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On this matter, I agree with web entrepreneur Jason Calacanis 100%! This is the only way to quit a job: "Boss, this is hard for me to say, so I'm going to just come out and say it: I'm resigning today…." The rest of the script follows. Use it!
Why were you even reading this, Choire?
I don't even know how I find myself wherever I am on the Internet most days!
really. vortexes! how did i become briefly interested in sand crabs that one time?
With 10% unemployment in NYC, this very timely advice!
If you need a script for what to say following an untimely dismissal – the more likely scenario,
I recommend, Boss, I understand that my services are no longer required. This is hard for me to say, so I'm going to just come out and say it: You can take this heavy duty stapler and shove it up your freckly pocked rectum, you stupid toadying worthless piece of beetle dung.
Yes! In person! It shows you have balls. The two times I've done it, I think I started with, "I need to give you my two-weeks notice."
Also, that dude's website is terrible to navigate.
I once quit the day my bonus check cleared. It happened to be April 1. I had to start with a disclaimer that the following was not an April Fools Day joke.
PLEASE SOMEONE EXPLAIN. ARE BONUSES REAL?!
Like I feel like you may as well have said "the day my shipment of unicorns arrived." What?
HA I KNOW. I have HEARD of them but??
Two times? Only two??? You need to quit more often.
Right, like he would give a shit about who/how he was firing people if he needed to to make his numbers. Right.
The problem with his advice is that it's all one way.
Boss, this is hard for me to say, so I'm going to just come out and say it: I'm resigning today because I work for fucking Mahalo.
Jimmie at the local pub is more well known than Jason Calcanis.
That 500 reporters write about him means zero to most peoples lives. Hell, that he built some web thing people use means zero to them too.
At least he can enjoy his little circle jerk of fame.
That being said…
Enjoy the world you CEO's have created. You will fire and escort out an employee with zero notice. Who the fuck do you think you are that your little slaves need to give you the courtesy of anything more than a middle finger?
Job security? Job continuity? Your personnel department barely does anything even resembling due diligence in hiring you idiots.
Also, maybe the problem is you Jason. When a bright, promising candidate would rather work for your competitor. Yeah, console yourself with the idea that he's the one making the mistake. Because you are God's gift to the tech world. Tool.
I don't think Choire is propping up Calcanis, but moreso just agreeing with the ideas that he presented – which also aren't really insidery concepts.
Just you wait. I'm going to hire a shitload of people and then scream at them and freak out at every opportunity and then lecture them on behavior. (Correctly though!)
i have given notice to two companies in my adult life. i respected those people and did my best to be respectful. when the enormous company i went to work for let me go, it was by a phone call with an HR person i had never spoken to. it was abrupt, terse and frankly, insulting. so, yes, the CEO would appreciate a respectful dialog from out-going employees, but i have no faith that employees to be let go get anywhere near similar treatment.
But it's true – why shill for the boss, when you're in an industry that won't even hire you, just buy your output piecemeal?
I hear ya. Can't do much when VC's are whispering into impressionable young ears about how they need to focus on shareholder value, maximize revenue, and hold down the largest percentage of any business expense – labor.
Not like I learned that from auditing manufacturers all over the East Coast as an Auditor for I.L.G.W.U (now Unite Here – a part of S.E.I.U. – shit, I'm everywhere y'all).
Surely a flaming bag of shit left on their desk says everything that needs saying?
But it's not as personal as ejaculate facial.
Any time a boss starts mouthing off about loyalty I start checking the length of tenure of the current staff and looking into the reasons why all of the others left so soon.
"please let me know how I can help us all have a really smooth transition." here is my letter of resignation so you may fold it until it's all corners and edges and shove it up your ass you officious prick.
I watched The September Issue the other night and thought it would cheer me up about my increasing loathing for my current magazine job because surely Anna Wintour and Vogue would be far worse, but by the end of it I just thought "shit, my place is exactly the same as that" which was depressing.