Olympic Runner Commits A Real Boner In His Choice Of Male-Enhancement Drugs
An Olympic runner is facing a two-year ban from competition for flunking a bunch of drug tests in which he tested positive for dehydroepiandrosterone (a.k.a. DHEA), a steroid that's OK in over-the-counter products in the States but a no-no in Olympic competition. LaShawn Merritt, who won the 400-meter gold medal during the Beijing games, says that the failed test came from a "product that [he] used for personal reasons"; a person with "knowledge of the case" is claiming that the culprit was Extenze, the "natural male enhancement" drug that advertises late at night.
No, not the one with the smiling-Bob commercials and the whistling. That's Enzyte! The Extenze ads are actually more horrifying and neurosis-inducing:
(For those of you keeping score at home: The That's When I Clicked "Close Tab" Moment came after that one actress started enumerating all the family members of her "friend's" small-membered suitor that she had also dated. Because it runs in the family! Oh ho ho arrrgh.)
Fear not, aspiring sportsmen who need a little natural male enhancement to get through the day: NASCAR seems to be more than OK with whatever stew of herbs, spices, and chemicals is thrown into Enzyte's mix.
Movin' on up in the world. It started with Ron Jeremy infomercials…now they're getting Olympic sprinters banned and their commercials feature legendary Miami Hurricanes/Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson.
All of which points to the fact that American males are as stupid as they are insecure. Except us here, of course, we're awesome.
And all of our schlongs are above-average.
Why can't men live with what they've got, and a Swedish penis pump?
Insert gratuitous Long Duk Dong joke here.
I've just constructed an extension to my junk using a scaffolding of popsicle sticks. It brings a rustic, hand-made vibe to the bedroom.
My cervix just involuntarily shuddered.
The S-M-L vases in the back with the S-M-L knicknacks on the table are a nice touch. Urgh…
Well it's a good thing he wasn't pole vaulting.
Big sneakers mean big smelly socks.
A couple of weeks ago, I was looking for an obscure medication that caused me to scan all of the aisles at my local Kroger and Walmart. (They actually had the stuff at Walgreens, but I didn't need a hundred doses, so I looked at the other 24-hr stores)
Something which surprised me on my quest is that Extenze and Enzyte were available over-the-counter at both stores.
Apparently, they've now become so "mainstream", you don't have to mail order or sign-up for a regular shipment in a plain brown wrapper. Instead, if you'd like, you could just pick up a package and self-checkout with no one being the wiser.
So how many inches does it add?
I have to admit that I've been tempted, but I'm not sure about the self-checkout part of my comment and as an old married guy, I wouldn't want one of the young coeds to have to approve my purchase like it was cold medication.
Of course, if I ever think about it when there's a tubby dude manning the line or if there's nothing but flirtatious gays working the pharmacy, I'll let you know.
This is why I don't date real people.