Newsweek has some helpful suggestions, quite randomly presented in cartoon form, about dealing with being taken hostage by another person. I disagree with nearly all of these pro tips! Don't be a hero? America loves heroes. It is anti-American not to be a hero. In fact, your life is meaningless without taking advantage of potential heroism. Let's roll, people! Roll, that is, against the anti-American elitist traitors that run the liberal coastal mouthpiece that is Newsweek.
Monday, January 25, 2010
14
Great cards!
How many boxes of cereal do I have to buy to collect 'em all?
As in Helsinki, Sweden.
Newsweek? More like News-weak.
In high school, the label on a classroom file box that held "Newsweek" back issues had been defaced with the phrase "this news weakly resembles reality." That was a pretty astute -- and at the time, troubling -- observation for high schoolers.
'remember the first 45 minutes are the most dangerous.'
Actually, Mr. Newsweek, I'm pretty sure the last fifteen minutes are the most dangerous*.
*(this statement is one of humor, and actual statistical investigation should not be inferred)
All I know is that if you survive the last 15 minutes, you'll probably make it through.
The guys got his superman outfit on under his clothes (is he in fact superman?) and he's not supposed to be a hero???
I think it's this guy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQiL8Hcz-LY
Ah, so the rules for surviving a hostage situation are the same as the house rules at Mistress Simone's Dungeon of Pain.
Once you figure out your captor's safe word, it's smooth sailing.
These are really generic. This is basically my how-not-to-get-fired paraprofessional training manual, if you trade Don't OD for the police one.
Don't be a hero? Bo Donaldson would approve of that advice!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0lKmznjgfQ
It sounds remarkably like the old rules for surviving a plane hijacking, before 9/11 taught us we should act like heros and tackle the mofos. Or alternately, have the photogenic Dutch filmmaker do the tackling for us.
This would make a great high-res poster. Anyone listening over at Newsweek?