New Things: Mothers With Hair
Since the beginning of time, all mothers have been bald or at least quite nearly hairless. In these heady modern times, notes a new child-haver, mothers may have hair. Writes mother Alex Kuczynski: "The mother with the long, unrestrained locks is something odd, and relatively new." [N.B. The word "nanny" does not appear in this cultural meditation.]
It's funny because contrary to her assertion mothers have historically had hair.
How about mothers with long dangly earrings?
Dr. Z's key demo.
THAT is actually a mistake.
Because your kid will reach up while breastfeeding and pull it out of your ear causing you to scream in pain and drop the child (luckily, right onto to the bed), which will freak the hell out of the kid and cause great pain not only to your ear, but your boob.
This will happen, trust me.
And them you will have to wear clip earings and they are just lame.
This happened to my mom! Clip earrings (or very small studs) for life! Seriously, her ears got so yanked that without said clip earrings, she looks like a body art enthusiast who opted for "earlobe modification".
Exactly why I only wore studs when my kid was littler.
Well, that and I'd already managed to rip one of my earlobes in a post-swimming hair incident at age 11, so long dangly earrings aren't the best look for me these days anyway.
This topic is covered in "From Mousewife to Momshell: The Rules and Celebrity Secrets for Being a Thinner, Younger, and Sexier Mom," which, sadly, is a new book title I did not make up.
There are time machine instructions in this Book?!
Mr. Peabody and Sherman are built right in!
The sequel is all about moms trying to "get back to the island."
Y'know, if I ever become a dad, it's not having to wake up constantly, or changing diapers, or buying a bunch of expensive baby crap for the nursery that's going to drive me into a psychotic episode. It's going to be this kind of horseshit.
JUST SHUT UP AND DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT YOU WANT THE FUCKING HAIRCUT ALREADY
Soooo… you single?
Hah! Won't I make such a great family man?
I think I would like to find out!
You can't see the Mother's hair because it's under her habit.
Only if she is a superior mother.
Here's why I hate this article so much.
It's based on such a lie.
I know the kind of circle she travels in. Those moms all have long hair.
Their long hair says "I'm rich. I can pay for honey-blond highlights every three weeks at 350 dollars a pop. I have the time to sit for hours to get those highlights. Also, I'm thin. I do yoga because I have a nanny and a night nurse. And I have great, thick, long, beautiful hair."
Her picture on the article underscores the above and she knows it.
(also, I am not just saying this because I'm bitter about my thin, lackluster hair that I can't grow past my shoulders if my life depended on it. Not. At. All.)
hockeymom, I think your hair is pretty just the way it is.
Also, and I hope I don't overstep here, based on your profile picture you have a cute nose.
What's wrong with being a nose man?
Hate to break it to you heckle, but… but that's a hamster. You are actually a hamster man.
I would've went with "nulligravida" for maximum magniloquence.
Cut your hair and you end up like Rosemary Woodhouse, ladiez.
What a fucking toff. Get a haircut you sloth.
I hope her husband tells her she looks just like her mom after the cut too. My husband did. Protip guys: that doesn't help matters. Regardless, I want to see this woman writhe a little more in her angst.
Ninny.
“Thank God our dog died” says more than I ever could.
Wait, why is Alex Kuczynski still writing? Didn't she win already?
I didn't have to actually procreate to realize that hey, I can get my hair cut short and stop putzing with my hair all freakin' day. Why any woman wants to spend all that time and money on her hair is beyond me. I held on to the hairdryer though, 'cause there's the whole plastic-on-the-windows-in-winter thing to deal with.
BOYS LIKE MY LONG HAIR
…and this is why I haven't let scissors touch my hair in two years…
MJ, I find I spend more time on my hair when its short than long.
Then you're doing it wrong ;) Cut right, it's a dab of gel swished around and you're ready to head out the door, no muss no fuss.
I am confused. "The hormonal ravages of the post-partum period didn’t do me any favors, either": didn't AK go surrogate?
For her first kid, yeah. Her second one was a real baby.
I always assumed mothers with really short hair were about to go off. That they were sending out signs.
But what will she wrap around her man's member when she wants to spice things up in the bedroom? A scrunchy?
Maybe this? (Link SFW.)
Or this: http://tinyurl.com/ybmkreq
[NSFW]