The Critical Shopper, After Mike Albo
Last night I spent some time thinking about my feelings (I have a regular Tuesday appointment with them), and I realized that ever since the firing of Mike Albo as a Times freelancer, I've been unable to read much of that paper's Style sections, much less make note here of any of the stories they publish. And I haven't been able to look at Albo's former part-time column, the Critical Shopper, at all, because it just makes me feel bad. Albo was canned in a bizarre twisting of the Times ethics policy, was publicly pilloried and then became a symbol, to me at least, of the disposable freelancer. They wanted his talent but they didn't want to treat him right-and the Times expressly ignored both the letter and the law of their own ethics policy when they canned him on their stupid little witch hunt. (Their ethics rules say: "In connection with their work for us, freelancers will not accept free transportation, free lodging, gifts, junkets, commissions or assignments from current or potential news sources." In connection with his work for them, Albo never did that.) And so a gray pall hangs over Critical Shopper, like the paper carries on it a dark thumb smudge of bad feeling-even on something as hysterically candy-colored as Cintra Wilson's Critical Shopper visit to Lilly Pulitzer. And I love the Lilly Pulitzer store unabashedly and her piece is entirely on the nose, but all the fun has gone out of talking about this.
DON'T HAS A SAD, CHOIRE!
I would just like to crow for a second: The Internet made me a pink & green Drudge siren in honor of this article. (I was secretly hoping Choire would use it here but I guess he's got a case of the Balks today. Snifflesob.)
(Oh how embarrassing, I forgot to close my anchor tag – and I'm not wearing panties!)
I was just sitting here trying to decide which above outfit you would approve. I'm going with the dress with the green ribbon, because I assume you like ribbons and she's barefoot, which is a good way to drink iced white wine.
No, I know. Lilly Pulitzer REALLY IS HEAVEN. And I should be HAPPY on the inside!
@CaptainFantastic: IT'S LIKE YOU ARE INSIDE MY BRAIN! That was totally my favorite one (I approve of all of them though! LASKHFSLAKHF), I adore ribbons, and God, yes me and my filthy little feet are almost always barefoot when drinking wine with ice, because I'm forever kicking my filthy little Jacks off.
@Choire: You know what would cheer you right up? Some outrageous Lilly pants. LET'S GO SHOPPING!!!
OMG INSTANT CHEER IMAGINE BALK IN THESE. He'd spend the entire day mutter about how pandas aren't really bears and tugging at the too-tight seat of his trousers.
Those would work well WITH A KIMONO.
The matching sport coat is astonishing, but for actual non-ironic wearing, this bad boy will definitely lift you from "pool-only" status at the club.
@jolie: Well at least you can't get your panties in a bunch over not closing that tag.
Whoa, I like that panda print! HAHA it's called "Classic White Pandamonium." Maybe I'll buy the bag. (Classic copy: "(eek, the gym!)"
@Gef: I unironically love that shirt. But I also unironically bought a boyfriend a pair of pants in this print. (IT'S CALLED "SHRIMP COCKTAIL" SDLKFHSLAKHFASLH)(Sorry guys. I'm gonna do this all day probably. I'll understand if you want to go hang out in Balk's "Mom, it's tooo hot oooouuut" post.)
@Bakes: The panda print is what we'll wear when we go to Williamsburg.
@katiebakes: You can download it and other LP fabric prints as wallpapers!
My inner punk/goth is kicking my ass, but OMFG I WANT THIS. IT IS SCALLOPPED.
@cherispryte: BUY IT! LOOK AT THAT ADORABLE LITTLE LACE POCKET THAT IS UTTERLY USELESS BUT IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE WITHOUT!! YOU NEED THAT POCKET IN YOUR LIFE!!!!
Oh hon, if you think I fit into a Lily Pulitzer 14 (or smaller), you are sadly mistaken. I want that skirt like I want a unicorn: pretty to look at, but utterly unrealistic.
Katie, My thought exactly!
"Oh no! This item was too good to last. It may still be available at a store near you."
:(
"…violent mangos, pinks and aquamarines starched into jackets of such female bedspread intensity they might cause even Ricardo Montalbán to run toward the volcano."
Nope. Can't be sad/mad in the face of this. Sorry, it's to nice outside!!
*too; can't be bothered to write things correctly either!!
Cintra Wilson is so good, she can write an article in which one of the least hilarious of the bon mots is "(The) kimono and pants set … looked exactly like something the Japanese housekeeper would have worn in "The Courtship of Eddie's Father.""
