Monday, April 5th, 2010

I Prayed to the Newly-Returned Jesus that Anthony Lane Would Review 'Clash of the Titans' And Hooray!

OH YEAH DOGClash of the Titans "stars Sam Worthington, but you will have guessed that already. These days, no major production is allowed to embark without him. He is the strapping Australian lad who, without warning, has found himself cast as a cyborg, in 'Terminator Salvation,' as a would-be alien, in 'Avatar,' and now as the demigod Perseus, in 'Clash of the Titans,' while retaining the look of someone who cheerfully expects to be returning to a steady job on a building site." EXACTLY! EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS! A++! WOULD DO BUSINESS AGAIN!

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I also like Roger Ebert's review. I'll quote one of the many good bits:

"I was prepared to take notes during "Clash of the Titans" but only wrote down a single one: "Release the Kraken!" – Conan O'Brien. I know I was intended to be terrified by the release of the Kraken, but all I could think of was O'Brien shouting "Release the bear!" and then some guy in a bear suit runs out and sits on the lap of a guest."

Also: column constraints being what they are, it's still too bad that Ebert was unable to follow up with an ongoing Masturbating Kraken gag.

HiredGoons (#603)


Roger Ebert used the phrase 'just sayin'.'

My world is forever changed.

Murgatroid (#2,904)

Ebert regularly goes "OMG" on his Twitter. On any other senior citizen, it would be depressing to see but since it's Eebs, totally endearing.

Crantastical (#4,127)

R Kelly is going to want to add this to his Netflix list:
"Perseus was the child of the virginal Danaë, on whom Zeus rained in a fecund shower of gold."

scroll_lock (#4,122)

No, no, no. You cannot beat the terrible continuity and inconsistent special effects of the original.

Freddie (#4,189)

I love Anthony Lane. I think someone blurbed his book by saying that he has "elegance of mind," which I think is exactly right.

HereKitty (#2,713)

I vowed to start a cult in his honor based solely on this sentence from his review of "The Phantom of the Opera":

And so it came about, this week, that I gazed at a black screen and saw words so calamitous that they might have been written in my own blood: "Screenplay by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Joel Schumacher."

Freddie (#4,189)

He can do really funny, cutting lines like that, and also talk about deeply serious artistic values without their ever being a tension between the two. I loved his review of Watchmen:

"Amid these pompous grabs at horror, neither author nor director has much grasp of what genuine, unhyped suffering might be like, or what pity should attend it; they are too busy fussing over the fate of the human race-a sure sign of metaphysical vulgarity-to be bothered with lesser plights."

Freddie (#4,189)

"their", Freddie? Really? ugh.

krabapple (#3,075)

Much love for Lane. He once began a review with: "What is the point of Demi Moore"?

Yeah, but his creepy Natalie Portman thing keeps me from boarding the Lane Express.

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