The Awl

jolie on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

jolie — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:42:08 +0000

@SemberBufo: That was a really nice thing to say, thank you. ex oh ex oh

Bittersweet on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Bittersweet — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:33:14 +0000

The problem with adding Tabasco and all of hockeymom's yummy stuff is that now I'm tempted to actually eat the dip. I must not be drinking enough wine.

dailyny on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

dailyny — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:15:38 +0000

Hey, um. You forgot the lemon. You'll also need olives for the threateningly strong martinis afterward.

SemperBufo on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

SemperBufo — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:54:25 +0000

Jolie--I have it, and it's fine, but I wouldn't say you were ripping it off, because you took it in a different direction. Also, you are a good deal funnier.

tralafel on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

tralafel — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:58:50 +0000

I am in hearts with this!

TerseNursePornstein on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

TerseNursePornstein — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 10:20:27 +0000

@Goons. Sigh.

TerseNursePornstein on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

TerseNursePornstein — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 10:19:51 +0000

Mine too. Er, if I had dinner parties, that is. (Drinks, man, drinks!) Personally, I think the only thing WASPS liked mashed up is their food, so I try to err on the side of caution--you want to make your guests feel comfortable, right?-- by matching the cracker to the cracker. This also works with old/new Pucci, btw. Try it!

cdmunch on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

cdmunch — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 13:51:04 +0000

"WASPs don't eat! They drink." This is so very true.

jolie on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

jolie — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 10:53:13 +0000

Alexandra Wentworth! Yes! I totally forgot about The WASP Cookbook (which I NEED and don't know how I NEVER HAD???)!! I take it from the tone of your comment you weren't a fan, so okay! But the way I see it, every decade or so a new tongue-in-cheek WASP mocker comes along and I'm thrilled to be in the company of Ms. Wentworth and Ms. Birnbach and Mr. Walker. (Or at least that's what I'm going to tell myself so I don't CRY because NOMOMENTAL WAS MEAN TO ME WAAAAHHH!!!)

nomometal on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

nomometal — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 08:42:49 +0000

Jolie Kerr rips off Alexandra Wentworth below 14th St.

Stephanie Dawes on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Stephanie Dawes — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 23:48:06 +0000

Wait since when are you allowed to cook with mayo? I've been told that's a good way to acquire food poisoning?

garge on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

garge — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 22:12:22 +0000

In my home state, "mayo" means Miracle Whip. The first time I unknowingly had real mayo, I nearly threw up.

Baroness on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Baroness — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:43:27 +0000

She actually sputtered something like, "Oh! Well, if it were only so simple, but you must understand, there's charts and seating arrangements, and protocol, and the wind, the telephone, and Henry Kissinger. Must go!"

CaptainFantastic on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

CaptainFantastic — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:20:43 +0000

Yes, Baroness. Yes.

cherrispryte on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

cherrispryte — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:16:43 +0000

"Cottage cheese" is the standard description.

cinetrix on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

cinetrix — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 20:53:02 +0000

Exactly what I thought.

Mindpowered on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Mindpowered — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:28:26 +0000

This has been an Epic day on the internets

Flashman on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Flashman — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:28:13 +0000

What about Carr's Water Biscuits? Ryvita? Surely these crackers, imported from Great Britain and Denmark respectively, are W.A.S.P.ier?

Mindpowered on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Mindpowered — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:23:44 +0000

South Ohiostan

gregorg on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

gregorg — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:57:55 +0000

Nan: "Quite often, grain-based salads can taste so healthy that they're bland, but Catie solved that problem by sauteing the vegetables, tossing in prosciutto, and then adding that great elixir, mayonaisse, to quinoa, something I'd never had before."

Dave Bry on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Dave Bry — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:52:43 +0000

I'm in. And Stoned Wheat thins are welcome anytime. But no Club crackers in our cracker club.

gregorg on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

gregorg — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:50:33 +0000

this happens in the kitchen, out of sight

gregorg on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

gregorg — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:49:03 +0000

haha, send the reporter down the service elevator.

