Friday, December 18th, 2009
87

The 14 Favorite Things, In Order

14. Doorbells
13. Silver-white winters that melt into springs
12. Cream-colored ponies
11. Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
10. Raindrops on roses
9. Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
8. Warm woolen mittens
7. Sleigh bells
6. Whiskers on kittens
5. Crisp apple streudels
4. Bright copper kettles
3. Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
2. Brown-paper packages tied up with string
1. Schnitzel with noodles



Previously: The 30 Best Punk Songs Since 1979 Available on YouTube, In Order

87 Comments / Post A Comment

Dickdogfood (#650)

I am shocked, shocked that the food entries place so high.

Daisy (#2,667)

What are you trying to say about my ass?

Dickdogfood (#650)

But I am referring to the universal appeal of food, not the universal fact of ladyass–a subject I know nothing of!

hungrybee (#2,091)

Switch 'doorbells' to 'buzzers' and it goes to 25 at least!

mathnet (#27)

Mine just scared the shit out of me for the third time today. LEAVE ME ALONE OR I'LL DIE OF A HEART ATTACK.

Dickdogfood (#650)

Also: not sure why snowflakes rate so high while silver-white winters rate so low. One sorta presupposes the other, maybe.

HiredGoons (#603)

I think she's drunk.

Dickdogfood (#650)

AND SOON I WILL BE, TOO!

oudemia (#177)

Maybe she means ONLY those snowflakes that stay on her nose and eyelashes. Not those that deign to touch the earth.

jolie (#16)

I take umbrage with the placement of Girls in White Dresses With Blue Satin Sashes. Top 5, at least.

I came here to say that too. What Jolie said. GIWDWBSS FOREVER!

jolie (#16)

The correct response is actually "TRUER WORDS" but thank you.

Flashman (#418)

Whoa, too much information!

NicFit (#616)

Totally! I need another drink.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Many of these tie for 14th. And now the song's in my head. And if I try not to think about the other songs from the musical, I'll only think about them. Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SemperBufo (#1,849)

Take a few deep breaths, and try to slowly change it over to the Coltrane version. That's all I've got.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Thanks, helps.

HiredGoons (#603)

In all seriousness… I love bright copper kettles. In fact, I have a yearning for a complete set of copper cookware.

SIGH!!!

jolie (#16)

They're a bitch to keep clean. Fingerprints everywhere. Wrap yourself up in that thought and you'll feel a lot better about things.

kneetoe (#1,881)

They're not to use, just to look at, so DON'T TOUCH.

HiredGoons (#603)

Precisely, they go with my wax-sealed bottles of fancy herb-infused vinegars that I will never use.

La Cieca (#1,110)

Oddly, the same is true of girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Ah, well, then you have no choice but to get the complete set of copper cookware, price be damned!

HiredGoons (#603)

This is a lie actually, I'm a very good and enthusiastic cook and really want them to use.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Figured as much–they are actually great for cooking, as I'm sure you know. I know this from using my mother-in-laws.

Flashman (#418)

Also, don't collect rainwater in them and use it to wash your hair. Because if it's acid rain your hair will turn GREEN.

jolie (#16)

But think of all the money you could save on Manic Panic!

HiredGoons (#603)

I don't even want to KNOW what would happen with a non-stick pan.

Flashman (#418)

Meta-enabling FAIL!
I forgot that not everybody is old enough to know about Diff'rent Strokes:
http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&source=hp&q=kimberly's+hair+turns+green&btnG=Google+Search&meta=&aq=f&oq=

Raindrops on roses snubbed again! Those dewy fucks can't catch a break in 2k9!

Dave Bry (#422)

raindrops on snub-noses? (The Mobb Deep version…)

katiebakes (#32)

Who tagged this? Did Balk tag this? If Balk tagged a list that places "warm woolen mittens" at #8 and "snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes" #3 "indisputably correct" then Balk is never allowed to gripe about winter ever again.

If it's Choire I'll just assume that he takes issue with the mittens not being cashmere or something, tough but fair.

dado (#102)

Where are these girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes? Are they a team?

josh_speed (#97)

They are in fact clones of Dakota Fanning.

hockeymom (#143)

I think the team is called "Prussian Blue". And they really, really want a white Christmas.

On our nose and eyelashes!

Oof, not that Prussian Blue. My bad!

Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

MAHAHAHAHA! Prussian Blue! The t.A.T.u. of white nationalism. Where ARE they now? Also, I thought Proposal was a good movie too!

hockeymom (#143)

This is stupid. Geese can not hold the moon up with their wings. duh.

9 in 4 with a side of 1?

Jasmine (#8)

I think the MTA would disagree with 2.) since that's what is on all their "if you see something, say something" posters.

But I'm on board with Schnitzel. Totally.

You heard wrong,It's "blisters on kittens. " A reference to the holocaust, that also involved kitties.

