"These Olympics have just been a complete disaster," said a coworker the other day with the sort of learned gravitas that can only be acquired via a force-fed nightly diet of Chris Collinsworth's zip-up-necked sweaters (stitched, per the suddenly saucy Wall Street Journal, "entirely out of Phil Simms's hair.")
Typically I am adept at tuning out the various pontification that goes on around me during the day-Lord knows I can find more than my fill of ill-informed "takes" on "issues" right here online, with the added bonus that on the Internet, nobody knows you're rolling your eyes-but in this case, for whatever reason, I couldn't help but react.
"I totally disagree," I sputtered. "These Olympics have been great."
There was silence; a minor faceoff. At this point we were both standing because we sit directly across from one another and can't see over our computer screens otherwise.
"They had that massive mechanical failure at the Opening Ceremonies?" he reminded me and everyone else sneaking glances in our direction. "They don't have any snow. And uh, a guy died."
That. Yes. Whoops. I'd been talking more so about, like, the ratings.
Which have surprised me, particularly given the howls of anger reverberating throughout the land regarding NBC's mine mine mine all mine gimme mine Olympic coverage. (Would you ever have guessed that Deadspin has readers who write in, passionately, proclaiming that "I too am extremely upset with the coverage by NBC. When they completely didn't show any speed skating last night in prime time I was furious at them"?)
These cries have been matched in their wounded stridency only by those of people who expect such local niche websites as the New York Times to tailor their own coverage in such a way that ensures that no results will be reported until everyone in every time zone everywhere has had a chance to get home from work, pour a glass of wine, and pause 20 minutes so they can fast forward their DVR through the commercials.
"This is not Taliban news, nor TARP news, or even Paula Jones type news," scolded Matt Gooch of Harrisonburg, Va. Ken Waters of Phoenix, meanwhile, was faced with his own personal Sophie's choice. "Per usual, I have to basically go on a two week sans NY Times 'vacation', and go temporarily dumb, doing so," he explained. "That's a lose/lose." Is it now?
Still, I get it. Some of the sportswriters that I follow on Twitter have, in their quest to be FIRST!, taken to writing things like "SPOILER ALERT: Lindsey Vonn has won the gold." Which... by the time my eyes have seen and processed the first two words, they've probably also gone ahead and seen and processed the entire rest of the sentence, you know?
The good news is that now I can BE one of those Twitterers, because recently I was tipped off to a live feed existing in a cobwebbed corner of the Internet. It was a shadowy transaction during which I was sworn to utter secrecy, and I'm pretty sure that I'm now either on some RCMP watchlist or have joined the Illuminati, or probably both. One sports blogger to whom I recounted my strange experience responded thusly: "Whenever I enter the feed-pirate demimonde, I feel like I'm walking into Rick's Café, only with less Ingrid Bergman."
But now I can watch the biathalon live from the comfort of my office chair and at great risk to my ongoing employment! In contrast to Ken Waters' point above, that is a win-fucking-win. Meanwhile, I just tried to check out Shaun White's gold medal winning halfpipe run from the other night on the official sanctioned NBC website and spent like three minutes wrestling with stern pop-up messages and plugins that I don't have the IT permissions to install on my drive.
I gave up. It'll probably be on YouTube in a few months.
* * *
Perhaps I ought to apologize for my own shameful lack of live coverage of these Games, but some dude has already cornered the market on saying sorry for today. But please, leave my kids alone, and also accept this peace offering in the form of random bulleted thoughts about what we've seen and how we should feel about it as we round the halfway point of Vancouver 2010.
• I may be alone on the planet in thinking this, but I find the snowboarders' jean-look pants to be a brilliant and meta contribution to the gaper genre. (For some historical background, I refer you to this Bible: "If you ski in jeans, you're a gaper. If you wear a jester hat, or big, tinted aviator glasses on the hill, you're a gaper.")
• Speaking of pants, Norway decided to go the John Daly route and Rob Walker imagined a terrifying future with a much brighter Brooklyn.
• Some follow-up thoughts to things we've discussed previously: 1) Fortra-West was all set to unload Whistler and some other properties like evil Stratton at a public auction to be held today in New York (I wanted to attend! Vail Resorts is said to be interested!) but they got an eleventh hour reprieve and now have a week to come up with $150 million. 2) Ski cross is finally coming atcha on Sunday and you'd be moronic not to watch. 3) Shani Davis won the gold and looked and sounded genuinely happy this time, yay for him! And 4) Sports Illustrated staffers must have been reading all the Lindsey Vonn butt talk with evil glee, knowing that in just a few days they'd have her all up in a bikini.
