50. South Carolina
49. Utah
48. Delaware
47. Mississippi
46. Alabama
45. Texas
44. Virginia
43. Indiana
42. Connecticut
41. Idaho
40. Florida
39. Nevada
38. Missouri
37. Alaska
36. Nebraska
35. South Dakota
34. Kentucky
33. Vermont
32. Oklahoma
31. Wyoming
30. Oregon
29. Arizona
28. North Carolina
27. Georgia
26. Kansas
25. Arkansas
24. North Dakota
23. Rhode Island
22. Montana
21. Colorado
20. New Mexico
19. Iowa
18. Tennessee
17. Louisiana
16. Washington
15. New Hampshire
14. West Virginia
13. Hawaii
12. California
11. Michigan
10. New York
9. Wisconsin
8. Minnesota
7. Maine
6. Ohio
5. Massachusetts
4. Illinois
3. New Jersey
2. Maryland
1. Pennsylvania
Previously: The 94 Best Philip Larkin Poems, In Order
The exclusion of D.C. makes me question the validity of this list.
Okay, I'll bite - how, exactly, is DC our national Suedehead?
+2
Exactly! Though, if DC were a state, it'd be the most fucked up state ever. Even worse than West Virginia, but different.
PS - did WV get ranked so high because it is the home of the beloved Ronbo?
It is also the home of me. So 14 seems fair.
If by fucked up you mean awesome.
If by awesome you mean "horribly governed, with income inequality so great it would make Brazil blush, and perpetually five years behind NYC in terms of trends and general culture," then yes, I mean awesome. I live in DC. I love it. But admitting that the city's super fucked-up is the first step towards improvement.
26th http://www.taxadmin.org/fta/rate/cigarett.html
Why'd you rank Texas so high?
Probably all the jobs and affordable housing. But ability to live in the middle-class doesn't seem to have much to do with this list. Also I have issues with Oklahoma, Louisiana (healthcare?), Arkansas and Kansas.
I have issues with those state, too.
In general.
Having grown up in Oklahoma, you're both well within your rights to have issues with it.
It has Austin.
Yeah but Austin now has that Burj Dubai condo fright sitting on the river. So meh. Also Perry. But he is cancelled out by Taylor Kitsch. So I give up. #45 is about right. I was being knee-jerk. Apologies Hockey mom.
Ok, this one was sort of good.
This one was the BEST, you mean.
PA ALL THE WAY! YEAH! (indeed, a random list.)
You've Got A Friend In!
yay PA!
It's the only thing PA has won all week!
As a growing Delawarophobe, I like its position at #48.
I am waiting for the day when someone can explain to me the difference between Delaware and a parking lot.
Except for Rehoboth beach. Rehoboth's awesome.
You generally don't have to sit in inexplicable traffic for hours in a parking lot on your way to another state.
Where the hell is Bubbles on this list.
Oh, nevermind. But Oregon deserved better.
I was shocked and intensely relieved to see Ohio made it on the list, but then I started crying from the build up after all of the suspense.
I, too, was amazed to see the place of my birth so highly ranked.
MAHAHAHHAHAHA. This is 100% correct.
#17 should actually just be New Orleans.
Seconded.
I posit that Alaska would have been higher a year ago.
Also, the voters really like West Virginia!
So Mark Sanford is The Father Who Must Be Killed?
No, Mark Sanford is the young man running through the glen.
Other richly suggestive pairings:
47. Mississippi / Interesting Drug
29. Arizona / National Front Disco
11. Michigan / November Spawned a Monster
10. New York / Every Day Is Like Sunday
South of the Border is not helping things, either...
I guess I understand the need to throw a bone to Michigan (11? Really?) with all the economic collapsing, BUT Ohio is going to get too big for its britches at number 6.
BWAHAHAHA.
Go Bucks!
THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY AND OFFENDED THAT I'LL HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT IT.
I assume the NJ ranking was helped by a surge of Jersey Shore-inspired voting.
(Too meta-enabling?)
This list is Ranking of States Where Pajama Bottoms Are Worn In Public, right? Cos it's all I see when I look around here in PA.
I will see your pajama bottoms and raise you a 'going-to-college-in-Boston-if-I-never-see-another-pair-of sweatpants-with-something-written-across-the-ass-I-can die-a-happy-man.'
