I am horrified by economic estimates suggesting that Canada's currency-nicknamed "the loonie" after the nation's first Prime Minister, Don Cherry-will at some point this fall be worth more than our own American dollar. This is not simply a matter of jingoistic pride; let the peso soar above the greenback and I'll be down in Cozumel quicker than you can say "cheap hotel stay in Cozumel." No, this is about Canada somehow being able to feel a sense of superiority to its bigger, cooler brother just because it has a sensible financial system and socialized medicine and much less gun crime AND a more valuable dollar. This aggression cannot stand. I would rather live in a fascist dictatorship than to endure in a world where a magazine is actually a dollar less north of the border than it is down here. Prorogue this, you ice-farming scumbags.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
73
AND STOP CALLING YOUR MONEY DOLLARS YOU COPY
It was at par in 2008.
And at $1.10 in 2007. And when I was a kid. I remember we made a lot of trips to Bangor, ME then.
Growing up near the border, I can tell you that the WORST was when you'd go to get a Coke from the vending machine and realize that some asshole had slipped you a Canadian quarter. WHICH the machine wouldn't take. So not only do you not get your Coke, you're ALSO out 25 cents, and all you've got instead is a worthless piece of nickel-plated zinc with some old bag's profile on it.
Of course, now I would kill to have some of those.
DOLLA!
@Colonel Mustard: YES! So annoying. Where did you grow up?
You don't even have to be that close to the border...I occasionally get rogue quarters outside of Boston and in Southern NH tollbooths. Bastards.
@col., I went to bible camp in upstate NY and the pop machines, as they were, accepted both currency. Which only gave us more reasons to beat up the Canadians and their unearned half-priced Crystal Pepsi.
@garge: You had to go to bible camp? Poor thing. And with Canadians? Jeez.
@HiredGoons: Michigan. Half of us already sound like Canadians, and to be fair, some places did actually accept the coins. BUT STILL.
@garge: Crystal Pepsi was like the Eric Roberts of beverages.
@kneetoe, you have no idea. I can still list all of the books of the old testament in order. Seems that acts of debauchery can replace memories only to a certain extent.
@garge: Well, I suppose that helps with the crossword or something. And keep working at the memory displacement debaughery; I'm sure you'll get there one day.
It is sad to consider beer in Windsor could actually be more expensive than Detroit. I never thought the 90's would be the good ol' days.
@Colonel Mustard: I was 2 - 2 1/2 south of Mon'real. My friend had a cabin in upstate Vermont where literally her neighbors across the road were in Canada.
I'm tired of their commedians finding currency in America.
Yes, we should stop Talking to Americans altogether.
Corey Haim was no comedian, mister.
one m
Have a cigarette, Balk. You seem tense.
let the peso soar above the greenback and I'll be down in Cozumel quicker than you can say "cheap hotel stay in Cozumel."
Uh, isn;t that backwards?
Yes. Foreign exchange trading FAIL.
He means he'd be doing more lucrative whoring in Mexico, as opposed to the now-more-lucrative US whoring.
When in doubt, compare GDPs.
"Better than we." -- Canada
At least they'll always have shittier bagels than we do.
And you can keep Celine Dion!
My Canadian relatives (via my wife's family) claim Montreal bagels are the best in the world. How ludicrous is that.
Bah!
*(waves hand in dismissive fashion)
Recently someone was trying to tell me that Montreal's actually beat NYCs. Must they take everything?
Montreal bagels are good!( I favor St-Viateur.) BUT they are nothing like NYC bagels even a little at all. Totally different head, totally. We may enjoy both hole-some bread treats unburdened by international competition. (The Montreal ones are sort of lighter and sweeter, so I do in fact prefer NYC ones, insofar as I prefer anything less sweet even to things that barely sweet.)
Where are the nice beaches in Cozumel, Alex? Where I went they all smelled like diesel.
those are the nice beaches.
The tragedy! Think of the poor soon-to-be-overpriced Canadian hookers!
Have you BEEN to a strip club in Montreal!? I had to go to one with some of my straight friends (made them buy me drinks) and let me tell you I should have brought a bottle of Nair into that den of iniquity.
But have you been to a boy bar in Montreal? SOLID NUDE DANCERS.
Please.
On the plus side, I had a lovely conversation with a young lady who was jiggling her tits in my face. She was a grad student at McGill.
You should have gone to the gay strip clubs. Not a hair for miles around!
@HG: for a moment I thought she was juggling them, which, no matter your pleasure, would have been entertaining.
Here's another thing about strip clubs in Canada...they play hockey fights on the TVs while the girls are dancing. The husband played a bit of serious hockey in his day and loved the trips across the border. The team could get into the strip clubs and watch hockey fights AND boobies at the same time. He says "If a 16 year old boy had to describe heaven, it would be Canada."
I have done plenty of naughty things in Montreal, and yes, some were hairy, but it wasn't universal blight.
You know what else is annoying?
When Canadians do the junior year abroad thing (or whatever they call it...do they even really go to college? who knows, they're probably just smoking pot on a different continent for a year. Whatever.).
Anyway, they all stick a giant, red maple leaf on their backpacks. "Hey look, it's a leaf. We cool. We're not Americans." So IN YOUR FACE with their non-American-ness. And then they take their big, leafy, backpacks and move to a different part of the train. So your stinky Americaness won't rub off on them.
Well here's a tip, cool Canadians from 20 years ago who wouldn't sit by me on the train from Rome to Florence when I was by myself at age 19 because I stunk of America...Italian men like American chicks better. A lot better. And I still have the leather shoes and purses to prove it.