• God, I loved Plushenko's sweet jacket and I even felt a lil' bad for him when he was sulking on the medal stand, but what a dick: "If the Olympic champion doesn't know how to jump quad, it's not men's figure skating, it's dancing."
• Fuck Yeah Johnny Weir Dot Tumblr Dot Com.
• We need to figure out how to advance the field of cryogenics quickly enough so that it's like, actually working by the time Martin Brodeur ultimately expires. We can't let him go. The man saved Canada in an overtime shootout yesterday, which is so whatever until you remember that the man is THIRTY SEVEN YEARS OLD and plays a position that involves him hunching over and doing splits all day. I'm completely in awe and I am a Rangers fan.
• Finally, check out this photo finish in cross country skiing. This is how I look when I enter the apartments of friends who live in walkups.
Katie Baker writes mostly about sports and weddings and so the Winter Olympics just kind of seemed like the next logical step.
Hee hee.
Gretzky has a weird face-lifty look these days.
And he sure looked like he was struggling with all of the running they had him doing at the Opening C's. He was running like TJ Hooker.
Ha ha, the photo of Gretzky up there PERFECTLY captures his weird face-liftyness. It also captures what to me looks like his extreme wariness. Like, he's been living in LA and Phoenix for years and he's terrified that Canadians will be so excited abou this triumphant return that they'll literally tear him to bit in order take home a finger or two as a souveneir. And based on the crazed mob that was chasing him when was riding with the torch in the back of the pick-up truck, he might have reason to be freaked out.
OMG I had no idea that was him.
You're totally right about the Olympics being not necessarily being such a disaster. It's the way it always is in Vancouver: the rain finally stops and the sun comes out, and all is forgiven.
I'm going to put that last photo on my front door with a note that says "YOU MADE IT! STEP ONTO THE WINNER'S PODIUM!"
That is how I look when I enter my walkup apartment.
That last photo is why I'm so psyched to live in a ranch house, as boring-looking and suburb-y as it is. Front door access is so much less painful, even after a number of drinks.
I'm with you, Katie -- I think (aside from the obvious disasters, and the luge intrigue IS rather unfortunate if not surprising, as per the Times article yesterday, with the quid pro quo b/w Russian and Canada, etc) it's been fun to watch, and it's so much better when you can just ff through the events (and commercials) you don't really like!
I like it too and I don't mind that it's not live/is spoiled by the internet. It's still fun to watch it happen and that fucking Wednesday night Shaun White/Linsey Vonn/Speedskating USA! USA! night that the times article talks about was one of the best sports moments in awhile.
Plus...BIATHLON!
Skiing, shooting and LIVE VOMITING!
I would totally watch a biathlon channel. It's my favorite.
I like the katiebakes and the choitotheworld as much as I like the actual competition!
Yes! This too.
I actually totally agree with Plushenko. And that whole story the announcers told during the little intro before Evan's performance, about how his parents basically FORCED him into figure skating? That did not do anything for his cause. Obviously.
So the best baseball player is whoever can hit the most home runs?
Well no, because that's a team sport. There is something to be said for the Russian's argument about testing the limits being somehow more... championesque. But at the same time, it's the same thing that can be said for Avatar and George Lucas. so... you know...
Canadian Olympian Elvis Stojko agrees too!:
http://ca.sports.yahoo.com/olympics/vancouver/figure_skating/news?slug=es-thoughts021810&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
I would agree if Plushenko's freeskate had been flawless. It wasn't. And I spent over 10 years on the competitive figure skating gauntlet. I was even a US rep at international competitions (I had Team USA gear and everything! Commenter hidden talents!), so it's not coming from nowhere. Plushenko absolutely deserved to win the short, but the long program belonged to Evan Lysacek.
Also there is the whole thing about the new scoring system rewarding safety, which this SI article ( http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/olympics/2010/writers/selena_roberts/02/16/skating.issues/index.html?eref=sihp )covers much better than I would. Plus, Stojko comes from the same style vein as Plushenko (Dick Button calls them the "Clydesdales" - they can do big jumps, but they land them like elephants and are not smooth, graceful skaters), so I'm not surprised to see him take his side. He had similar feelings about his own silver medal.