You are racist against JUICY
I could not possibly fail to mention the all season uggs+miniskirt combo.
Uggs...I thought we were done with those this year, but then it got cold. Here it's the 'aspirational yoga clothes' plus the aforementioned footwear that are the offending articles.
Window, I am guessing PINK.
Garge, here in the Boston burbs the variation seems to be skinny jeans/Uggs. Ugh.
Colorado, as far as I can tell, is officially sponsored by The North Face sleeveless life jackets.
Demonstrates an outrageous bias towards Wawa, with Delaware put at 48 to a) throw us off the scent b) it's fucking Delaware.
Montana at #22 is fucking bullshit.
Damn, I could have really used it in descending order. Sigh.
Is your avatar a reference to Battleship Potemkin? If so... call me.
#40! It's 81 degrees today (FEELS LIKE 86) in my part of #40 -- suck on that, state raters.
As a native South Carolinian, I can attest that this list is 100% accurate. Sigh.
I am about to die of disagreement here.. speechless. I suspect Scocca is secretly from NJ, since a lot of PA is basically NJ anyway, and MD is not far off.
Maryland: Expect it when you least expect it, Pennsylvania.
This state listicle thing is PROFOUNDLY ARGUABLE.
This is the worst alphabetizing I've ever seen.
Vermont is not a 'middle-of-the-list-state.'
- Gay Marriage
- Ice Cream
- Ganja
Suck it.
uhm, and...maple syrup and cheese! petitioning for Vermont for number 1. I mean, PA, really? the endless drive from north to south thru PA should alone disqualify it for number 1.
And let's not forget Pittsburgh. Although Erie is lovely.
AND Burton Snowboards and microbreweries and Pat Leahy!
(-1 for Phish)
Actually, in retrospect, I think my biggest complaint yet may have to do with Vermont! Vermont is pretty top-notch. Right up there with Oregon.
Despite my previous bitching about life jackets, Colorado could take Vermont AND Pennsylvania, based on the number of breweries, bars and distilleries alone.
Too close to Quebec.
Suck it right back.
*call me
phallic bennington monument
Ha!
-1,000,000 for Phish
You're... you're right.
CHEESE!!!???
-1 mud season
+ 1 Von Trapps.
-20 vacationing New Yorkers
I'm so pleased with the placement of New Jersey that I didn't want to find fault with the rest of the list, but yes. Vermont is patently wonderful.
at nine spots ahead of indiana, kentucky has won the only battle that matters. fucking hoosiers.
no big blue. once again your state skates by on the merits of its bourbon.
Calipari is an awful human being and hot browns taste exactly as good as they sound.
To whoever ranked New Mexico directly above Colorado and WAY above Texas: Fuck yes.
However, Iowa can suck it.
I'll bet those darn Puerto Ricans are PISSED.
Marylander here nonetheless shocked and appalled by North Carolina's being ranked so low. That is THE prototypical New Blue multiple-ideopolis state. It also has beaches, mountains, and two of college basketball's five best programs.
It also has my raging conservative Christian in-laws who are sitting around waiting for the Rapture while watching Glenn Beck forwarding us iffy emails about Obama.
Have you been outside Raleigh into the rural areas? It's fucking crazy town.
My home state of Tennessee is shockingly high. Do you mean West or East Tennessee?
OK. Outsider question Isn't that the difference between Flat & Bumpy?
Someone paid attention in 5th grade geography--nice work! There's also Middle Tennessee, which is Flumpy.
I always imagined raiders from highland Tennessee coming down and spreading terror in lowland and flumpy Tennessee. Appalachian Vikings if you will.
They are a warrior breed, those Highlanders.
My brother.
Is it OK if I share this with others and get their opinions?
+40000
I can only comment on the states I've lived in:
Ohio - you bet your ass we're top ten.
Virginia - deserves much better, top 15.
Florida - easily #50.
Florida is by far the worst state in the union. This is an empirical fact.
The nation's wang.
True, also.
It is not that bad. We voted for Obama, and at most have only produced minor political assholes (unlike #1's Santorum). We keep the nations supply of Grandparents warm and safely away from you. Miami is coming close to producing something vaguely reminiscent of culture. Um ...there's a big fucking swamp.
+1 for Alligators.