I find Cintra Wilson horrifying. Her evisceration of the Herald Square J.C. Penney was out of control: "[J. C. Penney] has the most obese mannequins I have ever seen. They probably need special insulin-based epoxy injections just to make their limbs stay on. It's like a headless wax museum devoted entirely to the cast of "Roseanne.""
Of course she's horrifying. That's why we love her. Also: Abe Sauer will be by in a moment to take you out for a beer.
Yes, she's horrifying. Horrifyingly delightful!
Oh, me too! Horrifying in an I-won't-miss-a-single-piece-she-writes sort of way.
I loved (and was insanely jealous of) her "Ruthless" line. It took me a minute to get it and then I was "damn it, she's so CLEVER".
She combines that wit with a truly remarkable ear for language. "Envision the mescaline rapture of a tropical morning on an infinite golf course" may be the most perfect sentence I've read all year.
Remember the simpler days of The Kucz?
She was the WORST.
Well, those days were great because Choire and Scocca would disassemble it the next day, and I remember needing to remember to breathe during those chat sessions…
I like Cintra Wilson a lot, no one eviscerates like her.
The Style section is as embarrassing as drunk cousin Bunny, who always removes her bra and pulls it out the armhole of her aqua shell after her fourth scotch, but this cheered me up immensely. "Anita Bryant's linen closet"! Snarf!
I can't be the only one here thinking that drunk cousin Bunny sounds AWESOME.
Drunk cousin Bunny almost certainly wears Lily Pulitzer.
… or maybe Trina Turk, if she's West Coast.
Gotta say, I'm 100% with Choire on Albo, Cintra, and Lilly.
Except that the current Lilly is a twice-reconceived fiction. The company filed for Ch.11 bankruptcy in 1984 and closed down. The IP was bought by some brand-reviving garmentos who mucked around for several years before deciding to tap back into the candy-colored essence. This hilarious ur-Critical Shopper column from 1998 might do the trick:
http://www.nytimes.com/1998/05/17/style/the-pink-and-green-police.html
And the Juicy- and Pink-infected, irreverent repositioning in 2006/7 is just wrong. As sad as that photo up there.
So they hide juice stains, how about red wine? I have a dribbling problem.
I grew up in the 70s, so I wore maroon Levi's cords with ugly sand colored turtlenecks. My mom grew up in Boston, "summered" on the Cape and was always trying to get us to wear matchy, matchy mango Lilly-type creations.
But we refused, because we lived in the midwest and would have been laughed out of school if we showed up in any color that wasn't a variation of brown.
So, a million years later I have a daughter and immediately began dressing her in Lilly stuff. Why, I do not know. She wore pink, green, dots, stripes, she had ribbons in her hair, on her toes, in short, she was adorable. (My husband thought I was insane, he kept asking if I TRYING to raise a Kappa).
Anyway, that lasted till she was about 4. Then she took over and ever since, it's been stinky hockey equipment, dirty sweats and ripped t-shirts. I have to say, she's still adorable, but every so often I want to sneak a shot of lime green into her wardrobe.
Do you want to adopt me? I'm available and will let you dress me up in all manner of absurd ribbonry!
hockeymom, we essentially have the same kid, except mine's gone the artsy route and only wears brown, black and Chucks. I did manage to corral her into a cute Lilly-type Easter dress, though, for a few hours last Sunday.
And what are we to make of Cintra Wilson's approach to the question she poses to the sales person and prints in her story: "What kind of men buy these jackets?" I asked. "Mobsters? Gay guys? Gay mobsters? Game-show hosts?" She assured me the jackets were extremely popular and left my mind to wander about the ramifications of this for society at large."
Right.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aak1WFK5EqY
I was just rerereading the Mike Albo interview with Butt (helpfully included in the indispensable Butt Book). It made me concerned about how he's doing. Why aren't people engaged in a nonstop cavalcade of complaints about his mistreatment at the hands of the Grey Lady?
Why isn't the NYTPicker constantly on this case, par exemple?
I feel like the NYTPicker kind of is? I mean, he keeps bringing up his name in his new quest to Take Down The Health Care Blogger Guy.
Is the girl with the green ribbon a young Rachel Ray? She looks like she might be planning her next 30 Minute Meal.
Was that snapshot taken in my dreams last night?
I'm going to go with "Yes this sucks yes I miss it too", though my all-time favorite Albo column still is when NYMag had him stay overnight in that condo in Fort Greene and write about it: http://nymag.com/realestate/vu/2007/04/30324/
I wish they'd do more with him.