Plushenko needs to shut his piehole, because HeyThatsMyBike is right. He got credit for his quad, but judges took off for his wobbly landings, as they should have.
I think the mechanical failure and lack of snow (and, yikes, probably even the unfortunate death, if we're being honest here)have probably been good for ratings and made the games more interesting! It's been a week of "How the hell are they going to pull this off????" It's like watching the non-serial-killer half of "The Devil in the White City" come to life. So many issues, yet it's still miraculously coming together!
OMG, yesyesyes re: Devil in the White City. So true! It just wouldn't be an Olympics without the spectre of logistical catastrophe in the air.
A friend of mine was on the Greek soccer team in 2004 and like a month before the Games she sent us an email with a photo of the "soccer stadium." It was a sad gravel pit.
I have no idea how they got their shit together, but I do know that at some point some city literally will not complete a major Olympic venue in time and we'll all be here watching, judging. I truly look forward to that day.
@Hey: Indeed. I think people imagine a little Beyond Thunderdome thing going on and want to tune to see carnage (or at least chainsaws on bungee cords)
@both of you. No secret that we're sadistic bastards by nature, and Katie's right, eventually somebody is going to eff up. And we can't wait to see it happen. And yes Abe, luge ratings were WAY WAY up this year. Very two men enter, one man leaves.
Keep an eye on Sochi, 2014! The Russians' ability to f*ck things up cannot be underestimated.
I like how you suggest that you "might" have joined the Illuminati to throw us off the track, dude.
That Russian guy is just bitter because Evan Lysacek is so much better looking than he is. Shut up, Rocky Dennisov, you didn't stick your quad in the long program, so go eat a bag of dicks.
THIS. (and sorry I am all over this thread)
Oh, AND, along with Rocky Dennisov, Bill Simmons dead-on take: "Why is Adrien Brody wearing Jeff Daniels' wig from Dumb & Dumber and pretending to be a Russian figure skater right now?"
Plushenko wishes he were as attractive as Adrien Brody.
Also, skating genius or whatever though he may be, Lysacek annoys the crap out of me. (It might be how painfully slobbery Scott Hamilton is over him all the time.)
The coverage has been terrible but you know what I've hated the most? The US snowboarder's uniforms. I know snowboarding is supposed to be hip and cool and edgy and all that bollocks but they could show a bit more class and not look like they're going to a Nirvana concert after the competition.
Then there was that twerp with the stupid hair playing air guitar on the medal podium...
You do not understand our American ways!
Oh, Lee, you and I are SO on the same page on this.
I hate those stupid fake denim pants. Here I go making myself an official Old: Pull your damn pants up punks!
At the other extreme, a Japanese snowboarder almost got kicked off the team for leaving his shirt untucked.
http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/so20100214a1.html
Love the Vail Daily!
I am twenty minutes into NBC's afternoon coverage right now (west coast), and they have to yet to show any actual sports. This is the problem.
And now they are showing Tiger Woods! What Winter Olympic Event is he competing in?
45 minutes. Still nothing.
What, no mention of the only Jamaican-bobsled-esque feel-good news of the entire games?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8513201.stm
Thanks for pointing this out Abe. In a way I can't quite articulate, this says a lot about why I love living here in Vancouver.
This probably doesn't thrill you then
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/18/AR2010021804938.html
I agree with that article, actually. Canada - the lower mainland of BC especially - is in many ways a country of immigrants, and that was an awfuly white crowd.
As a sort of origin narrative, the ceremony wasn't bad, and I would bet that it's the only opening ceremony we're going to see for a while that features two openly gay performers, but I do think they could have tried just a little bit harder to represent the ethnic diversity of the host city and province.
(As an aside, I have incredibly mixed feelings about these games at the moment, as we're going to be paying for them dearly. Earlier this year it was announced that the provincial arts budget is going to be slashed by a staggering 88% over the next two years, and just a week ago it was leaked to the newspaper that the government ministry I work for, which provides services to families and children - many of whom are disabled - is pulling 10 million dollars out of direct services in the coming fiscal year.
I have the feeling we're going to be hung over from this party for a long, long time.)
It appears others on onto this as well
http://illvox.org/2010/02/host-first-nations-bite-the-olympic-hand/
That is awesome.
