The Coffee Wars Will Not End Until America Is A Shaking Heap Of Overstimulation
In hopes of recapturing the "bigger is always better" spirit of the previous decade, Starbucks has reportedly been test-marketing a new cup size that allows customers to guzzle 32 ounces of its iced beverages in one fell swoop. Called the "Trenta," it could provide the caffeine-needy with more than enough caffeine to power through their increasingly stressful days, or at least an hour or two of them.
The Trenta is named after a town in southern Italy that sorta rhymes with "Venti". It's being test-marketed in the Phoenix area right now, which unfortunately precludes me from running out to get one. (Too bad — I was hoping to later turn the cup into a hat.) From this photo, the cup looks to be taller and more stout than the Venti while retaining the ever-crucial trait of being able to fit in cars' cup holders:
Some have noted that Starbucks is merely trying to catch up to Dunkin' Donuts, which has a 32-ounce "large" size for all its iced coffee beverages, including its super-milky lattes and cloyingly sweet Coolattas. Does this mean that we'll be bombarded with paparazzi photos of starlets clutching Frappucinos that outgirth their femurs?. No*, say anonymous commenters who claim the mantle of "insiders" on Jim Romenesko's Starbucks Gossip. Apparently in a nod to these more serious times, Starbucks will practice some comparative restraint and allow only your basic iced coffees and iced teas to be poured into Trenta cups — no ginormous iced lattes or super-sized Frappucinos will cross the baristas' threshold. The over/under on how long after national roll-out this "no milky, whipped-creamy drinks" edict will last has to be less than two months, right? Especially since the competition is currently flaunting waffle-sausage-egg-and-cheese monstrosities for those people whose inability to decide what to have for breakfast results in them wanting it all.
* That's "no" in Italian. House style and all.
I find my stimulation coming in smaller packages these days.
That is also what she said.
Finally, a condom size for me!
Surely it's called "trenta" because that's how you say "thirty" in Italian, just as "venti" = "twenty." Right? Sorry if I missed the joke or something; it's early, and even though I've had my coffee, I haven't had ALL my coffee. (Awl, my coffee!)
I'm skipping the Trenta and going right for the "Quarantissimo", which is named after a NASCAR pit crew leader, and will be the size of a Big Gulp.
@Nomina: I was thinking the same thing.
Good to know I wasn't alone!
Oh, now that I've had all my coffee:
Trenta Makes, The World Shakes.
My dream selbstmord is to fill a cup like that with a million billion ristrettos and then drink it.
Finally, all of America will be awake to see the Underpants Gnomes.
Way down among Brazilians coffee beans grow by the billions so they've got to find those extra cups to fill.
You'll see no potato juice.
Instead of larger sizes, how about they offer a roast that's less burned than Freddy Krueger?
I'm not that picky. I'll drink the worst "gas station coffee" available, but I can't even stomach a sip of Starbucks.
Hear, hear. I suspect part of their reasoning is that you can use a cheaper, lower-quality bean without anyone noticing if you turn it into ash.
DOES CHOIRE KNOW YOU ARE POSTING ABOUT DUNKIN' DONUTS WHILE HE'S OUT???
Well, wait. This is just for iced coffee and iced tea. Which is filled with, um, ice. I would bet that the amount of actual coffee that would go into one of these giganto iced coffees would be less than the amount of coffee you'd get in a venti non-iced coffee.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to run to starbucks.
I worked at a DD in high school, and our iced coffee was brewed a lot stronger to make up for the watering-down effect of the ice. I can't speak for Starbucks though.
I can vouch for the Dr as for DD; also, we tended to take a bite out of every other donut or so when we tossed them at the appointed hours (to be replaced by fresh ones). Long sigh for teenage metabolism.
Looking at that drink makes my teeth hurt… I think have to pee.
"Isn't the Max Power way just the wrong way?"
"Yes, but faster!"
I bought some shares of Starbucks way back when because I was sure the Tiazzi was gonna take off, so I hope this fails spectacularly.
"I would rather kiss a dog on the lips than the most beautiful woman in the world if she is a coffee drinker, and I have. This sacrifice was to demonstrate the strength of my convictions, and thereby enlighten a group of addicts, but it didn’t work. I kissed the dog, they kissed the woman, they all went away, and the dog ran after them."
Overstimulation? You honestly believe that they're going to add filler to these giant buckets that actually contains additional coffee??
Venti….Trenta…. I can see where this is going. I might register "googolplexa" as a trademark caffeinated iced beverage.
When Starbucks' Q3 earnings come out reflecting the availability of 32-oz iced caramel macchiattos with extra shots, who's gonna be upgraded to "Don't Sell?" Come on, they'll start offering their milky drinks in those cups within a month.
32 ounces of highly caffeinated corn syrup over ice should be popular with the excitable, paranoid gun rights activist demographic.
OK LETS GET THE MEANING OF THE NAME CORRECT. ITS NOT NAMED AFTER A CITY IN ITALY(WHAT THE HELL??). TRENTA MEANS 30 IN SPANISH/ITALIAN. GET IT VENTI 20oz..TRENTA 30oz.