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Even Older Britons Cannot Resist The Allure Of The Blade
"She was practically at the top of the stairs, I got the shock of my life because she had a ski mask on and a knife in her hand, the blade was about three inches, I was just in total shock. She tried to disguise her voice and said 'give me your money.' The next thing I knew she had pushed me down the stairs. She pushed me pretty hard, I just stotted off the wall, I don't know how I didn't flake out altogether. She went into the living room then and that was when I shouted up the stairs 'Doris, I know its you.'"
-70-year-old Jeanette Hetherington testifies against her neighbor Doris Foulis, whom Hetherington claims broke her leg in an attempted robbery that happened in a little place I like to call Knifecrime Island.
Is there a Pulitzer for the best running joke in blog headlines?
"oh goodness… HYYYYACINTH! I KNOW IT'S YOU!"
It would be pretty hard for a Geordie to disguise their voice.
"The Allure of the Blade." A new dramedy coming in Summer 2011, starring Simon Pegg, Helen Mirren, Vinnie Jones, Joanna Lumley, and Eddie Izzard.
If only you could somehow work a discussion of "The Tudors" into all of these, I would never need read another publication. #ofcoursetheyreobsessedwithknives!
This report is obviously bogus. No 70-year-old in the UK has anything worth stealing. Most Limeys olds (or OAPs, as they're derisively called) live a tenuous existence on the moderate generosity of their neo-socialist government and petfood from Tesco. The recent obsession with knives began during the Thatcher years, when everything, as we know, was about cuts.
No, it's real. The last time I was in London someone pushed me and I too stotted off the wall. It's a phenomenon specific to Knifecrime Island–something about a realignment of the space/time contiuum related to brown sauce, mushy peas and tinned beans.
"A little place I like to call Knifecrime Island" is enough to make grown men weep.
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