14
It's Never Too Early For A Courtney Love Joke
According to the Sun, Robert Pattinson of Twilight fame has been cast as Kurt Cobain in a biopic of the late Nirvana singer. Good for him! It's nice that he'll finally get to star in a movie where the female lead is the vampire.
The world is a vampire, sweet cheeks.
Hey. Wait. I got a new complaint.
I bet you like that new Slash song with Fergie on it, Alex.
What was wrong with the Gus van Sant one? That should be enough of a Kurt Cobain biopic for any one.
Better go make sure the door is locked.
There are so many restraining orders against Courtney Love, she would have to be alone on the Ukrainian steppes to be certain she isn't in violation of at least one of them.
To ensure that the rest of this to-suck biopic is as miscast, let's fill the other roles thusly:
- Paul Giamatti as Pat Smear
- Woody Harrelson as Steve Albini
- Celine Dion as Courtney Love
- M. Night Shymamalaetc as The Screaming Trees
- The Ghost of Patrick Swayze as Dave Grohl
- and what the hell, Crist Novoselic can play himself because no one cares about him anyway.
Oh, and Mika as Eddie Vedder.
Zac Efron as Kurt would've been the crowning glory of your list, though.
Way to treat Crist harsh, man.
Not many musicians can follow a lead guitarist with simple, walking bass lines and do little else except fill in the low end of a song.
Pierce Brosnan as Kurt Loder.
So alienate grunge fans with the presence of vampire pretty boy, then alienate Twilight fans with the actual content of Cobain's life. Hard to see how this venture could possibly fail.
At least it's not like whatsisface could possibly screw up the role. Step one: look pained. Step two: mumble. Step three: have no idea how to play guitar. We'll take care of the track marks in post.
'Roberdt Pattinson' – huh, still no.
You know you have a warped idea of yourself when you look like a total dumpster fire and then somebody asks who you think should play you in the movie based on your life and you answer, "Scarlett Johansson".
My only hope is there's a Brandon Lee situation with Pattinson.
Thank you, all hate mail can sent in the form of lightsaber death threats.