-1 for the redheaded CSI guy
-1 Katherine Harris-she was creepy
-10 (and counting) for Tiger Woods
Though it could be split with Nevada on a mercy rule.
+ 1 for Cocaine Cowboys
+1 for the Design District.
-1 for all of Miami Beach except Zeke's.
-3 trillion for 2000 election.
Done.
I was told there would be no math.
That West Virginia is ranked higher than Virginia proper on anything is enough to cause visceral feelings of rage and disgust in Virginians...
As a West Virginian, I agree!
West Virginia Is For Haters.
Florida: Where Senior Citizens Get the Clap
Ohio? Are you confusing Big 10 with top ten?
Louisiana is the only state keeping Tennessee from claiming the coveted Number One in the South. I suggest spots 17 and 18 be switched, if for no other reason than to punish LA for their obvious feelings of high-fallootin superiority in having Parishes instead of Counties like the rest of our great nation. Plus, I would like to see Tennessee rightfully Number One in the South. This MATTERS.
Oh, HELL no. (Hell, of course, is pronounced as if it has a "y".) What does TN have that LA doesn't? Dolly Parton's boobs? Mountains? Moonshine? We've got Mardi Gras, brass bands, drinking on the street, alligators, swamps, LSU football (seriously, I don't give a fuck about that, but I guess a lot of people do), and the Saints.
Memphis, the fucking Mississippi River (oh, never mind that last).
Everything on your list except LSU and alligators is New Orleans, which will soon be competing with Atlantis for the most submerged formerly interesting place. And when the real high water comes, East Tennessee will be the last place standing (which is how god wants it).
for some weird reason I can't reply to kneetoe. So let me say, as a former resident of East Tennesse, I would rather swim in the streets of New Orleans than have dry feet in Knoxville.
It's because if you don't have anything nice to say about the town I grew up in, The Awl won't let you say anything (except, of course, it did let you, but nevermind).
Actually, I'm going back for xmas and I'm bored already.
I feel your pain. I lived in Farragut when I was a child. It scarred me for life, and I am not joking about that. Wretched place.
You poor thing. Now West Knoxville goes out to and beyond Farragut in that classic endless strip of the same shit over and over again so well known in all places (ie, much of America) where planning never happened.
I think we may allow ourselves to acknowledge that Louisiana and its charming people deserve to be slightly overrated if anyone does.
This was strangely anti-climactic. PA. hm. Yet it all makes sense.
Welcome to The Nads.
#32! Suck it, 33-50!
/lives in ny
You know how sometimes some Canadian commenter will come by and make some smart-alecky comment?
That's always funny.
I was just typing, Where's Ontario?
But that's more nonsensical than smart-alecky, I admit.
No problem!
(Passive-aggressive Canadians say "You're welcome.")
1.PEI
2.Manitoba
3.Alberta
4.Ontario
5.Saskatchewan
6.British Columbia
7.New Brunswick
8.Yukon
9.Nova Scotia
10. Newfoundland
11.Nunavat
12.Quebec
13. North West Territory
In NO particular Order
I would say it's in order of potatoes eaten per capita, but then I remembered poutine.
It's actually the AGG (Anne of Green Gables) Index
OMG in my circle AOGG is a trope!
I'd say it's friendliness of the natives, but then Manitoba would be #1 by a landslide.
Makes sense, what with being just north of Minnesota and all...
We are a pretty friendly bunch. I feel like Newfoundland and Nunavut should be ranked higher, just because they're newer. The fresh scent of a new province/territory!
Are you kidding? Newfies hate that Potato Eater.
as a native californian, i can only agree with its rank of 12th if you remove all of the people.
New Mexico is #20? I call shenanigans.
I'm on board with you. Also, funny shenanigans, or EVIL shenanigans?
It is now snowing sideways in #8. This storm is going to be good.
Henceforth in the comments, all states will be referred to by their arbitrary numerical rank.
That's how we will be able to discern the trolls from everyone else.
Jeesh, I was just joking around. I actually though HM's comment was pretty clever.
Oh, no, me too, just went with it, with ya
I think the two of you need to have angry make-up sex.
# 5's nuisance storm will commence around 4am at just the right time to make tomorrow's commute a nightmare.
Correction - to make tomorrow's commute even more of a nightmare. Here's to working from home...at least until the power goes out.
