They are going to maybe outlaw the smoking in state parks and beaches in California, which, shocked that they haven't already? But I guess not all of California is Marin. (Am I right? High fives, anyone?) Anyway now California is all, "Smoking is bad for beaches." Like, people leave cigarette butts out there and stuff. Dudes, do you know what the ocean is basically made of? Dead bodies. Do you ever stop to think about how many millions of corpses have been dumped into the ocean over the literally thousands of years humans have existed? It's basically one giant open pit of ground-up human flesh. This is pretty much all I can think about at the beach, so it's only fair that you do too. I'm not trying to be gross! It's just super carcassey out there!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
27
Don't forget the fact that it's a giant fish toilet!
Whales! Worse than Great Danes.
THIS is the reason I will not go swimming in any body of water that isn't at least like 10% chlorine.
@Colonel Mustard:
Story Time.
One time I was swimming in a lake back in Vermont, and when I surfaced a giant, human turd went floating by right in front of me LIKE IT WAS FUCKING TIMED.
Yeah, sorry Choire, it's mostly fish shit. (Salted!)
I join you in not being a fan of the beach, though.
@HiredGoons: That's pretty much how every bath with my sister ended when I was a small child.
Back in elementary school, I got the idea that lakes were what was left of dinosaur toilets (but diluted with rain water). It perfectly explained why Lake Erie was so gross.
Oh, the great Erie [Er-ay-eh]! It was where I saw my first tampon and condom; both were used.
Garge, ack! At least on East Coast beaches the only sketchy thing I saw regularly were syringes and empties...
I spent many a day playing with small, pink, torpedo-shaped plastic things on the beach in New Jersey-they made for very cool-looking spaceships-before my mom told me they were tampon applicators. Also, Coney Island Whitefish aren't really fish, you know.
If they're going to do this they need to crack down on the tradition of furniture bonfires: going down to Ocean Beach with lots of beer and a truck load of unwanted furniture and burning it (not the beer!) How could cigarettes be worse than fumes of synthetic fabric and stuffing, dead roaches, bed bugs, etc.
That pic looks like the cover for an ambient techno remake of The Bends.
I was thinking a Mars Volta album
The demise of Max Headroom.
A giant fish toilet, yes--unless you live in Long Beach. In Long Beach, the beach is basically all of LA's toilet. It's disgusting.
Hahahahah, exactly. But the thing is, Santa Monica is no different. There's so much poop in Santa Monica Bay that EVERYTHING DIED, fish and plants and etc., and there was like a ten-foot-thick layer of "clay" (poop) on the sea floor, because of 50 years of untreated sewage pouring out from El Segundo. But now the sewage is treated so it's okay! Dive right in. Poophair.
This is why I drive up to Carillo. That and to watch the surfers.
Not to mention, like, all the stale beer. How many half empty cans of PBR have fallen into that thing? (Or half full cans.) GROSS.
There will always be a moon over Marin.
Don't forget that any seawater by a metropolitan area is mostly human poop.
Seriously, it's human poop. Where do you think it goes? It goes in the ocean, then washes back into your hair while you're swimming.
When I was a kid we took a family trip to Spain. On the beach in Malaga we saw a half-buried sewage pipe that ended somewhere underwater. My parents pulled us out of the surf but quick.
I would like the following also banned at beaches:
Balls,
Lotion,
Children,
Adults
Teens can stay but only if they fornicate.
So it's just screwing teens and unattended household pets?
You guys all suck. TEAM BEACH!
(I am secretly on team beach)
As long as this line of thinking keeps other people away from the beach, I am all for it. It'll be that much easier to get a parking space.
I find yelling 'shark!' thins out the herd nicely.