The New York Post looks at the top-selling items at the Riker's Island commissary, where inmates "might get shanked — but they're never gouged." Leading the list of purchases: ramen noodles, the seasoning package of which is used to enhance other jailhouse fare. What else sells? Processed meat products and pastries are popular, apparently. "Perhaps the last words one wants to hear in the pokey are 'beef stick' or 'honey bun,' but those two snacks have both been staples of the inmate diet for decades, officials said." There are cosmetics on offer too! "Soap is a big seller at the commissaries. Alas, it doesn't come on a rope." Hahaha, you know why they said "alas"? Because if you drop the soap, you will get raped! Raped right in the ass! Like a little bitch! That is some powerful storytelling right there.
Monday, March 1, 2010
9
You know it doesn't come on a rope? Because you will be beaten with it.
HAW HAW. It's a wonder they didn't have Sean Delonas illustrate it.
I was planning to offer up some glibness about "prison is funny," but first I Googled "prison comedies," because I was trying to think of all the hysterical prison movies there were, and I was getting stuck after Stir Crazy, which, truth be told, wasn't all that hysterical.
First I came to a review of Let's Go To Prison (Bob Odenkirk, 2006) from the Times. It had this sentence:
"In fact, the whole movie is that way: it serves up the characters and situations you'd expect from a prison comedy but then plays them with wry understatement."
So, I could see there must be lots of prison comedies, and I'm spending too much time in Juliette Binoche movies, which now and then is a little like prison, without the comedy.
I Googled more and found this:
http://levinovey.com/2009/12/23/why-my-mother-in-law-enjoyed-big-stan-a-comedy-about-prison-rape/
which is a Rob Schneider movie about prison rape that was a smash hit in Peru. And I thought, if anyone can carry a prison rape movie, and make it a smash hit in Peru, it's Rob Schneider. Plus, isn't Peru real close to where they had that thing the other day that made all those people go up the hill in Honolulu? That also knocked down the walls of a prison (not in Haiti) nearby to the thing, and all the prisoners ran away?
Prison is funny.
What we got here is ... a failure to communicate.
I actually LOVE Let's Go To Prison! (That's right at my taste level, I'm afraid.) But it's mainly that GOB Bluth can do no wrong...
Dropping soap in shower huge problem in the Navy as well.
Kind of a universal, I guess. It's a bitch being clean.
What is the deal with soap on a rope? I mean, who thought of that? Because it rhymes? What's next? Shaving cream on a wooden beam? Oh and tune into "The Marriage Ref" Thursday at 10:00 on NBC.
Ugh. I caught that trash on NBC last night. It was awful. Just 30 minutes of Jerry's horse teeth and Alec Baldwin giving cheeky looks to the crowd.
Pertinently: What does Jerry Seinfeld have on these people?