Sunday, March 7th, 2010
114

Actually Liveblogging The Oscars Part 3: Punny Title About Movies And Blogging Goes Here

God, when will this STOP happening?Alex Balk (11:20): Since David Cho is never satisfied, we are once again shifting locations! Welcome back to the purgatory that is this year's Oscar ceremony. They just gave the Award For Thing In Non-English Language, but I was too busy setting this up, so I hope you were all able to make your own jokes about it. Anyway, let's RIDE THIS BITCH HOME.

AB (11:25): Here comes the Man award!

AB (11:25): OMG, is it going to be PERSONAL TESTIMONIES for every nominee?

AB (11:26): Seriously, don't you feel like someone is going to inadvertently admit to being raped?

AB (11:28): Who was not impressed with Colin Firth's courage?

AB (11:30): Colin Farell is inadvertently going to admit to raping someone.

AB (11:31): Oh God, we're going to have to watch that all again but for the women aren't we?

AB (11:32): Every other actor who knew that Jeff Bridges was going to win Best Actor did a very admirable job of nodding and smiling when they announced his win.

AB (11:33): Jeff Bridges is the coolest guy to ever have been tweaking on the Academy stage.

AB (11:35): Jeff Bridges' next Oscar will come for Old Colonel Sanders.

AB (OPRAH!): OPRAH!

AB (11:41): I don't think anyone should be bringing up Hope Floats.

AB (11:43): I am worried that Captain Caveman is going to hurt Helen Mirren.

AB (11:43): Peter Sarsgaard is going for a JV-John Malkovich thing, right?

AB (11:45): Oprah Winfrey is making Academy voters wish they could change their ballots right now.

AB (11:46): The Tooch has GOT to be pissed about following that.

AB (11:47): Sean Penn is going to wish rectal cancer on Meryl Streep!

AB (11:49): Sandra Bullock, ladies and gentlemen! The chick from Speed!

AB (11:49): George Clooney's girlfriend: loaded. And who could blame her?

AB (11:50): Sandra Bullock actually deserves an Oscar for this acceptance speech.

AB (11:52): Um, cannot argue with that acceptance speech. WHO HAS A KICKER LIKE THAT?

AB (11:53): I know all you people are thinking horrid, ageist thoughts about Barbra Streisand and it makes me sick. Animals.

AB (11:55): THIS IS FOR YOU, HILLARY! WE FINALLY CRACKED THAT GLASS CEILING!

AB (11:56): Okay, the crack is finally cooked! Bigelow wins Best Director, although Streisand is TOTALLY gonna swipe that statue on the way to the green room. Anyway, I am done. To cap off your evening, here is David Cho.

DC (11:57): Alex's bedtime has come and gone, so I guess I'm finishing this up? Was that side-by-side of Barbara Streisand (ugly and small) and Kathryn Bigelow (tall and hot) the most jarring visual ever?

DC (11:59): And I guess we're done? The Hurt Locker wins for Best Picture and also hottest director!

DC (12:00AM – YEP!): Jeremy Renner is making a serious face right now. Apparently he's been trying to holler at Jessica Simpson at the Oscar parties this week.

DC (12:02): And thus concludes our Oscar liveblog! Many, many, many thanks to Katie Baker for helping liveblog and also thanks to Carey Mulligan, Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Julianne Moore, and Kathryn Bigelow for all being super attractive and talented!

114 Comments / Post A Comment

brianvan (#149)

Hour 3 of the Oscars: The Hurt Locker

brianvan (#149)

Actually it's hour 4, and I have been rendered unable to count by this brutality. I have a BS in math, btw.

NinetyNine (#98)

Dude, your SAT scores or it didn't happen.

brianvan (#149)

720 Math 690 (old) Verbal on my test run, which I kept.

brianvan (#149)

Also, I would never have this conversation with less than 4 drinks.

"Fewer." Hence the 690.
(KIDDING!)

brianvan (#149)

No, I agree. I coulda kept another 20 points if I didn't have all that Jersey dragging me down.

The Oscars are headed into overtime!

Too bad it isn't the "sudden death" variety.

David Cho (#3)

JULIANNE MOORE IS LOOKING GOOD!!!

brianvan (#149)

Cosign! And Michelle Pfeiffer!

