Friday, March 26th, 2010

The 11 Best Egg-Shaped Easter Candies

These things absolutely disgust me, and yet every year I am suckered into buying them again, thinking, "Maybe they're actually good." And every year I'm all, "Ewww, that is just nasty." This is Balk writing this alt-text by the way, I have no idea what Maura's poisition on Creme Eggs is.11. Cadbury Mini Eggs
10. Cadbury Hollow Eggs Filled With Cadbury Mini Crisp Eggs
9. Whoppers Robin Eggs
8. Hershey Marshmallow Eggs
7. Cadbury Caramel Chocolate Eggs
6. Brach's Fiesta Malted Milk Eggs
5. Perugina Baci Dark Chocolate Easter Eggs
4. Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs (6 oz. size)
3. Reese's Pieces Pastel Eggs
2. Fannie May Marshmallow Eggs (Dark chocolate)
1. Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs (1.2 oz. size)

Maura Johnston never really cared for Peeps.

102 Comments / Post A Comment

lempha (#581)

OMG I'm anti-Peeps too!

Yeah, fuck Peeps.

But whoppers and any other malted milk candy is nasty as hell.

lempha (#581)

:/ I like those, kinda.

I actually just CAN'T STAND

lempha (#581)

regular candy that comes in pastels and is suddenly Easter basket material.

David Cho (#3)

How many Peeps can someone really eat though. Like I mean, really.

jetztinberlin (#392)

Oh, ALL OF THEM. Yes, I'm a disgusting hog. For the Peeps-haters, consider this:

Also, word on the Creme Eggs. They are the big mama. All other Easter candies only dream of being Cadbury Creme Eggs.

WindowSeat (#180)

Open the pkg of Peeps and let them sit for like 2 days until they are hard. They are sublime.

Mmmm. Stale Peeps are delicious.

dailyny (#3,326)

In one sitting? 11. 15 if they are stale. Sigh…

RocketSurgeon (#1,632)

Even when they're wearing a little chocolate tuxedo?

conklin (#364)

I'm printing this list to take to the store with me right after Easter when everything is 75% off.

If I see you at my Walgreens, there will be blood.

jaimealyse (#647)

Reese's Pieces Pastel Eggs are indeed awesome, but Cadbury Mini Eggs should be way higher. They are mouth magic. (Like your mom.)

philomene (#355)

I think this list should be reversed. Cadbury mini eggs are my biggest weakness all year. I cannot pass them to save my life. Thankfully in the UK the bags seem to be smaller than in the US.

jolie (#16)

Were the regular creme eggs deliberately left off this list?

Also: Balk, you miserable fuck, of all the things you've done to enrage me over the years this is without a doubt the most egregious. THE MALIGNING OF CADBURY CREME EGGS WILL NOT STAND. Choire, you hush up too. I DO NOT CARE WHAT IS IN THEM, OKAY?

i don't like creme eggs! too much!

shorty (#885)


lempha (#581)

Sometimes I eat like one quarter of one and then throw out the rest or make some family member eat it, and that's enough for me for a full year.

mathnet (#27)

I'm with you on that! But the minis should be NUMBER ONE, JOHNSTON.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

I have eaten half and put the other half in the fridge for later. No shame in this.

shorty (#885)

I immediately buy the box of four as soon as they come out and then will eat one creme egg a day until I have trouble zipping up my jeans. Then I will freak out and not eat any more until the after Easter sale. And that's my little confession for the day.

alison (#14)

yes, half of one a year is perfect.

HiredGoons (#603)

@jolie: Honey, I know.

#Night of the Broken Creme Eggs

tracybluth (#1,973)

Agreed. Minis are the best.

HiredGoons (#603)


PandaEyes (#772)

More cruelty to creme eggs. Sort of disturbing with the sound on:

jolie (#16)

@cherri: AND YOU'RE DRINKING IT OUT OF A TUMBLER LAKFHSALKHSFLKHS!!! Hey, we should really go get some wine with ice one of these nights. Email me!
@HG: Kremeeggnacht

HiredGoons (#603)

@jolie: mmmm, eggnacht.

Rod T (#33)

1. Is Easter this Sunday?
2. Whatever happened to Choi?

Matt (#26)

Can these eggs be housebroken? Can I train these eggs to use the human toilet?

Andy Rosenberger (#3,872)

i hear that in the UK they have Cadbury Creme Milkshakes at McDonalds. I seriously had NO desire to visit there until I heard that. Now I'm on a crusade.

bureaucrette (#367)

There is such a thing as a Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurry in Britain. And, trust me, it is so worth the risk of a stabbing.

Delta (#1,314)

We also have this treat in Canada, and potentially a lesser risk of stabbing, unless you happen to live in Saskatchewan.

myfanwy (#1,124)

Hey, now. Stabbings only happen when they run out. Besides, the insulating layer of fat generated by McFlurries wards off major organ damage and blood loss.

brianvan (#149)


Rod T (#33)

And, sorry, but you're missing the best ever. Green and Black's eggs in all varieties kick the ass of everything, every:

Kakapo (#2,312)

Number one is absolutely correct. Nothing better than that grainy, sugary peanut-butter-like substance.

Evie (#3,227)

No Creme Eggs? Go back to Kenya.

myfanwy (#1,124)

So that's where they come from.

alison (#14)

Westcoasters: See's Scotchmallow eggs should be on here, amirite??

wb (#2,214)

For Cadbury Creme Egg lovers, a recipe:

Holy shit. That picture.

tracybluth (#1,973)

The gaping egg wound.