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:48:24 +0000

katie, do you mind if I add ambient wine to my lexicon; as in 'drinking ambient wine at the sad mall.'

kitten_witawip on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

kitten_witawip — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:39:41 +0000

Jolie, I am lost without the guidance of Nan and Pat Buckley.

katiebakes on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

katiebakes — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:38:24 +0000

No ice cubes at like, a dinner. But for ambient wine? Ice. Dear sweet ice.

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:36:49 +0000

Dave, will you join my club consisting of myself and you?

jolie on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

jolie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:36:38 +0000

Hey gang! I've tried to leave this comment about 90 times and the site is telling me it's up but I do not see it and also I am drinking, so. FORGIVETH IF I AM REPEATING MYSELF. FORGIVETH IF I AM REPEATING MYSELF. @DainCurst: My mother puts sherry in everything. <3U! So um, about the ice: Well you wouldn't very well cube your wine at a dinner. Heavens no. But among my set we alllll put ice in our wine for our daytime tippling. But! YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY, as a wise man likes to remind us.

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:35:05 +0000

I always imagine caulifloweresque.

Dave Bry on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Dave Bry — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:33:27 +0000

Ha! Thanks to internets delay, I've just validated and/or debunked Setec Astrology's friends' racial theories. I am half-Jew, half-WASP. (Wheat Thins are okay for snacking on their own, but too sweat to eat with anything on them.)

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:33:16 +0000

"and then replied, 'can I see your papers?'

katiebakes on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

katiebakes — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:33:00 +0000

I enjoyed this comment.

Ronit on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Ronit — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:32:57 +0000

I've seen people put ice in wine. It is kind of an old WASP lady thing, isn't it?

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:31:55 +0000

@Setec Astrology: it's true! Stoned Wheat Thins however are the true liberal-yuppie cracker. As a child of both a WASP and a Jew my dinner parties always have an alarming mashup of cultural memes.

DorothyMantooth on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

DorothyMantooth — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:29:49 +0000

Hahahaha! "Come? To the dinner party? Oh, you're simply a delight."

jolie on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

jolie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:29:27 +0000

@DainCurst: My mother puts sherry in everything. <3U! So um, about the ice: Well you wouldn't very well cube your wine at a dinner. Heavens no. But among my set we alllll put ice in our wine for our daytime tippling. But! YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY, as a wise man likes to remind us. (Sorry if this comment is a dup - I thought I'd left it, now I don't see it, also I am drinking, so.)

Dave Bry on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Dave Bry — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:29:10 +0000

Triscuits do rule.

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:27:47 +0000

If you have to ask, you'll never know.

Setec Astrology on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Setec Astrology — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:25:23 +0000

Amongst my friends, there's a theory that Triscuits are for (*gasp*) Jews, and Wheat Thins are the true WASP cracker.

jolie on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

jolie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:20:55 +0000

@DainCurst: OMG my mother puts sherry in everything <3U! Oh so about the ice... well, you wouldn't very well cube your wine during a dinner. Heavens no. But certainly among my set, for our daytime tipples we allllll take cubes. YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY, as a wise man often reminds us.

Baroness on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Baroness — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:18:24 +0000

Serve artichoke dip with Triscuits.

DainCurst on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

DainCurst — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:15:33 +0000

Mine is really more of a sherry family. It fortifies the blood in the harsh northern climes. And I still need an explanation! Because the only people I've known to do this were elderly Italian ladies.

