I was walking to the Awl offices this morning and I got all the exercise I need for a month, according to a city Health Department study. SUCK IT, medical professionals who worry about my triglycerides! I am fit as a fucking fiddle! I will NEVER DIE! I can take cabs for the rest of December and still make it through the end of the Nads in one piece! I AM IMMORTAL and all it took was one lousy walk. God, I love this town.
Friday, December 4, 2009
26
10 blocks a month? You'd pretty much need to have someone carrying you everywhere to do only 10 blocks a month.
There are 2000 steps in a mile. 10 blocks is half a mile, so that's 1000 steps. Divide by 30, that's 33 steps per day. Or about the number of steps one takes back and forth to the bathroom each day, in a small NYC apartment.
We've really set the bar low.
I burned 3500 calories just reading about it.
"...one foot in front of the other..."? Balk, were you recently walking along a road in Texas carrying a deer carcass?
I mean, you are a hairy bastard, right?
In other news, people flying first class to Paris reported feeling richer than those taking the bus to Troy.
I get a great workout every time I have a heart attack.
I like to smoke when I walk to increase my heart rate. Cardio!
My Pug dog Lulu keeps me in peak physical condition.
Read my upcoming book 'Fuck Yourself Thin.'
I'll have to wait till it comes out in paperback because I'm too out of shape to lift a hardcover.
No worries, they're doing an audio book read by Gary Shandling.
HiredGoons, You are truly an artist in your chosen medium.
Sculpy?
COMMENTING, you brilliant fool. (And, probably, dick.)
I swear, I'm actually a sweetheart - just a vicious wit.
Hired Goons sent me an early copy and I have to say it works. Went from a 12 (not kidding) to a four. Not only does the book help lose the weight, you actually keep it off. And no I'm not anorexic or bulimic.
Just slutty.
Hi.
I'm real happy the Nads are still in full swing.
Blood like caulk.
caulksucker.
I CANNOT RESIST QUOTING MYSELF:
Alex Balk,
Has blood like caulk,
His arteries are clogging,
He loves his chips
And beer and fags, and isn’t one for jogging.
Speaking of Meta Enabling, the post goes far beyond that into actual enabling. However Rage does burn Calories(just like Meth) so whatever works.
A friendly reminder: You're too poor for cabs
It was mostly theoretical, but thanks.
with friends like these...