British Sheep Finally Discover Something Scarier Than Welshmen
What sinister creatures float above Knifecrime Island, and why do they have such animosity for its sheep? Well, according to the Sun, the answers are a) aliens and b) it's more along the lines of "research." But read more of this harrowing tale!
Fuming farmers have been waking up to find animals dead after seemingly being "experimented on".
UFO hunters who set up a special team to investigate are linking the mutilations – including the removal of sheep brains and eyes – to sightings of mysterious reddish orange lights in the sky.
After staging a dramatic stake-out they claim to have even WITNESSED unsuspecting sheep being zapped by two of the spheres.
I'm convinced! I mean, it seems much more likely that sheep are being mutilated by horrible monsters from another world than, I dunno, some kids with knives.
"Unsuspecting" is the adjective that really gives this piece the emotional heft it deserves.
Really. The guileless naivete of the sheep begs justice.
Kids with knives? In England? IMPOSSIBLE
Aliens with shivs.
I want to get in a heated debate with Moff over whether the aliens have a right to do this to the sheep. Where is he, anyway?
Just to deal in broad cultural stereotypes, WTF is wrong with Welshmen? The few I have me have been into some incredibly non-mainstream things. (And no, I will not go into more detail here.)