Baroness on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Baroness — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:13:32 +0000

SPY magazine years ago had, "A Visit With Nan Kempner", fabulous and memorable. The writer seemed to be following her around her gracious abode as the staff prepared for a glamorous dinner party, and she spouted aphorisms like Auntie Mame. "You see, I must have people and parties and the mix of fascinating people..!" There was a picture of Nan looking quizzical, captioned, I know the kitchen's around here somewhere. At the end of the article the writer asks if he can come to the dinner party. "Her eyes bugged widely, she looked at me as if I had said something in Chinese. "

jolie on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

jolie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:09:27 +0000

@lindsay: I knew someone who made the Steel Magnolias version and said it was VILE DRECK that no amount of irony or DollyLove could make up for. And just 'cause: "We'll make t-shirts that say, 'I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!"

deepomega on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

deepomega — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:09:18 +0000

Form balls of chilled mayonnaise, pull apart with fork and spoon. Alt: Iceberg lettuce.

riotnrrd on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

riotnrrd — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:08:47 +0000

Yeah, what the crap. Ice cubes in wine? I've been to more dull new England WASP dinners than you've had hot meals and nobody, but NOBODY, puts ICE in their WINE. Ice is reserved for g&t's and and other tennis cocktails. Also, putting ice in your scotch will get you kicked out of the reading room of the club.

deepomega on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

deepomega — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:08:29 +0000

MAYONNAISE, YEAST INFECTION, IT IS RAD TO HAVE ALCOHOLISM, NEW ENGLAND-CENTRIC

jolie on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

jolie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:06:39 +0000

@hockeymom: Shhhh, don't tell the others but... sometimes I sneak in a dash or five of Tabasco. And yes, one is always to arrive slightly tipsy to a party. Always. That's why God created dressers.

Lindsay Robertson on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Lindsay Robertson — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:05:40 +0000

It can be found here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081121160307AANqyhd

Olivia2.0 on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Olivia2.0 — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:04:47 +0000

It is never too cold for wine!

deepomega on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

deepomega — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:04:37 +0000

(For some reason my initial expectation was... like a loaf of bread? I'm kind of disappointed now!)

deepomega on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

deepomega — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:04:03 +0000

It is a day of learning!

Lindsay Robertson on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Lindsay Robertson — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:02:44 +0000

It is! And another "cup a cup a" recipe is referenced by Olympia Dukakis in Steel Magnolias, and it sounds even more disgusting.

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:57:34 +0000

"I really liked this book and enjoyed very much reading it. The recipes are quiet easy to prepare and taste very good." This is so literal I think it might be Art.

Edith Zimmerman on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Edith Zimmerman — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:55:01 +0000

I believe this recipe is known as "A Cup A Cup A Can"

DainCurst on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

DainCurst — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:53:47 +0000

Ok, ok. I give- I'm a WASP and I don't get this. Do I still count? Is this because my family is from Toronto where it is too cold for wine? Please explain otherwise I will worry myself into potential forehead wrinkling.

Mindpowered on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Mindpowered — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:53:34 +0000

After buying, and 'reading' Nan Kempner's book, i was left extremely disappointed! I want my money back! Yes, it was that bad! Nan: please stick to your superficial luncheons, and plastic people....on Park Avenue! I LOVE FAT PEOPLE NAN! By the way, i read the interview in "W" magazine, and i must say, i think alot LESS about Nan Kempner now! Edith?

#56 on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

#56 — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:53:18 +0000

Is that Lauren Bush?

jolie on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

jolie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:50:56 +0000

*withering glare* Yes.

jolie on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

jolie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:50:14 +0000

NAN IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL.

pissy elliott on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

pissy elliott — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:49:31 +0000

This is basically perfect, but can we have a column devoted to the Uses Of Cream Cheese?

alison on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

alison — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:42:52 +0000

WASP FAIL

Maevemealone on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Maevemealone — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:42:33 +0000

Actually, I'm all stocked up to make this for a pot luck tomorrow night. I will also be using spinach however. And topping it with pepper jack cheese. It's a certified yum

Epicurean Dealmaker on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Epicurean Dealmaker — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:40:02 +0000

Bad illustration. That woman is way too relaxed, carefree, warm, and not blotto to be a true WASP. I speak with authority, from experience. Oh, and @Tuna Surprise? Miracle Whip? BITE YOUR MIDWESTERN TONGUE! Gack!

