This morning, someone asked: what the heck should one do with my Twitter account? She was afraid she was doing it wrong, that it had gone all stale or whiny or boresies. (That may be the case, but really, only you can decide if you are doing Twitter wrong! Let your conscience be your guide.) We have a few pro tips on shaking things up.
• Turn that puppy into your Dream Journal.No, literally. Seriously. Just speed-type your dreams out, first thing in the morning. This has the added benefit of auto-discarding followers who don't really know you, or who don't care about your dreams. If they don't care about your very dreams, do they really care about you?
• Take some time out from your bloody lifecasting and lurk around as an amplifier. You know what? You have fun friends, or "friends," probably. (Are Twitter friends "friends"? Sometimes! Sometimes not.) Take a break from putting your "original" "thoughts" on it and just become a (gross word alert) "reTweeter" of things that You Find Of Interest.
• Remake it as a place for fiction. Or start working as an invented character, or some weird alternate universe version of yourself. See also: Fireland, Jim Windolf.
• Restrict yourself-and go deep on a niche topic. Sometimes bad things happen when Twitter gets used as a broadcaster of recent pet activities and pet peeves. Why not a pet project? Why not focus it on a topic of serious interest to you or to your actual "life work," and allow no other type of chatter? Whether a category of things (long-form journalism) or a topic (Russian books? 80s pop music?), putting some structure up on your business cuts out regrettable, morning-after Twittering. (See also: Wears the Trousers, Long Reads. )
• Delete your account. Not in like a big dramatic "I HATE YOU GUYS AND MYSELF" way. Just kill it! What's the worst that could happen? And, if you want to go back a week or a month or a year later, you can always start a new account. Twitter, just like HPV, will wait silently for you.
TYPE IN CODE. LIKE SDRAWKCAB. PEOPLE LOVE TO ERUGIF FFUTS TOU.
OPYT.
!AH
LOL
and don't knock the awesomeness that is curling!
Pro tip: set your DVR to record the curling matches when they air them in the middle of the day pretty much unedited (maybe live, if we're lucky) on USA or whatever secret network gets the B- and C-list events. Get home from work, fast-forward through the slow bits (there is a lot of standing around) and watch the magic unfold.
I did this during the 2006 games and it pretty much changed my life, or at least my Winter Olympics viewing experience.
YES YES ONE THOUSAND YESSES
Curling is easy to make fun of until you see a full curling match, and then it's basically the second greatest spectator sport (first: hockey [do I get my Canadian citizenship yet?])
It's also fun to do IRL! Upstairs at the local curling club is a wood-paneled drinking area for after games. I'd like to think all curling rinks have one. And the next 2 days you're totally randomly sore all over and like "what? curling?"
Wii Curling is also amazing (Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games)...also Wii figure skating!
@evilfred Yes! I went curling once and it was just like this. The curling instructors also informed me that curling is largely an excuse to get really drunk, so it combines all of my favorite things (getting drunk and curling).
DC TheAwlers: The National Curling Center (!) is right outside DC, on the east side of MoCo. They do free curling lessons!
When I lived in Canada (I miss you, write soon!) I loved to watch the televised curling matches. There was something sweet and appealing about how most of the players were doughy, middle-aged men and women who smoked and drank during matches.
YOU CAN SMOKE WHILE CURLING?!
Tell me more about this magical "sport."
The list of things you can do while curling is pretty gigantic, especially since there is explicitly a role where you just sit at one end of the ice and point. That's all you do! So anything you can do while pointing (smoking, screwing, lines of blow off of the ass of <a href="http://images.google.com/images?q=curling%20calendar"a curler &c.) is fair game.
GODDAMNIT
http://images.google.com/images?q=curling%20calendar
I deleted my account and now I can't get my old user name back and THIS IS SAD becuase I really want to start tweeting my Awl-inspired dreams SO YOU CAN ALL SUFFER ALONG WITH ME.
(Because doing so would knock out 4 of your 5 bullets and I like to obey your orders!)
I am daydreaming that the berets have achieved consciousness.
I bet this asshole wears berets.
I totally had a dream a couple of nights ago that was a combo of The Awl and a post I had read on Jezebel the previous day. Freaked me out.
What about a dream that features you walking to a bar--in the company of another Awl commenter's avatar? Atop a normal torso and legs?!!
You're giving this away for free when you could be making serious bank!
http://www.brandtrainers.com/events/socialmedia_courseFeb12.html
I stopped following Katrina vanden Heuvel on Twitter when she tweeted about her dream journal. True story!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE EXAMPLE. #annoyingallcaps
TODAY'S BEST TWEET.
I do not even remember asking you!
i mostly update my twitter via tumblr. for the most part , i use twitter to follow media news and nyc info such as traffic updates, alternate side parking, events, etc.
i hardly use it for social networking. once twitter (and perhaps foursquare) become a necessity to "socialize", then i guess i'm gunnah have to succumb to social pressure. or i could just live as a hermit. i prefer the latter.
Post as your alter ego Erioch, who is sort of like you BUT THE OPPOSITE.
I like to use it to fan the flames of hatred and intolerance.
Don't forget ignorance! There is literally a ton of fertile soil to be planted there.
Methinks the metaphors doth mix too much
You forgot about using the service later at night with a darker ethnicity to join topical discussions on #idontneednoman and #ucwhut?
Twitter me that, Webman!
Psyched for curling? Perhaps the 500-metre paint drying is for you? The Earth's tectonic plates move at the same rate that human fingernails grow--watch the shit out of that event!
BLASPHEMER
Good advice really. I pretty much do nothing but "retweet" nowadays and I'm much happier. Delete the account is probably the best advice though.