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Poor Taxin' Lottery Succeeds In Making One Poor Person Rich
It's always a difficult moment for those of us who despise the poor tax that is the lottery when someone really poor wins a giant ass truck full of money! Christopher Shaw had $28.96 in his bank, he said, when he spent five dollars on a lottery ticket. So you know: dude, when you have THREE/FIVE KIDS (three of his own, but then two of his girlfriend's), you do not spend 1/6th of your LIFE SAVINGS on LOTTERY TICKETS. Except, I guess, when you do, and are rewarded with $258 million. Please don't all go out and buy a lottery ticket all at once right now.
This will undoubtedly end well for the young man.
It is weird, pjh, how often you and I have the same thought.
Needs moar geodesic domes.
I always enjoy the winners like this guy who are still undecided about keeping their shitty jobs.
Isn't that kind of sweet? He's like, "Hmm." I would be like "GOODBYE ALEX BALK, YOU CAN SUCK IT."
(Just kidding Alex!)
Incredibly sweet- I think he's going to have to sit down and write out a pros/cons list to help him decide the best move.
Decision matrix!
I would totally keep my job, start coming in late, sink to a level of incompetence, be terminated and join millionairesonunemployment.com
@NAC: It would be nice to be able to mouth off to customers with no fear of losing your job.
@Choire: Ew. Please don't ever talk about you and Alex demanding the other "suck" anything. It's like walking in on Mom & Dad having sex.
Except when mouthing off customers is the person's job.
Hope he's got enough sense to buy the teeth before the grill.
I saw a little of his press conference. His girlfriend looked like she had just won the Shirley Jackson lottery. She just glared at him like he had just walked out to go to the corner and buy a pack of cigarettes.
Or a loaf of bread.
She's gonna be rolling in press-on nails now, baby!
"Damn I should've married that idiot when he asked" she thought to herself.
"the Shirley Jackson lottery"
This made me laugh and laugh. xoxo
Idiot. He should have bought five lottery tickets and now he'd be a billionaire.
You know he's just going to go buy 258million scratch off tickets.
On another note, I'm currently up for adoption.
That'll keep the whole town tweeked forever!
Actually, on the local news (yes, this story happens to be local to me) they were suggesting that he donate a sizable portion of his winnings to build a new school …to replace the antiquated 1920's schoolhouse that his um, township can't afford to replace. Because they're all broke.
Sorry, everyone in flyoverland is hooked on and/or cooking up meth.
The lottery is a tax on the stupid, not the poor.
It's a tax on not understanding basic probability theory.
Maths are Hard Tax.
I learned my lesson. I'm going to go drain my accounts down to 30 bucks before I play the lottery again. What do we think? Three bucks on Mega, two on Power. Or just splurge and go five each.
And dude should totally invest at least half of that money … in more lottery tickets.
Local Walmart profits going up, up, up!
Sarah Palin just got her running mate.
nah, that's the one on the next post up the chain ^
He sounds like such a sweet kid, doesn't he? Oh gosh. I swear on a stack of Bibles! I hope they will be okay.
I know! Good for him. I can't begrudge him whatever good comes his way. Hopefully porcelain veneers ASAP.
The news said he is going to get his teeth fixed ASAP! Also, he is buying Gawker Media.
@CaptainF: He's drawing up plans to subdivide and develop Nick Denton's head.
Him buying Gawker would make my hysterically happy!
He should buy his town like Kim Basinger bought a town. Remember that? It sounds like it would go for cheap.
That linked article compares the lottery tax to a tax on bread. But that seems a little crazy because, y'know, lottery tickets have no nutritional value and are, therefore, completely unnecessary for survival.
It's not like she said, "Let them eat lottery tickets."
"Goddamn, Jackie, it's just not right." He yanked the red Gamakatsu cap off his head as he spoke and swatted at the corner of the metal desk.
Jackie blew a cloud of cigarette smoke across the desk and stuffed the butt into an open pop bottle. It tumbled to the bottom and made a tight fizz behind dark green glass. Smoke curled inside.
"Chris, this ain't personal," she said. "There's people in this town need work. They need it."
"I need it."
Jackie laced her fingers together, leaned forward with her elbows on the desk and hung her chin on her thumbs.
"No. No Chris, you don't. Not any more"
In his hands he curled the bill of his cap into a tight U and stared at it, as if waiting for it to cry out "Uncle" or some such defensive plea.
"I'll do it for free," he whispered.
Jackie collapsed her arms on the desk, letting her head droop into a quizzical nod.
"Then how you gonna afford all that dental work you need?"
He tried not to let the corners of his mouth turn up, but couldn't help it. Jackie could always make him smile. He looked up and playfully flashed an exaggerated toothless grin that he immediately pulled back into a silent frown.
"People think it's easy," he said. His eyes searched hers for some kind of recognition.
"The money. They think it makes ever thing…"
His voice trailed off and he stared through her until she disappeared into the foreground. Behind her, on the office wall, his eyes fell hard upon Tuesday, November 3 on a 2009 Union Pacific Railroad calendar. He couldn't remember if anything special had happened that day. Like today, it was just a day. Just another day. Another poor day.
+100
$258 Million is a lotta Moutain Dew.
I cannot hate on the lottery, because the lotto-supported HOPE scholarship allowed me to pay for a college education my family couldn't afford at the time. TRUE SOB STORY.
At college I learned: the lottery is OK! put the whole story in the lead! and good bourbon is cheaper than good scotch but just as tasty!
At college I learned psilocybin and geese DO NOT MIX.
But cheap scotch is better than cheap bourbon, imo.
You are correct. Both of you.
I'm always a little stunned to see how willing people are to rip on the rural poor. Up close, they aren't THAT MUCH more hilarious than the urban poor. Really!
Several points.
Well, they're generally whiter, which makes it a lot easier to throw out snide & superior zingers without first worrying about whether you're maybe being racist or at least a dick. I hate being a pompous/earnest stick in the mud, but: long comment threads generally make me feel good about humanity, or at least the awl 'community' … and this one makes me feel a little icky and sad.
(The bit about the winner buying gawker media does crack me up, though.)
I read the comments again, and it turns out I was overreacting by about 20-fold here. Only a couple posts posts are icky, and those few really aren't all that icky unless you take things way too seriously. Guess I just feel inexplicably protective of the poor under-teethed jerk.
I will play some variation of 11-34-41-49-55 next Powerball and split whatever I get with the respective Awl commenters.
God knows the lottery is flawed but what most criticism fails to mention is that it is a cheap form of entertainment in which those who participate generally know the odds. In many places, playing the lottery is a social activity that strengthens communal relationships.
I've interviewed a large number of slot machine players and they almost always say the same thing. It's fun. They know that they;re only going to get back maybe 90 cents (at best) for every $1 spent but that's ok because they are basically buying entertainment.
What else is a guy with $29 supposed to do to entertain himself? Go see Avatar for $8.50? Go see a Cardinal game for $55? Watch HULU via a high-speed internet connection that runs $50 a month? The guy has a job so he's making his way honestly.
For many, (slowly) throwing away money is the ONLY entertainment they can afford anymore.
This.
SUPER this.
"I've interviewed a large number of slot machine players"
I don't know why, but this is really funny.
Like giving an Uzi to a baby.
why the hysteria? Little Joey was only doing what he knew best. I think the missing teeth should remain his signature look though…
I give it less than five years. No, not the relationship. The money.