The Sun brings word of professor Roy Maxion, who has done research on the variations in typing speed, rhythm, and weight to determine the age and gender of the typist. Says former police inspector Phil Butler, an official on the record, of Maxion, "He can now identify anyone using a keyboard within a 95 per cent accuracy within ten keystrokes. As soon as you type ten numbers or letters he can work out your sex, your culture, your age and whether you have any hand injuries." It is suggested that this method of identification could help alert children that they are actually IMing with an adult-perhaps even a member of the clergy, whose years of handling the sacrament has surely affected his keystrokes-rather than a sexting partner of their own age. It all seems a bit unlikely to me, but then again ALL CAPS and an AOL address are already used to identify crazy people, so maybe there's something to it.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
36
LIES! ALL LIES!
send comments to "johnpseudonym@AOL.com"
I type like Tom Hanks in Big . My keyboard is 50 feet across and I jump from letter to letter. Creating an ampersand can be tricky.
You need StickyKeys (or mfingshutoffyoustupidgoddamstickykeys as I call it.)
It's also a tipoff to kids when the person they're chatting with has a screen name like kiddieluvah or donttellyourparentsimcomingbylater.
Kids should really just ask them how much they like Iced Tea, because that's always a dead giveaway.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZcBHijFfHM
You can tell they're from the UK if imagiantpaedophile IM's you. So there is some benefit to different English spellings after all.
He can tell by your keystrokes if you're English by the bad teeth and pasty skin.
How foolish we'll all look when Dingbats and Juno Webmail prove the true path to salvation.
Shit. I've got to stop typing with my toes.
JOLIEKERR@AOL.COM
It has been suggested that I use this email address to send Alex Balk harassing emails. In all caps.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE, ANYWAY?
HOW MUCH HAIR ARE WE REALLY TALKING ABOUT?
ARE YOU DONE CRYING YET?
WHY DO YOU STILL DRINK FROM JUICE BOXES, SIR?
HOW DO I PRONOUNCE THE NAME OF THAT FELLOW YOU WORK WITH?
WHO WAS THAT PIGEON??
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.
ARE YOU SURE MEN TAKE BREAK-UPS HARDER THAN WOMEN?
MOMMY ISSUES, REALLY?
WHY IS THAT COMPUTER BEING HELD TOGETHER WITH TAPE?
WHAT IS THIS PILE OF SWEATERS?
ARE YOU PLANNING TO EMPTY THAT ASHTRAY?
RING-DINGS? REALLY? A MAN OF YOUR SIZE?
WHY WOULD YOU LET THAT CAT BOSS YOU AROUND LIKE THAT HAVE YOU NO SELF-RESPECT?
HOW ARE YOU DOING IN THE FINAL FOUR BRACKET?
I type like a rich guy with a big dick.
HiredGoons would like you to *call him
I type like a sad bro. Honestly.
I would like you to call me! Mr. Knee
It gives my sexting that something extra.
I suppose this means he can if you are typing with only one hand?
I meant to say he can TELL if you are typing with one hand
(goddamit)
Yeah, but what does dictation say about ME?
I type like a user of adderall, which I guess means I am between the ages of 8 and 30.
i type like a one-handed pedophile...um, meant to say a DIFFERENTLY-ABLED pedophile.
I type like a Greenberg
What if you type in triplicate?
No big deal.
No big deal.
No big deal.
Yeah, I am sure my seven-fingered typing assessment would read 'perverted child.'
Black people type **LIKE THIS**
OK, where's the online test? I need to find out my age and gender.
opps was supposed to go here
http://bookblog.net/gender/genie.php
no age ID though.
Also, is the accompanying image what pops up when you google "pedophile keyboard"?
http://bookblog.net/gender/genie.php