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We are on record as being fans of New York Times dining critic Sam Sifton-his review of ultra-hip Carroll Gardens abattoir Prime Meats this week was extremely enjoyable-but we've got to admit, this Sifton Mad-Libs construction is also pretty great. It is obviously the product of close reading.
Have I been living in Brooklyn too long? 'Cause all this "ultra-hip" talk about Prime Meats — a place that I love, but I've never at all felt intimidated to walk into — seems both ubiquitous & weird.
Best line?
"The staff is exceptionally well trained and efficient, a crew of handsome men and women dressed as if ready to ride horses back home to Bushwick, where they trap beaver and make their own candles."
Why didn't he hyphenate well-trained, anyway?
Yes, for a second I was convinced that not only were they trained, they weren't dying from food-borne illness.
With the hyphen, the degree of their training is reinforced, but I am left uncertain about the botulism.
Jesus. I just realized the entire Brooklyn restaranteur scene is the same pseudo-southern meatery popping up in different locations. It's like Brigadoon meets Treme, only everyone's made of bacon.
There's like ten of them that just opened here in Chicago! It's like one chef does it and the rest just scrabble (heh) around to create THE EXACT SAME THING.
@Multiphasic: Have you ever actually seen The Franks? ('Cause it sounds like you've seen them!)
@multiphasic: speak to me, oh muse, of this "southern meatery?" What is that?
FWIW, I think the restaurant scene is getting uniformly euro-bistro-y (and forgive the hyphens, if you are hyphen-glycemic). Same yellow/orange/yellow front, gold lettering wood font on the windows, etc.
SpuntinO-M-F-G.
@BadUncle Well it's me riffing on the whole gilded-fleur-de-lys-wallpaper-amd-whitewashed-trim thing that makes me think of Alton Brown's Colonel Bob Boatwright whiteface.`I mean, it's probably meant to be generically "old-timey" but I'm reasonably sure that dumpster-diving Reed-schooled interior decorators haven't the fucking foggiest what New York looked like in 1910.
The fact that these places all live to wreak terror upon our kindly porcine comrades is probably an ancillary but parallel trend.
@STC: -ahemPUBLICANhmm. -COUGH.-
I'd flay your mother if she were made of those pork cracklins, btw.
@AY: The Publican, Gilt, The Purple Pig, The Piggery, etc. I love pork but fuck give it a rest!
BTW, my mother's pork cracklins will cost you $300. Same as all the other fellas. If you want a trip to Greece that's $50 extra. [Looks you up and down.] Better make it $100.
I had their "signature" sauerbraten. It was very good. But too pricey. I mean, it's a pot roast, not a flash-flamed thing that requires micro focus.
And Frankey's 456 is awesome, but weighted too much toward dense, heavy foods. A piece of fish and maybe some salad would be nice.
Sifton is a pretty fantastic Bruni replacement. I'm glad you NYCers (and BroBos) ended up with him and we in LA didn't have to give up Jonathan Gold.
Word.
Sometimes, even better than his actual reviews are the Diner's Journal photo captions that go along with the review:
"Spaetzle! Eaten beside or ideally under the steak, its cheesiness is amplified by meat juice without any loss of tensile strength."
@wb – Jonathan Gold's appearances on the KCRW "Good Food" podcast/show are really great.
[A] salad of greens slicked in bacon vinaigrette, say, with matchsticks of apple and crunchy lardons of bacon, followed by roasted La Belle Rouge chicken, the breast brined in pickle juice before cooking and the bird's fat, luscious thigh meat shredded into a tangle with sautéed farmstand greens.
I actually drooled while reading that.