If Jeezy's paying Illinois for his paper towels I'm paying Maryland.
ILLINOIS ILLINOIS!
Born in PA, decades lived in MD. This list warms my crabby bits youse guys.
This is excellent. I would put Connecticut even lower. And yes, Oregon, for me, might be a top ten state.
See, this is my problem, there's more than one CT (say, NW CT vs. Stanford) and there's more than one OR (East vs. West). So start over, but do it by county or House districts.
You're racist against Parishes.
And especially by Parishes.
I can't resist the annoying pedant in me any longer - it's Stamford. (Sorry.)
Oh, I don't know - Ray Allen and Hammonnasset Beach in an off-jelly fish year should be good for at least a notch or two.
At this point the best thing about CT is Amy Jean Porter.
As the band says:
We live in the dullest state
Package stores all close at eight
Malls are full of optometrists
And restaurants we hate
Swimming across Lake Quassapaug
Stealing makeup, catching frogs
Cutting our feet on broken bottles
As we wade in the Shepaug
It’s true for horses, cows and dogs…
Connecticut’s for fucking
That’s all there is to do.
I love to listen to classic rock
and have sex with you.
I wish there had been a commentary.
I smell an opportunity. What are you doing this afternoon?
I can't! OHIO is throwing me off! Also I have to go check to see if the mail came.
"Californiaaaaahhh" - Joni Mitchell.
So did this post serve its purpose, or thwart it?
First!
Oregon at #30? C'mon! Awesome beer, coffee, beards, and indie rock. That should at least get us in the top 15!
You forgot strip clubs. And pinot noir. Seriously though, I am surprised Washington was a bit higher. WHY WASHINGTON, WHY??!!
People forget that Oregon is more than Portland and Eugene. Because of the existence of Gresham, Coos Bay and Beaverton, the ranking should stand.
Places like Gresham (that are not even as pretty) exist in states ranked much higher than Oregon, though. I'd like to think the existence of Crater Lake and the many waterfalls, mountains, etc. more than negates the unpleasantness of Beaverton and such. There definitely is some serious beauty to be had outside of the hipster and crunchy enclaves.
Disappointed in my home state, Mississippi, as we're used to leading in listicles like "most obese" and "most illiterate adults"...
Massachusetts is ranked far higher than I would have expected from a person writing on the internet. I like it.
God, Utah so far down!? Obviously you're not a skier.
Mormons.
A fucking Salt Lake.
Big Love!
+1 rock formations
-1 gaudiness of the Mormon Tabernacle
+1 gaudiness of the Mormon Tabernacle
You are all wrong. The Greatest Snow On Earth is its own religion, a religion which buries any polygamists in an avalanche.
Ahem. Fernie. Pot + Snow + Polygamists.
Suck it @ #49
Magic underwear.
-1 for all land-locked states.
+1 for not having to deal with rising sea levels.
There's no sense of history. Connecticut exists because Massachusetts had diverged too far from the righteous path, how can Massachusetts precede Connecticut? And Ohio (and parts of Illinois and westward, ho) is all just Connecticut leftovers.
And what, you (Bry) are talking about New London (CoCo for Wo and all), or the Occupied Territories (Fairfield County, or, New York) ...
Connecticutians rise up!
I don't know how you got Illinois at #4, unless you are going on pure entertainment value. Srsly. (It is also snowing sideways in Chicago right now.)
1.Berlin
2.North Rhine-Westphalia
3.Saxony
4.Lower Saxony
5.Baden-Württemberg
6.Hamburg
7.Bavaria
8.Thuringia
9.Rhineland-Palatinate
10.Brandenburg
11.Bremen
12.Mecklemberg-Vorpommern
13.Saarland
14.Schleswig-Holstein
15.Hesse
16.Saxony-Anhalt
I can't shake the feeling that New Hampshire is getting away with something at #15.
They are! I don't large gangs of roving white people. They are up to no good. Yeah, I'm talking to you Pacific Northwest too.
Compared to the rest of the country, the Pacific NW is fairly underpopulated. So our gangs of roving white people are on the small side. Does that help?
trust insert between don't and large. Screw the Pooch Oregon and shush it.
I didn't even notice your typo! Due to all the delicious wine and coffee and local microbrews I've been drinking.
