Women Unable To Marry Men In New York (Except One Woman!)
What's up, ladies? Where you at? Two stories in today's Observer suggest it's "somewhere tricky." Did you know a mother of four was at the head of doing the Bank of America TARP repayment stock-offer deal? Imagine that, a lady-one with children even. That is so crazy! I'm not even going to be like Jesus Christ no profile of a man ever started like that because, why bother, guys. (The rest of it is interesting though! She is actually of interest!) And here is a report on a gathering of women, who have had it with the commitment-phobia of New York men and have resorted to dating Europeans (but NOT people from like Africa or Asia or anything gross like that).
The thing is, this story is totally charming and expertly done, and totally true in that way that all trend stories are true, which is to say, true for those whose lives are anecdotes.
The collective sigh that evening was in reference to the stubborn, New York man-child with his perpetual fear of marriage and confused ("I love you, now go away") approach to relationships. It is now an entrenched cultural truth: A desirable woman in her 30s could meet someone, date for a while, enter a relationship, spend Thanksgiving at her boyfriend's parents' house, rent an apartment together, adopt a pet, wash his skivvies for years and still: Long-term commitment is not guaranteed.
And so they dated Danes and Germans alike. God, no wonder circumcision is way down these days-everyone's ("everyone's") baby-daddy is from Europe!
Anyway. Highly enjoyable! And also? "Entrenched cultural truth" is the best possible way to express this idea about New York men! It's such a marvelous turn of phrase, alluding as it does to a condition of constant disavowal.
So I should be looking for a guy who is looking for a green card?
Stole the words right out my mouth.
'out of' Jesus, I'm hungover.
Oh, I dunno. This doesn't sound so bad. Sure beats the DC alternative, where we marry you and then go sleep with a Senate Paige
Sounds a lot like dating gay men in New York, "a bunch of tens looking for an eleven" (yes, I just quoted that).
Stole the words right out of my mouth.
I think the real question is: why is 25 year old Lisa Locascio so worried about getting married right now in the first place? Doesn't she have another five years, at least?
OBVIOUSLY THIS IS OR SHOULD BE OBVIOUS BUT if what you want is to get married? Not judging? Don't move in with him.
These things get so confusing in high-rent cities, because I am all, "Nice second date, do you leave the shaving bits in the bathroom sink? Do you have enough for last and security?"
I suppose if I want to eventually play the game, I have to get my grad school apps in.
SO agree. My live-in relationship is based on the fact that his sublease was ending and I was running out of money.
………………..and love. It's fine.
Really? Have to think more about that.
But what I came here to say: and doesn't "baby-daddy" mean they're not marrying the Euro dudes either, just getting knocked up by them?
Boooooo!
It may take 10 years, but they eventually come around!
cow; milk; free; etc.
OMG do not read that thing. I feel like I just watched the SATC pilot!
Ugh, I know. I need a Cosmo.
OHMYGODWHATISHAPPENINGTOME!?!?!
"…in Europe, American gals' preoccupation with "getting the ring" is viewed in many quarters as hopelessly bourgeois." In Europe, most countries have socialized medicine (so no need to marry for health insurance) and varying degrees of legal domestic partner status (that protects your property rights and gives the right to widows pensions, for example).
"varying degrees of legal domestic partner status"
I think we can all agree, Americans aren't big on nuance.
Not to sound too hopelessly bourgeois, but what about marrying for love? Too pre-1945?
But European men are so much more sensitive.
and accenty.
Ugh, I don't want to raise some other dudes kids,It just seems unnatural. I don't feel old fashioned just selfish I just can't deal with some other dude with a halfway legit reason all in my sauce, I think that's fair. I'm not talking about adoption for those who need to know the whole point is this this other dude. A Woman with a dead babies daddy totally fine. unrelated, I just realized that I may have been spelling Woman wrong all day! Yikes.
Allow me to toss this thought into the whole American-vs.-European-male-sweeping-generalization pool:
European men are allowed to fuck around all they want after they get married. (The same isn't true for the wives, of course.) It's socially acceptable, as long as they call the woman they're fucking their "mistress." So to them, it isn't really much of a "commitment" they're making, is it? At least not a sexual one.
American men are at least expected to make an effort to keep their dick in their pants after marriage.
The big "fear of commitment for American men is probably mostly all about sex. Specifically, "OMG I may never be able to have sex with another woman as long as I live!" The European men don't have to worry about that little stipulation.
I started seeing this guy a while ago. Both of us are divorced. He suggested that married people should have a "conversation" on every 5th aniversary to see if each spouse thinks the marriage is what they think it should be.
ONLY every five years?
As a married person, I'd have to say that sounds like a very good idea except that there's no need to wait five years to have that conversation. The more frequently you discuss that subject, the better.
Now, I am not a married, but I find it helpful to coincide this conversation with the State of the Union Address. Not only is it a helpful mnemonic device, but it can add a nice, stately formality that is adaptive to times both good and bad.
State of the Union UNDRESSED
That was my response. He threw 5 years out as an idea. His point was that as a married person, he stayed in his marriage for a lot longer than he should have. If he had gone into the marriage with the understanding that upon every 5 years he could opt out, it would have been easier. He was relatively young and (hee hee)inexperienced. Gives new meaning to a wedding aniversary.
OMG Garge! The hubby and I have 'State of the Union' conversations, like, every other day. Not particularly stately or formal, though.
Cut from the same cloth, Bittersweet. Touching base often is probably better for the allegiance of your union; the annual event is more of a safeguard against being, what three years? I think the formalities can be a transference tactic–better to not need the crutch!
I would agree to have to conversations way more often if they involved sustained applause.
I think the most important part of the article is this: "wash his skivvies for years." What? My husband washes his own damned skivvies. They can do their own laundry, ladies, even once you move in together. Just set the ground rules when you move in.