Damn. PETA is calling for the world's most famous polar bear to be castrated. Apparently, three-year-old Knut, star of the Berlin zoo has been getting very close to Giovanna, a female bear handlers brought to his pen last year while hers went under construction. Unfortunately, there's a snag. PETA's zoo expert and polar bear cock-blocker Frank Albrecht says that Knut and Giovanna should not be allowed to mate because they are cousins. As Discovery reports, "Any offspring would threaten the genetic diversity of the polar bear population in Germany and risk exposing the bear couple to a condition known as "incest depression..." I guess that makes sense. It would be kinda gross and Appalachian. But what about "penis amputation" depression, isn't that a thing? Albrecht said, "Knut fans need to know that only Knut's castration would allow a long life together with Giovanna." Man, with friends like these... Can't they find another she bear for Knut? Seems like there's one floating around on a chunk of ice wherever you look lately.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
16
Castration is ethical treatment?? WTF??
Why aren't there more polar bears in Arkansas?
Bitches can outrun their brothers, what I always heard.
Leave Knut's nuts alone! Just give him ice condoms or put her on the pill or something if you're that worried about depressed incest cubs.
And has it occurred to them that cutting of his nuts would REALLY decrease the genetic diversity of polar bears in Germany? Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot: this is PETA. The only sense they have is how to get attention.
Here's the weird thing though- it's not the cubs, they're saying it's Knut and his ol' lady who would get depressed. They're animals, you think they know they're cousins? I mean, does this guy have a degree in the psychopathology of polar bear family dysfunction? Or is he just some dick from PETA?
Well, regardless of his educational background, he's still a dick from PETA...
Semper, I'd get really depressed if I had to live in captivity with my family too.
True that.
A few cubs are going to change the genetic diversity of a captive population of polar bears a million miles outside polar bear range? Now there's something I never thought to worry about.
"the genetic diversity of the polar bear population in Germany"
Can't somebody hurry up and DO something, ferchristssakes? Next thing you know it'll be the endangered conjugal rights of hippos in Queens, or the dwindling spiritual wellbeing of trout in Phoenix? And where the fuck will it all end? And where does Sarah Palin fit into all this?
Yes! Palin! She'd be a perfect substitute for Giovanna!
Is there any reason Knut can't get a vasectomy?
Appalachian is code for incest among New York new media people... lulzography
Don't cut Knuts!
Or, wait, "Don't knuter me bro!"
Oh Christ, is it only Thursday?
I can't believe The Awl published a story about bears that Balk did not write.