6h057 (#1,914)

I think I just gained 11 pounds after reading this.

BoHan (#29)

Someone make a joke about that lady-author who looks at eggs. I can't think of one.

Me neither but that is all I could think of from the headline. Imagine my surprise to find this was about candy.

HiredGoons (#603)

"something something, bitch lives for Easter."

Her name is Ann.

tracybluth (#1,973)


myfanwy (#1,124)


coreyp (#4,166)

Ditto Evie.
Clear factual errors here. Shameful.

NinetyNine (#98)

Is the Brach's you refer is these? Because these need to be on the lest. Though I think there's another robin's egge product out there I can't remember.

Jelly beans are egg-shaped!

City_Dater (#2,500)

No, Jelly Beans are BEAN shaped. But you've got the Easter candy spirit!

yes! Jelly beans need to be on there (#2, if I were writing this list)

Kakapo (#2,312)

You jelly bean people have been around some… unwell chickens.

I'm still learning this whole urban chicken keeping thing.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Neither Russell Stover nor Zitner's Eggs are mentioned here. Good. More for me during the Easter Monday clearance sale.

portmanteautally (#1,015)

I too am all over the Russell Stover. Marshmallow eggs, yum!

portmanteautally (#1,015)

Balk, BTW

portmanteautally (#1,015)

I don't know why the second post above is a reply to you, it was intended to stand alone… :(

HiredGoons (#603)

Peanut Butter Eggs be deadly for the waistline!

Not to mention my blood sugar level!

garge (#736)

I fight the good fight each year when my mom sends me one of those giant ones (like, the size of both of my fists put together).

I have been trying to curb the emotional turmoil by just upping my netflix queue, calling in sick, and just sitting on the couch with a cutting board and cheese knife, and eating the thing in one day. Thus, begins my traditional Easter fast!

mrschem (#1,757)

You are hard core.

Regulators (#4,114)

Fannie May Marshmallow Eggs? who buys candy with the word fannie in it. it's like clothes shopping at the Dress Barn.

Legs Battaglia (#2,484)

Are there Freddie Mac Marshmallow Eggs, too?

Regulators (#4,114)

Yeah I think those are free for homeowners under the stimulus package.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

What about the personalized chocolate Easter egg your nana got you every year?

Flashman (#418)

Not an Easter treat per se, but SURELY Kinder Surprise eggs deserve some sort of mention? I love waxy white choklit! And putting together little models.
But, ew to anything on that list involving peanut butter. The mixing of chocolate & PB is just wrogn.

White chocolate is an abomination.

Dave Bry (#422)

I agree. I used to like white chocolate. Toblerone's triangular bars, which my German grandmother would feed me. But then I got older, and, yuck.

Bittersweet (#765)

Urgh, white chocolate. "Waxy" is indeed the operative word there, Flash.

mrschem (#1,757)

Egad and it does not melt. It just sort of….separates.

cherrispryte (#444)

The more I hear about what all of you people eat, the more I am confused by my own fatty fatness.

HiredGoons (#603)

You're all wrong – it's all about the Easter Diorama Sugar Eggs:

jolie (#16)

Mama Ro buys me one every year. The 2010 iteration is perched atop my refrigerator, where I can enjoy peering into it every morning as I wait for my coffee to brew.

HiredGoons (#603)


hockeymom (#143)

Those are my favorite! My sisters and I used to get one every year and we would pretend we lived inside the egg. We made up all these elaborate stories about "Easter Egg World" and the sparkly princesses who ruled the land while wearing pastel. You could also fly in "Easter Egg World".

I must get one of those eggs for my daughter this year. Thanks, Goons!

jolie (#16)

@hockeymom: That just made me so happy – to think that this here little website reminded you of a childhood memory that you will now pass down to your daughter… so sweet. snifflesob.

HiredGoons (#603)

<- *DYING*

HiredGoons (#603)

@hockeymom: Pastels? honey…

Bittersweet (#765)

So cute! Must…get…for…my…munchkin. Are they at drugstores or do you have to go upscale?

Foster Kamer (#4,167)

Wait, so nothing about the gum that comes in the egg-crate shaped packages? I mean, yeah, they lose their flavor after five solid chomps, but that doesn't make them any less incredible. You know? :(


sox (#652)

but you're rather cute when you're mad.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Which are best for gazing at?

HiredGoons (#603)


Regulators (#4,114)

The kind that cause you to put a magazine out of business before the economy tanks.

Sackin (#2,393)

Maura, Creme eggs. Really.

Also, Passover is on Monday. I want my best kosher fruit shaped jellies list. I mean come on, it's not ALL Jesus and easter bunnies.

Slackferno (#197)

Problem with this listicle? No bacon

NOW we're talkin'.

myfanwy (#1,124)

Oh creme egg, how I lusted for your glistening insides when I was young and naive. But alas, like cotton candy, your promise of unparalleled deliciousness turned out to be LIES.

hockeymom (#143)

I do not care for Jelly Beans.* Not even the fancy Ronald Reagan kind. They taste like wax, rolled in sugar.

*exception…black jelly beans.

cherrispryte (#444)


kmvail01 (#4,177)

there are cadbury mini eggs sitting next to me on my kitchen counter currently. i am a connoisseur of chocolate eggs.

dailyny (#3,326)

mmmm, Hershey Marshmallow Eggs. mmmmmmm.

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