Good FUCKING Lord. I just spent the better part of two hours removing some dickserrating virus from my poor computer. You can IMAGINE how pleased I am right now. It was some sort of pox on humanity called Antivirus which installs itself through Adobe or something and requires an intensive series of maneuvers to remove, none of which I'm remotely qualified to perform. And let's not even mention the shame of infection. (Yes, here is where you Mac people can laugh at me. I am happy for you that your shiny, expensive machines are so rare that evil people will not even bother creating viruses for them.) Anyway, I need your help.
This computer (I call him 'Putey) is OLD. Like, seriously ancient. I've had it since before I was at Gawker, which was a million years ago. It's filthy, it runs extremely slowly, if you have more than two applications going at a time it wheezes and grunts like an old man trying to get up from a park bench, etc. But I love it, and cannot yet bear to part with it, particularly since I lack the funds to procure a replacement. I repeatedly and naively assure myself that soon there will be money and I will purchase a new, lightning-fast machine which tells me how great I am and automatically searches for bear videos without prompting. Until that day comes, however, it's me and 'Putey, tapping out words like we have done since time immemorial. So I have a question: What anti-virus protection do you use?
Bear in mind that I am not prone to viruses. This is actually the first one I've ever really been affected by, and for a man who watches as many Estonian fellatio videos as I do (I'm sorry if you are offended on behalf of your own ethnicity, but trust me, no one does it better than the talented Tallinnese) that's pretty remarkable. More importantly, bear in mind that I am POOR, and if I'm going to get a new computer soon anyway (please God please God please) I'd prefer to use something that is priced competitively, i.e. free. I just downloaded Spybot, which seems to have cured me of the testicle-crushing affliction that caused this morning's problems, but if you know of something better, I'm all ears. Or, to put it in regular blogese, What do you think about free virus protection software? Tell us in the comments!
This is why The Awl kept timing out yesterday, isn't it.
Avast is free and is supposed to be pretty good. Also, don't fall in love with hardware. Love the data.
That is what my father uses, and says it's good! I was going to comment "the piratey one", but didn't think that would be useful.
AVG?
http://free.avg.com
Great product.
Yes.
Another fan of AVG.
Seconded 100%
Combined with spybot and Windows firewall, it is unbeatable.
The way your computer was dressed, it was asking for it.
Condoms.
MAC.
This will take about 2 hours. But it works and its free. Instructions here.
http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/virus-removal/remove-antivirus-vista-2010
I had a cousin of this virus, Internet Security 2010 or some such, twice recently on my relic Dell. the bleepingcomputer.com guide for that was similar and proved easy, if time consuming, to execute and effective.
Also, a vote for avira's free anti virus program
I actually had this same virus last week, and I concur: it was horrible. I used this free software to get rid of it (because clearly the antivirus software my org PAID for didn't do jack): http://www.malwarebytes.org/mbam.php
Malwarebytes.org is like 'puter penicillin.
Agreed on Malwarebytes. I eventually started running that on my shitty old work PC, along with Spybot & Adaware, and those 3 seemed able to handle whatever crap came along.
One of the side effects of the "Internet Security" virus is that it prevents malwarebytes from opening. I got this puppy recently, and what works is to run a quick scan on Spybot S & D -- which cleans out the malwarebytes-blocking files -- then run malwarebytes. Takes a while, but works.
NOD32 is excellent but not free (sorry). I've seen good and bad about AVG (free!). The (free) Microsoft product is supposedly pretty good (assuming you have XP, and not, like, Me).
Spybot is good, but for older machines, it can drag things down. I installed it on the machine my parents use (my Dad will click on anything), and it was already wheezing when I gave it to them. Thankfully he doesn't do more than email.
Also, get all your porn with Opera for god's sake.
The free Microsoft one
Yes. Microsoft Security Essentials. It's geek approved.
Avast!
Yes, you must type it with the exclamation point for full affect. It works and it works very well. But it takes forever to run because it scans EVERYTHING. Which is okay, because that's the point, right?
Good luck.
If I understand this correctly, you clicked on something that gave you a virus designed by a malevolent stranger, so you are now soliciting anti-virus software suggestions and links from a bunch of strangers?
+some amount my uncle in Nigeria will forward you in return for a deposit of $$$AMERICAN DOLLARS
I consider you all "family."
So we're "dysfunctional," but not "malevolent."
I think someone's warming to me!!!
Yeah, "family" in the sense of "the people you blame when all your alcohol is gone."
@Setec: some of us are both.
McAfee at work (it came with the computer). I am draconian about what gets downloaded on my computer though, and employ several precautionary add-ons in Firefox. (NoScript for starters.) I've managed to stay virus-free for a couple years while coworkers' boxes fell ill. I have a Mac at home but still use caution.
Uh. I had something very similar on my work PC, except it was glaring WINDOWS DEFENDER at me. Eventually I went to IT with my tail between my legs; silver lining was that they upped me from wretched vista to 7 (although my windows don't snap together like the commercial =( ).
I am so fabulously wealthy that if my computer gets a virus, I just leave it outside for a vagrant to find and get a new one. Or, well, my manservant does all that for me, but I like to own my verbs.
The Avast-Spybot-Malewarebytes cocktail has kept me free and clear since I got one of those stupid fake-anitvirus-virus shit suckers last fall.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY LINUX SYSTEM WHICH IS BEING AWESOME AS USUAL
~$ sudo apt-get install really embarrassing dance full of pelvis thrusts based on misbegotten swagger
Also: this.
Linix systems don't get viruses because the wireless card support is so spotty, most of the installs never make it online.
