Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Paid Me
Tom Scocca: Now I am going to tell you about my dream.
Choire: Oh neat!
Tom: I was working in some sort of coffeehouse at one end of a table. One one side, to the left, was Alex Balk. On the other side, to the right, was some tiny hipster girl blogging for Gawker.
Tom: In the middle of the afternoon, someone came around to the girl with a scorecard and a menu, showing her how many Blogging Points she had accumulated that day and what candy she could buy off the rewards menu. She still also had to pay some money for the candy, besides cashing in her Denton points for it.
Tom: And they made sure this transaction was really obvious and protracted, because they were trying to antagonize Balk by letting him watch it.
Tom: So I flipped out and went into a raging jeremiad.
Tom: Like, "YOU THINK IT'S OK FOR YOU TO WORK FOR FUCKING SKITTLES; YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY, YOU WORKING FOR FUCKING SKITTLES; YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY THAT IT BUGS THAT GUY THAT YOU WORK FOR FUCKING SKITTLES; BUT IF YOU ARE FUCKING WORKING FOR FUCKING SKITTLES, EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS GOING TO HAVE TO WORK FOR FUCKING SKITTLES! EVERYONE! IN THE WORLD! SKITTLES!"
Tom: I swear to you that is what I did dream.
Choire: Sad to say, I can believe it.
Tom: I did not know that my subconscious even knew who Alex Balk WAS.
I wish I was paid in gum.
That was no dream.
Did you just call me a tiny hipster girl?
Maybe it's the Hipster Grifter?
This is how most professional hockey playing defensemen felt toward Raymond Bourque throughout the nineties.
Ha ha ha. Now, because of ^THIS COMMENT^ it is how most commentors will feel.
Now I'm actually nostalgic for the "rage of the creative underclass."
Well thank goodness we have a robust Writers Union fighting for our rights… (Falls asleep, dreams of commenting…)
Eagerly awaiting the future of the Denton Points tag
I'll take the rest of my comment points in a gift certificate Pat.
I think this is called prophecy. Taste The Rainbow, bitches.
'Joseph and the Drab Rayon Cape of Ennui'
Poor tiny hipster girl. Just trying to keep the blood sugar normal.
In the dream I believe that Balk represents your cock and the hipster girl represents Balk. The Skittles are Scandinavians who you are deeply conflicted about.
Scary!
Also: Tom's Cocca?
I had kinda the same dream last night. Only Balk was called "Big East," I was him, and there were no skittles.
Every dream should include a raging jeremiad.
Why do my dreams never include a raging jeremiad?
Perhaps some pre-bed cialis would do the trick.
You're lucky. In my dream everyone got paid with pictures of Skittles.
I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night
Alive as you and me
Says I but Joe you're ten years dead
I never died says he
I never died says he
[insert comical allusions to Skittles in this verse]
"…and you eat tender vittles…and…SKITTLES" – Busta Rhymes
Yeah, but is the tiny hipster girl hot? Uh, Balk, uh, wants to know.
Weird. This makes the dream I had about Balk's breakup theory last night doubly weird, adding coincidence to the original strange weirdness. I didn't think my subconscious knew who Balk was.
Apologies to Mr. Balk for the weirdness, but take comfort in that it is mutual and was at least sexual.
everyone's dreaming about how blogging is destroying civilization… and then BLOGGING about it. it's a meme!
Funny, I dreamt Denton purchased TheAwl and paid with cat food.
I dreamt about fucking. What's wrong with you people?
hahaa bloggers' union. discuss.
No one wants to hear what you dreamt about unless you dreamt about them.
So, um, tell the other guy, maybe?