(Junior Year Abroad was about shoes and purses, right?)
Well, hockeymom, I was in Switzerland so my Junior Year Abroad was about chocolate and fondue. Guess I should've gone to Italy instead - more lasting relationship souvenirs, less weight gain.
But otherwise, YES to the stupid backpack thing. Although the worst was Americans I'd met who'd cravenly pasted maple leafs on their backpacks so all the terrorists and Saddam Hussein would think they were Canadian and spare them from carnage. At least the Canucks believed in truth in advertising.
I went many years before 9/11. I wandered around all sorts of countries by myself, even in the middle east. I always got the impression that people liked Americans (except a few random Canadians on one train). Looking back, I'm sure I was being naive, but at the time it never crossed my mind that anyone would want to hurt me. Everyone was so NICE. Times change.
And another thing....I GREW UP in Minnesota. I could probably pass for Canadian, what with the accent, politeness and whatnot.
I'm getting all stirred up, just thinking about it again.
Jeesh.
I was in Switzerland in '90-91, during our first partay in Baghdad, long before 9/11. We'd planned to go to Italy for spring break, but when the war broke out we got tickets for the UK instead because it was 'safer.' By the time spring break rolled around the Gulf War was over and the IRA had resumed its London bombing spree. Go figure.
And everyone was nice to me, for the most part. I never defended my country as much as when I lived over there, though. If I heard one more Frenchie tell me about the horrible racism in the U.S., while insisting there was 'pas de racisme' in France, I was going to haul off and slap 'em.
I like the part where you're at a party and the German hostess grills you in front of the other guests. "And what do you regard as your country's greatest offence in foreign policy?" -- "Our generosity to our enemies whom we have defeated in war." Be ready with that one and it will shorten some unnecessary conversations, but make sure you have taxi fare. -- PS I had a pal who was using the Canadian-while-Interrailing trick 30 years ago.
What's even worse is when one is with some ass-kissing Americans who are interested in pandering to the French and enabling them in their "there is no racism in France" delusions. I was at a fancy French academic party and found myself in conversation with two French academics and an American all in total agreement that when the French refer sneeringly to "les blacs" they aren't at all being racist, they're just talking about a certain type of black person they don't like, you see? I had to walk away before my head exploded.
Yes, it's important to remember that there is no racism in Europe. I am in Scandinavia just now and considering wearing a man-hijab with a maple leaf pattern on it when I go out. Just to see what they make of that.
I like that rejoinder, will remember it next time I bump into sneering Europeans (as long as I have a full wallet). And photos of the Canuck hijab and Scandinavian reactions to it, plz!
Dollar shmollar. We'll still welcome Balk's cock here in Soviet Canukistan!
Oh dear, where to begin. Better not to at all; less stressful that way. The post did make me think of pirogies though.
Skip to 2003: I am sitting in a hot tub in Alberta with two ladies from Winnipeg who are ghostly pale and have horrifying teeth. "Where ya' from?" one asks through the steam. I tell her. They start laughing hysterically.
"WHAT?" I squeak. "What's so funny about that?"
Their eyes bug. Then, simultaeously: "You elected BUSH!!" Then back to the seizure spasms and flying spittle through flecked teeth.
I realized I had utterly no comeback. Hardly mattered: they didn't wait.
"Our beer's got more alcohol in it, too!"
So I went outside in my bathrobe and unplugged their car heater.
Those Transcona girls are so gauche.
love u
November 2008 was a time of great joy for me, as I got to point at those sorts of people (aka the relatives of my beloved) and say Ha! Ha! Harper! Or sometimes Oil sands! Petrothugs!
Am an unrepentant Canadaphile. This conflict is tearing me apart. Make love, not war, North Americans.
Oh, they would have apologized even without the rant. Of course, once it hits par, they're going to buy up all the empty houses in Florida.
They shoulda held the Olympics in DC, am I right?
I'm getting ads pushing FX trading. They must be more lucrative than American Apparel ads, right? Let's keep it up with the currency discussions. Next: what position to take on Greek currency?
You are a magician, fitaletc! Now ads are for currency trading.
Zip it, Balk. You know you want it. Just let them overthrow the U.S. and be done with it. It was a fun 234 years while it lasted. Time to get back to work.
OMG the Bicentennial was 34 years ago. Christ.
You can have our garbage if you want. Oh wait..you already do (Michigan). *snicker*
Your birth order issues are showing again, Alex.
As I live in Canada, this only sucks for me as I get paid in US dollars. Does anyone remember 2005, when the loonie was at .59? I was stupid-happy counting my dirty money and not bothering to clean my fingernails.
I live in WA but go to grad school in BC, and I have a bank account on either side of the border. Basically this means I get fucked no matter what, because I am terrible with money and always have all my loony dollars in the wrong account at the wrong time.
BRING ON THE AMERO
Are you going to UBC? If so, you are most likely saving a metric ton of money in tuition with Canada's subsidized education.
Yes, I am at UBC. And I am delighted about the savings. I kind of stumbled into UBC by accident, but I can't imagine being (or paying to go) anywhere else. I mean, where else would I have a nude beach next door to the office?
I went to UBC for grad school too. I always had respectable looking tourists asking me where Wreck Beach was. I'd point them the way and then warn them that the nudists there are quite radically fundamentalist about their nekkidness. Not so much "clothes optional" as "nudity required". Neo-hippie ideologues!
Two words: Vancouver Bud.
"I'm going to make the most international coffee we have! Montreal Morn."
The health care is pretty neat.