Local Advice Column: "Don't Laugh But I Was Counting on The Singularity"

"Question: Is there an afterlife? -Matt."

Answer: If you ever need to make your own Grand Canyon, start with a river and lift up the earth. As the ground rises the river will carry some of it away. Wait seven million years, at which point tourists will come. Some will see eons of erosion at work; others will believe that, a mere 4,500 years back, God dragged His fingernail across the desert. Like the group of evangelical-Christian creationists that rafted through in 2005. 'One of the things it says to me,' a rafter was quoted as saying, 'is I'm small and God and the world He created is huge. This is a man-dwarfing place.'