Oh, why not: Some kid in Boise got his tongue stuck to a frozen flagpole. It is cold and raining and dull in New York this morning, so I'm a pretty easy mark, but I found this oddly charming for whatever reason.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
9
Jean Shepherd ought to get a royalty check in Heaven for this.
My son did this one Christmas. I was bringing the tree in the front door and he put a jacket on to help but, I didn't need it so he walked past me and went straight across the lawn and put his tongue on the brushed aluminum light pole. The problem for him was he was stuck and there was absolutely no-one around (I was putting up the tree). So, eventually he panics and rips the tip of his tongue clean off (it was stuck there like a fleshy red slushy). There was quite a blood trail leading back to the house and when he came through the front door we really couldn't tell what happened except that a fountain of blood was gushing from his mouth. The wife went bananas but, in what must be genetic programming (men are dicks)I was sort of removed and calm. At the hospital my wife was kind of worried like our story was unbelievable and that maybe people thought we had done this with pliers or something? She was weird like that. My son, who was petrified of bees was now looking at about 16 stitches to a pretty raw tongue.
He took it pretty good and the one thing I learned is nothing on your body heals as fast as your tongue.
Also, nothing bleeds like the tongue, hence, the gushing.
I did that when I was a kid. I'm not ashamed.
You were saying what now about kids never being bored enough to do random shit anymore?
I still lick poles (heyo!)
You'll stop when your tongue gets frozen stuck to one...
Fun fact that no one will care about but me but I am utterly compelled (COMPELLED!) to post: I went to the school where the pole the kid licked was. The pole was gone by the time I went there but many of us would lick other poles in emulation of the movie.
Garrison Keillor's tongue on the pump handle is my favorite.