I think me and David Cho have the same taste in women.

Fuckin' A!

(Also, I kinda like the pre-award verbal fellatio?)

phlox (#204)

If yr doin' fellatio right, you can't actually talk.
As it should be.

Actually, it's the "slow death" variety.

I like enormous talent!

Sorry, tried to shut the door on that one. SOMEONE got me thinking about the ride home…

HiredGoons (#603)

I wonder how enormous Colin Firth's talent is?

HiredGoons (#603)

Also: Colin Farrel speak strangely for a South African.

hockeymom (#143)

He's dreamy.

phlox (#204)

They don't call him Colin Girth for nuttin.

Ok, let's play a game: Guess what Jeff is under the influence of right now …?

HiredGoons (#603)

"Bridges is going on a stoned rant, we need more timpanis!"

I mean, he seemed a little wasted to me. But maybe that's just his personality.

phlox (#204)

Ophrah!!?? No.

Pop Socket (#187)

White russians. Just like me.

You like White Russians? I… I'm a white Russian.

Jeff Bridges' strange girlish giggle is… something less than endearing to me.

(His wife really IS gorgeous, though. Good on 'im.)

Maevemealone (#968)

Agreed on both.

HiredGoons (#603)

Dear Jeff Bridges,

Please be my uncle.

regards,

'Goons.

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!! JEFF BRIDGES!!!!!

phlox (#204)

This is like 'One Degree of Who Gives a Fuck'.

maebefunke (#154)

Oprah is blinding all those dudes on stage with her star power.

Is it just me, or do all these speeches have a "wedding reception toast" feel to them?

conklin (#364)

CC (UMA!): UMA!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH Captain Caveman!

David Cho (#3)

OPRAH IS A COMMANDING FORCE.

hockeymom (#143)

Tucci looks slightly annoyed with her.

cherrispryte (#444)

Awwww I love that Oprah's doing Gabby's intro. And I love how excited Gabby is about this.
Ok, let's be honest. I just love Gabby in general.

LondonLee (#922)

Please make this luvvie circle jerk stop.

HiredGoons (#603)

MERYL IS GLOWING LIKE AN ANGEL.

maebefunke (#154)

OPRAH YOU MAKE ME CRY SOMETIMES

brianvan (#149)

Sean Penn is smoking some of that Jeff Bridges weed.

Maevemealone (#968)

Ok, that was AWESOME. Say what you want, but I want to drink with Sandra Bullock.

HiredGoons (#603)

*call me

LondonLee (#922)

I hate to be a a cliche but I like Sandra Bullock so I'm happy.

hockeymom (#143)

Sandra Bullock.
Wow.

hockeymom (#143)

And her comment might be a bit of a slap at her ex's wife.

hockeymom (#143)

ugh…..at her husband's ex. whatever. THE HURT LOCKER!

maebefunke (#154)

You had me at "While You Were Sleeping."

"Academy Award winners Mo'nique and Sandra Bullock." Nope; will never sound right.

phlox (#204)

Look at me, I'm Sandra B.
Lousy with Humility

Everybody likes Sandra.

Everybody likes Jeff.

This must be one of the most well-liked best-actor/best-actress combos in Oscar history.

Abe Sauer (#148)

Sandra Bullock is the new Internet nice.

Katie Baker (#2,378)

I REALLY LOVE HER LIPSTICK THOUGH.

David Cho (#3)

I DO NOT.

cherrispryte (#444)

me too! But kinda I hate her right now, in fat girl solidarity with Gabby.

HiredGoons (#603)

^ with her.

maebefunke (#154)

Let's go lipstick shopping RIGHT NOW

LondonLee (#922)

I DO

Jesse James is currently trying to figure out how to make that Oscar into a motorcycle.

haha :) well done

HiredGoons (#603)

BABS!?

cherrispryte (#444)

I know right?

HiredGoons (#603)

She looks like she just got back from an Amish Funeral.

Way to psych out the black dude, Barbra.

So glad that the first black best director Oscar winner wasn't not-Spike Lee.

HiredGoons (#603)

YES KATHRYN BIGELOW.

phlox (#204)

She's Queen of the World!

