How are they celebrating Christmas over on Knifecrime Island? With a dose of gritty realism: "Humbug teachers at a primary school have come under fire for re-writing this year's Christmas pantomime of Hansel and Gretel – to make them hooded yobs. The fairytale characters have been re-cast as violent thugs who terrorise their neighbourhood and bully people as they hunt for the gingerbread house. And instead of a wicked witch owning the gingerbread house, it belongs to a defenceless elderly woman who is devastated when she finds her home wrecked by the evil pair." Do click through for the pictures, they just... say so much.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
16
I fear for yob, Emily Marley. Lets hope she doesn't become one of Britain's drunken lollies (<- just made it up, totally works tho!) in 15 years.
Those are some pretty adorable yobs.
Daily Mail = Highest Quality Evah!!
Could you at least get some stories from The Sun - they have tits in the paper.
So, yobs and slrigs?
Ohhh...how cute!
Their 6th form production of A CLOCKWORK ORANGE is going to be a huge hit.
That totally beats our elementary school play about Johnny Appleseed. And? I'm not sure the original Hansel & Gretel story has much to do with the spirit of Christmas either. Parents abandoning their kid in the woods, attempted cannibalism, shoving an old lady into a furnace? Ho ho ho!
Gretel is scaring the shit out of me.
It's the Sid and Nancy version and the gingerbread house is really a shooting gallery and the old witch is hording all the junk.
They had me until the teacher talked about taking the story "to the next level."
(Just kidding. They never had me. Total bollocks, this.)
Wait, so the original Hansel and Gretel is traditional Christmas fare over in the United Kingdom of Stabdonia? Do they do the bit where they burn the witch alive in her oven?
And yeah, I'm getting a terrifying Jodie-Foster-in-Taxi-Driver vibe from the l'il yobette Gretel.
That reminds me, I need to pick up some Cola Pips on the way home from work.
Slingshot designed by Vivienne Westwood. Defenceless Elderly Woman played by Vivienne Westwood.
60-foot penis painted on roof.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/newsbeat/newsid_7961000/7961224.stm
So who has more knifecrime - New Jersey or England? As Arsenio used to say, things that make you go "Hhmmm?"
Let's see...the Daily Mail churns out idiotic non-stories designed to enrage fuckwits and knob-ends, you reprint them, and then we all (because we're not fuckwits and knob-ends, oh no) get to be tremendously witty. Is that how it works?