Flashman (#418)

And, Creamed colored ponies.

Mindpowered (#948)

Direct to the Russian front.

For the Vaterland you know.

Also, nowadays, brown paper packages tied up with string usually don't make it past the post office, let alone building security.

HiredGoons (#603)

Apparently just on New York City subway security posters (that I can't find a picture of).

nadie (#807)

Those brown paper package posters are MY favorite things. Beware those Von Trapp family terrorists…

But how do you feel about Nazis?

HiredGoons (#603)

Can't do typography for shit.

They don't make top 14. Worse than doornobs.

hman (#53)

Crisp fucking apple streudels.

jolie (#16)

And there's our candidate for the next entry in The Awl Cookbook!

Dr. Spaceman (#1,211)

I think I have to surprise my wife with potato strudel now.

Hobbesian (#255)

Cat the cat would like to have a word with you re: #6.

WORD to number one. WORD.

Rod T (#33)

Where is Lady Gaga on this list?

kryz (#311)

I think, she is covered by #2, no?

Listicle without commentary: Therapeutic-memory-inducing shit
4. Feeling sad
3. Bee Stings
2. Dog bites
1. Madeleines

josh_speed (#97)

Dip the madeleines in some tilleul (linden tea) and the town pops up, in all times and seasons, like a theatrical set.

KeithTalent (#2,014)

When is the top 7 martin amis novels listicle?

#56 (#56)

1. The Information
2. London Fields
3. The Rachel Papers
4. Time's Arrow
5. Other People
6. Success
7. Money

#56 (#56)

i d'hn't list them backwards either. neither.

Rod T (#33)

Just for the record: I am just realizing these are song lyrics.

Butch Queen/Femme Queen Realness With a Twist!

This song was written during Oscar Hammerstein's LSD phase, wasn't it?

It becomes that much more obvious when you read the "things" in non-rhyming order.

HiredGoons (#603)

I finally understand 'Showboat.'

Hez (#147)

I know who's getting a cream colored pony head in their bed tomorrow!

Moff (#28)

Where is "slender young Nubian boys, brown as a nut from the long hours they have worked in the sun, and firm and soft all at once, and so compliant"?

Things To Hate:

5. My self for loving you
4. To say I told you so
3 Myself (and I want to die)
2. Love Songs
1. When our friends become successful

Daisy (#2,667)

6. The game, not the playa

7. This Part Right Here.

Daisy (#2,667)

8. 10 Things About You

9. Chris

Daisy (#2,667)

10. Toronto

HiredGoons (#603)

11.Trying to open airline peanuts, and other staples of stand up comedy.

HiredGoons (#603)

12. Stand up comedy.

mathnet (#27)

13. Seagulls
14. Being sick
15. Burning my finger on the toaster
16. Nits
17. Falling over
18. Grazing my knee
19. Picking off the scab a little bit too early
20. Getting a toothache
21. When it’s a piss-take
22. All the mistakes I've make
23. Rude, ignorant bastards
24. Snobbery
25. Anyone who, if I was serving chips, wouldn’t talk to me

Tulletilsynet (#333)

Hammerstein shmammerstein:

30. little baby ducks
29. old pickup trucks
28. slow-moving trains
27. rain
26. little country streams
25. sleep without dreams
24. Sunday School in May
23. hay
22. you, too
21. leaves in the wind
20. pictures of my friends
19. birds in the world
18. squirrels
17. coffee in a cup
16. little fuzzy pups
15. bourbon in a glass
14. grass
13. you, too
12. honest, open smiles
11. kisses from a child
10. tomatoes on the vine
9. onions
8. winners when they cry
7. losers when they try
6. music when it's good
5. life
4. you, too
3. old dogs
2. children
1. watermelon wine

Wish Gershwin would hurry up and make a listicle.

Tulletilsynet (#333)

17. Society offenders who might well be underground;
16. pestilential nuisances who write for autographs;
15. people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs;
14. children who are up in dates and floor you with them flat;
13. persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that;
12. all third persons who on spoiling tête-á-têtes insist;
11. the banjo serenader;
10. the others of his race;
9. the piano-organist;
8. people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face
7. the idiot who praises with enthusiastic tone all centuries but this and every country but his own;
6. the lady from the provinces who dresses like a guy and who "doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try";
5. that singular anomaly, the lady novelist;
4. the judicial humorist;
3. all funny fellows, comic men and clowns of private life;
2. apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind;
1. but it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list for they'd none of them be missed.

Tulletilsynet (#333)

Gershwin, or at least Cole Porter.

… 17: The nimble tread of the feet of Fred Astaire,
16: An O'Neill drama,
15: Whistler's mama,
14: Camembert, …

Oh, I love this!

josh_speed (#97)

It is hardly coincidental this was posted at 4:20.

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