WOOOOOOOOOOOO!! CHICK DIRECTOR!!!
[am I doin this rite?)

cherrispryte (#444)

YES YOU ARE.

OMG and BEST PICTURE!!!
HOLY CRAP!!!
Someone is definitely doin this rite. And it is Kathryn EmEffing Bigelow!!

Maevemealone (#968)

Hottest Best Director ever?!

phlox (#204)

Hottest ever?
I'm still going with Robert Redford circa 1980.

Kathryn Bigelow is so hot and her movie was amazing

Abe Sauer (#148)

can we stop calling The Hurt Locker an "independent film?"

berthamason (#740)

Please to explain?

Abe Sauer (#148)

In some circles this film is spoken about like it was shot on the fly using credit cards or something when i fact it had a hundred person crew with all the Hollywood fixings. Was a "big studio" picture? Not really. Was it really a small indie film like it likes to think it is? Hardly.

sixlocal (#296)

"Low budget" rather than "indie."

Whoa – did they just skip naming all the nominees?

cherrispryte (#444)

They have spent all night naming all the nominees!

LondonLee (#922)

"Well, the time has come… someone really smoking hot has won Best Director"

Again? AMAZING.

phlox (#204)

That was fast, Tom! He wants this to end as well.

Abe Sauer (#148)

Tom Hanks IS a great American.

hockeymom (#143)

Hurt Locker people look so happy…sweet.

Hahaha, wish I screencapped it, but Wikipedia decided Avatar deserved best picture.

"The show was so long that Avatar now takes place…in the past."

Maevemealone (#968)

I hope she drinks her champagne and smokes her cigar on the stage. Bring her a Zamboni!

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

DO IT! WIN BEST PICTURE HURT LOCKER! Make James Cameron watch your ass walk in stage!

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

BEST PICTURE! YES! HURT LOCKER! WHO DAT! WHO DAT! SUCK SPACE SMURFS!!!

HiredGoons (#603)

Took my breath away (muzaklly).

I know they were running long, but I still can't believe Tom Hanks didn't even read off the names of the best-picture nominees before announcing the winner. Kind of took all the wind out of the sails of what's supposed to be the most dramatic moment in the movie biz.

But where do you think they could have made up the time?

sixlocal (#296)

Maybe the 10 minute long credits?

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

It's the "Marrisa Tomei" moment of the 2010 Oscars.

HiredGoons (#603)

@TerseNursePornstein: Less Oprah.

David Cho (#3)

Or the excessively long montages.

phlox (#204)

Less interpretive dance!
And by that, I mean no interpretive dance

Getting warmer…

phlox (#204)

@TerseNursePornstein: Ok, ditch the congratulatory/anecdotal circle-jerk as well as the interpretive dancing. That way we have time for another (better) NPH number and still finish 15 minutes earlier.
Is that right?

brianvan (#149)

"Best Picture! The Hurt Locker. Hanx."

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

Seriously, I am sooo happy the long Avatar nightmare is finally over.

Ahem, CHO?!
Katie Baker = ALSO super attractive and talented!

phlox (#204)

Hey AWL, thanks for opening-up on Sunday!

kfon (#3,209)

Does anyone know what the eff Sean Penn was talking about there, with the forgetting actresses and last year and academy stuff? I feel like he was talking about his marriage and politics simultaneously, somehow, cryptically. Explain!

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

He was talking about the Platt Amendment. Mr. Hand really drilled that shit into him.

mcbeachy (#548)

I believe he was referring to the fact that he forgot to thank his wife last year when he won, and that the Academy forgot to INCLUDE his (now ex) wife this year in the Best Actress category. I just saw the Private Lives of Pippa Lee the other night, and Robin Wright is incredible in it. She consistently turns in amazing performances and is never nominated. I'm not sure why that movie didn't get more attention. Could it be that it was written and directed by a woman… and wasn't about a war?

mcbeachy (#548)

Apologies for the random caps.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Whatever. But Sarah Jessica Parker definitely won the female lead for Avatar II.

brianvan (#149)

I'm leaning more toward another Madagascar sequel for her.

purefog (#999)

Agree with all the Bigelow love above (although I thought her remarks were kind of pallid). Not only is she smoking hot but she is — wait for it — 59 years old. I had guessed 45.

Post a Comment