Moff on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Moff — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:38:10 +0000

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU? I don't think you even want to get it.

wb on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

wb — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:38:08 +0000

Northern Iowa? Wisconsin?

Br. Seamus on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Br. Seamus — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:26:21 +0000

Artichokes are threateningly ethnic - can I just use more mayonnaise?

Ronit on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Ronit — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:18:51 +0000

you get points for garlic.

alison on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

alison — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:18:08 +0000

But wait, do we HAVE TO put in ice cubes?

Matt on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Matt — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:14:27 +0000

*blinking*

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:13:57 +0000

done and done! and I mean done! done! done! done! done!

hockeymom on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

hockeymom — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:13:09 +0000

...or Adderall. Whatever. Spelling!

kneetoe on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

kneetoe — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:11:38 +0000

Only if she makes the mayo from scratch.

bong hitler on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

bong hitler — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:11:07 +0000

Wow, that was like a John Cheever story crossed with the back of a Ritz cracker box. Thanks internet.

hockeymom on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

hockeymom — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:10:53 +0000

Only if you come with your own supply of Adderral.

Tuna Surprise on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Tuna Surprise — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:10:12 +0000

Hi Jolie, I'm a lower middle class white person (mostly German but some Scandinavian and Scotish blood) from a small-middle America state that WASPs have never been too (although they've all hear 'how beautiful' it is) and I have a question. Can I use Miracle Whip instead of mayo? Thanks

Choire Sicha on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Choire Sicha — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:10:00 +0000

OMG FLAVOR EW! Um JK. Yum!

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:09:41 +0000

OHMYGODNANKEMPNER Lover her/want to hate her/can't hate a creature so fabulous!!!

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:08:34 +0000

um, will you be my mom?

wb on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

wb — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:06:24 +0000

Remember the scene in that Woody Allen movie where he converts to Catholicism by buying a loaf white bread and a gigantic jar of mayonnaise? Oh, and a bible too. CLASSIC.

kitten_witawip on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

kitten_witawip — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:03:04 +0000

Jolie, should you ever want to expand your repertoire this is best WASP cook book ever http://tinyurl.com/y9etml9 written by a woman who never ate. RIP Nan. The Amazon reviews are hysterical.

Moff on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Moff — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:02:45 +0000

WOW.

hockeymom on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

hockeymom — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:02:33 +0000

OK...that is a fine start...but....you can kick it up a notch or two, for those who have more taste buds than the average WASP. First, use TWO 14 ounce cans of artichoke hearts. Drain them, chop them. Then...use freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese. One cup of Mayo. (not the light shit) 5 mg of Adderall (steal from son's stash). Down with wine. Do not put in dip. Mince 4 cloves of garlic. 2 tablespoons of sherry Dash of Cayenne. (at this point, I throw in red pepper flakes and tabasco, but that's just me. It's certainly not in the Country Club Recipe Book). Mix all together I always grate more cheese on top after everything is mixed. Put in oven. Cook until bubbly. Throw some paprika on top to give it color. Steal more Adderall from son to keep your appetite in check, drink more wine and ARRIVE as the slightly tipsy girl at the party (only IF spouse or someone else is driving...if not, skip the booze, just down the pills with water).

kneetoe on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

kneetoe — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:01:19 +0000

I assume the trick is to drink the wine before the ice can melt EVEN JUST A LITTLE BIT.

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:59:31 +0000

I beg to differ. Jolie is a black, gay man.

Matt on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

Matt — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:58:20 +0000

Ahem. WHITE WOMAN.

belltolls on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

belltolls — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:56:25 +0000

You had me at yeast infection. And drinking.

HiredGoons on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

HiredGoons — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:55:00 +0000

I finally know what a yeast infection looks like!

SemperBufo on Half Baked: White People's Artichoke Dip

SemperBufo — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:54:35 +0000

Wow. Maybe we're related.