically it's the Double Down of the peanut butter & marshmallow world?
But for some reason the fluffernutter delights and amazes, while the peepernutter horrifies and nauseates. There's got to be an explanation (that does not involve my sexual foibles)!
Explanation: You're not high.
Alternate explanation: the texture of the neon sugar coating of a Peep has a bad, almost tin-foilish teethfeel. I can easily imagine being high and feeling that in my mouth and thinking I had accidentally ingested glitter and starting to panic. I can also imagine being high on different drugs and accidentally ingesting glitter and laughing and laughing, but there would be no peanut butter involved.
We hot glued old records all over the walls of that basement and put up Christmas lights. It was awesome. We called it the SkankPit. I miss that basement sometimes.
Since we're going for culture here, my stoner basement was the Eat 'n Park in Erie, PA. God we were stupid fucking kids. No lie, my first time (and I was bugging out, too) we went up and after we were seated at our booth I went to the bathroom to wash my hands (OCD, perhaps?). I went in, did my thing and as I'm going for the paper towels I look over my shoulder to see the door open. Straight out of fucking Reservoir Dogs comes two Pennsylvania State Troopers. I'm not sure how many of you have dealt or even seen State Troopers (I'm imagining there's a large city demographic here) but PA Staties look like straight-up fucking Sentinels. So I loosen the fuck up, dry off my hands and walk out to the what I thought would still be empty dining room, which I believe we were in at 3 in the morning. Luckily, it was just me and my friends there, except we had now been joined by 20 or so State Troopers all on their dinner break.
Drugs, guys.
Also, I'm working in an office today.
CAN'T BLOG LOOKING FOR OTHER WAYS TO DO THIS STUFF
THAT would have been the ideal time to steal the highway.
The only thing PA Staties do is beat up bikers and impregnate underage girls.
But they didn't know shit because you're super-cool. You're fucking Baretta.
@Dave Bry No, I actually super-glued my dick to my stomach to amuse them enough to get away.
Trend: Marijuana.
Thanks New York Times!
I can't wait until spilling millions of barrels of oil into the gulf is a trend piece...
IF YOU LEGALIZE IT I'LL REFINE IT
This is all I have to say to that:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTUx1zsQHfo
Some of us smoked joints in our Hot Tubs on the back deck watching shooting stars and shooing raccoons away from the birdfeeders.
Hm? You didn't have a Hot Tub?
That's too bad.
What's a birdfeeders?
How does they work?
#not_gonna_ask_a_scientist
Basement was too dank and gross, so the party was up at the Pool insteadHAHAHOHO. The pool was unheated, which was +bonus when the girlfriends stopped over.
The garage people, the garage - so you can open up the door and air it out before the 'rents come home.
I thought the garage was where dads went to smoke? The kids got the basement, dad got the garage, and mom got the bathtub, pills & wine.
THE PILLS AND WINE ARE TO SHARE!!!!
NO THEY ARE NOT. PUT MOMMY'S PILLS AND WINE DOWN NOW.
WILL FIGHT YOU FOR THEM!
My best friend's dad worked for Nabisco. Can you say "case of Doublestuf Oreos"? I knew you could!
Toilet paper roll and dryer sheets < restaurant-quality HVAC