*returns to taking nude photos of myself via photobooth*
Ubuntu!
Add one more to the chorus of AVAST.
I use AVG and once in a while I run a scan with malwarebites (free!).
MORE IMPORTANTLY: While browsing, in firefox, I run noscript and flashblock (and just flashblock in chrome). These are free add-ons/extensions that preemptively block websites from running the fancy things that viruses like to piggyback in on.
The downside is that I have to individually OK interesting things that I want to see and this is tedious and annoying. On the other hand, I haven't had a virus in, like, a decade.
Once the $10 entrance fee is collected from everyone in the awl bracketeria, you'll have $2,840 (probably more!) for a totally awesome new machine.
(I assume that folks read the terms before they signed up)
There is an excellent online scanner at http://www.eset.com. (You want to make sure you haven't got a rootkit!!)
p.s. it's free!
Ok. Ok.
www.filehippo.com
SRSLY.
Everything. Anitspyware, antivirus, firewalls,tweaks, defraggers, office suites, etc..
Did I mention it's all free?
Mac users?
Oh and for the Linux guy? Drivers.
Assuming you are not running IE6 any more, Adobe Reader is probably the biggest security hole on your machine. Remove it and replace it with the (smaller, faster) FoxIt Reader, if you date.
"dare".
I second this. It's insane how bloated Adobe Reader is when you realize how small they were able to make FoxIt.
I will look into this.
As a person who runs an internet store/site/porndistributioncenter, shouldn't a new computer be the one thing on which you should spend a little money? Just don't pay your writers for a month, and get a great laptop for like $500.
As for antivirus, AVG works very well, and you can find the paid version (usable on multiple PCs) for real cheap on Newegg, which is a full virus/spyware/etc. protection suite, but that doesn't slow you machine to a crawl like Norton or McAfee.
What I bought (2 year license, 3 PCs):
http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16832620023
Okay, Awl writers, no payments for a month!
You'll be hearing from the union.
OS X doesn't get viruses because of the way *NIX systems install programs. Windows runs exclusively in admin mode, and thus does not need to seek permission for installation. Authentication is required for installs on OS X/*NIX.
It is not, as you suggest, "security via obscurity". It's "security via a superior product". Then again, who am I to question the tech savvy of someone who not only got a virus, but is incapable of removing it?
Nick Burns?
My PC is 8 years old and I use McAfee and ccleaner. I dated an Estonian a while back and he was hung like Goliath. If the rest of the population is similarly endowed I imagine the oral skills of the ladies/lads must get quite the workout.
Is this a good time to mention that The Awl (or its related ads, I assume) brings up web security policy violation messages on my (somewhat antiquated, XP-running) work computer?
Also: yes to Avast!
So the consensus seems to be Avast or Avg?
I had AVG installed by the braintrust at my former job's IT department and, frankly, I didn't think it was all that great. (Sorry, AVG lovers!) The one time I got a really stubborn virus (i.e., undetected in AVG and Spybot scans) Malwarebytes was the only thing that was able to get rid of it. (AND I did it by myself, so eat it, IT braintrust!)
I opt for Kaspersky, and while it's not really free, you can download a free 30 day trial here: http://usa.kaspersky.com/trials/home-users/internet-security
Then, a month later, switch to something else (I went to AVG, as some of the above commentators did, and now use a free beta-version of Webroot antivirus software.)
But I thought Kaspersky was the best of the three.
So what's your paypal account for sending money to? Let's show the NY Times it really can work!
And you can track back to the company responsible, near as I can tell they are a marketing firm. why they haven't been publically shamed yet (hint, hint) is beyond me.
no no no no, wait ....!
this just happened to me.
you don't need to download anything.
i just had to register here
hang on, balk ... typing you directions ... in email to choire, now here.
I seriously have been reading the awl forever ... never registered. but this virus thing was so annoying. when i had it for two hours a month ago.
1. Turn computer off and restart.
2. As you're restarting, get the Task Manager going, like, RIGHT AWAY before anything gets going. This, as I'm sure you know, is the CTRL-ALT-DEL thing and you totally can get it open if you do it quickly enough before anything else has time to ... get going.
3. Then, clearly, you have to watch for the evil Antivirus Soft program there and shut it down. It will be called something like "hdjkpp" or some other stupid combination or nonsense letters, I think. BUT JUST REMEMBER THAT IT USES A GOOD BIT OF MEMORY, like over 10,000K or something.
4. Once you have ended the process, you can breathe a huge sigh of relief. Now he just has to do a manual removal of the virus program. Try here:
http://www.2-viruses.com/remove-antivirus-soft or maybe you can find better directions somewhere else ... it's kind of tricky, but ... not, really.
Best of luck.
Trend Micro, which used to have a huge problem with The Awl, but now seems okay.
See if your service provider provides free anti-virus software. I have service through my cable provider, and I can download McAfee free to three computers. Or, see if your friend's internet provider...
I called HP and a really nice guy in BC did it by remote for free. Took us 4 frickin' hours..
AVG Free for viruses; Ad Aware (free) for spyware/malware.
"Putey"? Call it Puta, they like that. Incidentally, my laptop doesn't have a name, but I know she's a girl.
Smug Mac user points laughs.
Dude get Microsoft Security Essentials. It's free, it's by MSFT (which is now rully serious about security), and it doesn't slow down your comp. Catches spyware, malware, virii, and Trojans. Here it is: http://www.microsoft.com/security_essentials/
I agree. I switched over my computers from avast! to MSE last year and haven't looked back.
And another thing... you worked for the gawker network and didn't think to check out lifehacker.com first?