Brad Cran, Vancouver's poet laureate, jumped ship as well, due to a gag rule included in VANOC's contract: "The artist shall at all times refrain from making any negative or derogatory remarks respecting VANOC, the 2010 Olympic and Paralympic Games, the Olympic movement generally, Bell and/or other sponsors associated with VANOC."
That's how we wound up with a slightly spiffier version of those Molson "I. AM. CANADIAN." ads.
He wrote this instead:
http://bradcran.com/vancouver_verse/2010-handbook-for-entering-canada/
This thing is like this thing
http://www.streamsofjustice.org/2010/02/independent-media-reporter-rejected-at.html
Hey, if it's good enough for Amy Goodman...
http://thetyee.ca/Blogs/TheHook/Olympics2010/2009/12/02/Olympics-interrogation-viral/
Oh, I'm sorry, did I get my China Olympic censorship media gang bang in your buried Canada Olympic censorship non-story
http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/story?id=5520718&page=1
Ohhhh, good. So we're not quite as repressive and censorship-happy as China.
So glad to hear that.
Well, from what I understand from my friends, Vancouver IS China, so...
THAT'S RACIST.
(Racial? True? Rachel True? Asia minor?)
Toronto's next
http://www.chineseinvancouver.ca/2009/06/toronto-races-to-build-upscale-chinese-malls/
That guy in the first picture looks so much like Roy Scheider AND IT IS FREAKING ME OUT.
That's Wayne Gretzky dude!
*blinks*
hockeyplayerswholooklikeoldlesbians
Slap a ruffle on that collar and I swear I'm looking at Liberace.
Jebus. FINALLY. One hour of filler before actual sports. Glad they showed the exciting footage of ski waxers first, though. It provided much needed context.
I just saw an interview with Apollo Ohno and his father Yuki, who immigrated to the US when he was 27. It shows the true value of the Olympics (for America anyway) and offers a glimmer of hope for humanity. Apollo Ohno is only two generations removed from a Japanese populace that Americans fought in probably the most vicious battles of the nation's war experience. Both sides vilified the other to the point of denying their very humanity, characterizing each other as less than human. We illegally quarantined American citizens just becaue they had Japanese heritage (like Apollo). And now, 65 years later, people who may have actually fought in that war, and many others who remember it, are cheering a kid with Japanese heritage for a gold medal representing America... he's a star with his still-Japanese-accented dad being highlighted in an NBC tender-moments piece. If you would have told somebody in 1946 that this would happen in 60 years, they would have called you mad.
This is a welcome corrective to our conversation above.
And THIS is why I have a hard time not crying, let along changing the channel, at all the human interest filler stories they do. Sometimes there really are remarkable stories buried in all the schmaltz.
ALL THE REPUBLICANS IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA ARE GOING FOR TEAM RUSSIA IN THE HOCKEY.
Women's snowboarding was really hard to watch. I just caught up. And like, at least in ice skating or whatever, if you slip and fall you can go on with your 'program' and you'll be docked points. It's the one shot events that really break your heart. If you make on teeny mistake on a downhill slope or on the half pipe, you completely eat shit in a flurry of snow. Like split second then BOOM. Watching Lindsay V tumble all the way down the snow was some NEXT LEVEL dream shattering.
I've really enjoyed watching them this year cause the human drama is so evident. Don't even get me started on THE FALLEN ANGEL
That is the soul wrenching worst, isn't it?
I had to stop watching the women's skiing the other night because my god, the falls.
The true heartbreaker was the (French?)female skier who just fell over 5 feet out of the gate. Embarrassing!
I think slower-developing curling disasters may be even more dream shattering. You can see it coming from the other end of the ice, but there's nothing you can do to change it NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU SCRUB.
That made me laugh.
I mean the French girl who crashed five feet out the gate.
Jared's comment made me laugh.
Speaking of that picture of Wayne Gretsky, am I the only person on the planet who thought that those torches they were carrying in the opening ceremony looked like giant spliffs?!
Also, I think the ratings are good because all the athletes are so damn good-looking! Remember the days when women lugers looked like they would beat you up in a dark alley?
On a related note, I heard a news bit the other day about how the Russian govt is pissed at its athletes for their woeful lack of medals. Made me think how much that country has been affected by a) democracy, b) independence of some of its border countries, and c) the ban on, and increased testing for, performance-enhancing drugs.
I'll take one of each. Put it on the Underhill's tab.
Well, this makes no sense now.
I can vouch for it having made sense!