Jersey Mayhem: Knife-Happy Road Rager Busted In Mall Parking Lot
Apart from certain MTV-related mishegas, it's been a relatively mayhem-free week in New Jersey. But there is this: "Police: Ocean Township man threatened motorist with knife for driving too slow." From the Asbury Park Press: "According to police, Christopher Tilas, 19, pulled alongside a 2009 Hyundai he had initially been unable to pass and threatened the car passenger with a knife. The driver of the car, a 23-year-old woman from Howell, called police as she drove into the parking lot of the Seaview Mall." When you think about it, this story is really a classic example of Jersey mayhem. It's got cars, knives-which, as we recently learned, most state residents keep in their cars-and most importantly, serving as a beacon of hope, a sanctuary, offering safe harbor in a scary world, the mall. Tilas, who was driving a '95 Mitsubishi, actually followed the woman into the mall's parking lot to threaten her some more (she must have been driving really slow, which, let's be honest, simply does not fly in Jersey) and that's where the cops caught him and charged him with aggravated assault and weapons possession.
Think of what would have happened if she tried to make a left turn.
There are no left turns in Jersey. Just those damn jughandles.
It's really difficult to gauge tone when you won't roll your window down for a gentlemen waving a knife. He may have been trying to tell her about the great Wusthof sale at Williams-Sonoma.
Right! Or he might have been asking her if she had any Grey Poupon.
But of course.
(Also, "Anglophilia" tag LOL.)
Oh, you have never been to the Seaview Mall. No Williams Sonoma — hell, no real mall anymore either (it was closed for renovations and I am not sure it ever reopened). In its day, it was the Spencers and Fashion Bug mall.
Well, Jersey was occupied by the British for 102 years…
I think the real crime here, is that she was driving a Hyundai.
The cop is named Jesse Orbach? Surely it's hommage?
I vote for more use of the word "mishegas" in Awl posts. Love!
Well, this was unexpected. I live in Ocean Township and I know Tilas pretty well. He's a huge douche.