So I've been trying to figure out this Glaceau Vitaminwater billboard that's up by the newspaper stand on the corner of Delancey and Clinton Streets. REAL VITAMINS NOT AVAILABLE ON CANAL STREET, it says. CHINATOWN GETS THEIR VITAMINS. That's all it says. Totally confusing. (Even if you ignore the grammatical error, which, let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it's intentional.) Even then, what does it mean? Is it like, "You should drink Vitaminwater because it has real vitamins, and you can't get real vitamins on Canal Street because the people in Chinatown always get there early and snatch them all up?" Or is it, "The people in Chinatown get their vitamins from Vitaminwater, as opposed to on Canal Street, where there are no real vitamins available, so so should you?" Or is it, "People in Chinatown understand vitamins, and so... something?" I don't understand.
Answers, or clues, or even any pictures of the advertisement don't seem to be available on the internet. (That's a photo of a different Vitaminwater billboard, in a different city.) I emailed a query to Glaceau headquarters last night (after filling out all eight required fields to submit, Jesus!) and have not yet received a response, so company brass are obviously stonewalling. What are they hiding? Who are they trying to protect? And where's Yayo on this? Oh, right. He's in Aspen.
Update: Glaceau contacted us with a statement: "We are just trying to say that Chinatown gets it's vitamins by drinking Vitaminwater®."
Vitaminwatergate.
The real vitamins are on Mott Street. Duh.
The worst joke about fake Chinatown handbags ever? Perhaps!
That's actually my read on it also.
This is so.
I believed so until I considered CHINATOWN GETS THEIR VITAMINS, which turns it from piracy joke to implications of CIA plot.
You weren't able to take a picture of the billboard with your iPhone and tweet it out to your Facebook immediately?
What kind of piss-poor excuse for a blogger are you?
They're doing a series of "clever" targeted ads themed around New York neighborhoods. E.g., the Chelsea one says, "8 Key Vitamins: A Proposition We Can All Get Behind." (As opposed to, presumably, the homosexual-marriage-denying kind.) Though why you would want to intentionally compare your product to a knockoff Chinatown handbag, I don't know.
(And Times Square is "Packed With Vitamins, Not Tourists," groan.)
I would be wary. These "vitamins" they tout don't seem to be doing anything for their ad guys' intelligence or humor.
It's an ad for vitamins made from tiger dicks???
Have you ever tried to read the "clever" copy on a Vitamin Water label? Pointless (or at least inscrutable) and error-prone is their hallmark. I am far more annoyed by it than I ought to be.
Sort of like a more hip Dr. Bronner's label?
BUT AREN'T VITAMINS SUPPOSED TO MAKE PEOPLE SMART??
Improper zoning?
Do we think the second typo was also intentional?
It would make more sense if it said REAL VITAMINS NOW AVAILABLE ON CANAL STREET.
Ugh, do not even get me started on the Vitaminwater Ad Epidemic in Vancouver. For some reason, their "Do not try (insert verb) (insert Olympic athlete); try Vitaminwater!" and "Sponsor & BFF of the Olympics" slogans drive me INSANE. Every time I catch the bus, I'm now like "Don't tell me what and what not to do!!" to the bus stop ad. :-(. sad...