Things that are wrong with this list:
1. Florida should be much lower on this list, nestled in somewhere around Mississippi.
2. There is nothing wrong with Idaho, unlike so many other states. There are no people in Idaho, so you must judge it by its natural scenery, which is stunning, and the commodities it produces. Do you have something against potatoes?
3. Oregon's ranking is an egregious error, as has been mentioned in several other comments.
4. All of Michigan and parts of Pennsylvania are highly unpleasant rusted-out, post-apocalyptic hellscapes.
5. Kansas? A middling state? Have you forgotten the Westboro Baptist Church? The tolls on the interstate? The aborted fetus billboards?
UM there is plenty wrong with Idaho.
Namely Neo-Nazis and cops-that-pulled-me-over-in-college-driving-across-country-and-brought-in-a-K9-unit-with-no-reason-except-my-Rhode-Island-plates-and-they-only-found-one-joint-and-not-the-ounce-in-the-pocket-next-to-it-in-my-backpack.
They probably thought it was suspicious you managed to get your car off the island of Rhode in the first place.
I highly doubt they've heard of that particular island.
"All of Michigan
and parts of Pennsylvaniaare highly unpleasant rusted-out, post-apocalyptic hellscapes.So, you've never actually been to the "Middle West" before have you? There are parts of western Michigan - as well as the Upper Peninsula - are so beautiful it makes me blush.
Plus, you realize that Oberon is made in MI, right?
As a current Illinoisan, I question Illinois. But Idaho, though lovely, is Mormons and Larry Craig and the Education of Young Sarah Palin.
and the Aryan Nation!
Fuck you! Indiana is way better than that.
As someone who spent 15 years of her life there, I'll have to disagree with you.
Well, my grungy little neighborhood in Indianapolis is, anyway.
I don't think Indiana gets enough love. But, then, I remember...we really don't have much going for us, and we're super conservative, in the con category. But there are a few worthwhile places in indiana.
Indiana voted for Obama, btw.
"but there are a few worthwhile places in indiana.
/Cough/
Ahem. There are more than just a "few".
i'm not making any value statements about these states, but do these lists always run with #1 being the best? i mean, this could be a list ranked from worst to best.
Whoa, whoa. This changes everything.
'merca.
I was going to say that Maryland and Pennsylvania were transposed, then I realized we gotta keep it on the low, somewhat.
Are you going for most fiscally sound to least (50-1)? You came pretty close, bump Cali to 1 and TX to 50. Also a damn fine effort at least union friendly to most union friendly (a best to worst of its own).
Robin Hood Tax: +500000 for #45 for screwing the rich. Equating fiscal soundness with sitting on a bed of oil: -1000000 for #45
Guessing you don't get around to reading The Economist too often, what with the late hours at the factory and all.
I'm a lawyer smartypants, not that it should matter, and I am not pro-union. And if the Economist judges it good long-run fiscal policy for Texas to continue to ignore its out of control unwed teen birth rate, toll road rape, murder rate, and one of the most uneducated, poor, and unhealthy populations in the country, then that must just be fascinating reading. But I'll pass and just wait for Texas to go blue again, the over/under of which is about 10 years given current population trends.
The idea that anyone could make an honest list like this is silly, unless they've lived in all 50 states. As someone who has lived in both Louisiana and Connecticut, I can positively say that the two rankings should be switched.
And what the fuck qualifies North Dakota as the #24 spot? It's not particularly beautiful. The people aren't particularly friendly. It's not a particularly useful state. I don't hate N.D or anything; just baffled by its seemingly arbitrary position halfway along the list.
SAM IS ON TO YOU.
#17 seems fair for Louisiana. We have the Saints, boudin, and Zapps Creole Tomato chips, which almost makes up for our hurricanes, decimated swamps, healthcare, obesity, poverty, third world living situations, etc. Just to ensure we don't get too cocky, we have g.d. Jindall, Vitter and Jefferson to keep us in our place.
This is like that episode of the Twilight Zone where the neighbors all destroy each other.
due to the obvious ineptitude of the compiler of this ill-informed list I refuse to comment further on the gross errors in judgement OUT OF SHEER RAGE!
tobacco-prevention spending, per capita.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/10/us/10smoking.html?th&emc=th
For pageview purposes, this should really be a slideshow.
The only time West Virginia has been above Virginia is on a map.