This is Going to be the Best Thanksgiving Ever
Walmart's $20 Thanksgiving feast includes:
* One 12-pound Grade A turkey*
* Three 11 to 15.5-ounce cans Green Giant vegetables
* Two 14-ounce cans Ocean Spray cranberry sauce
* Three 6-ounce boxes of Stove Top stuffing
* One 5-pound bag of red potatoes
* One 12-count package of Sara Lee dinner rolls
* One 22-ounce pumpkin roll cake
*Prices and availability may vary in AK, HI, OK, NM, WI and at Walmart.com. Prices on select Grade A turkeys begin November 4; limit two turkeys per customer; weights and brands vary by store.
Related:
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Dude, pumpkin roll cake is AWLSOME! http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/pumpkin-roll-cake-recipe2/index.html
Could somebody help me have any idea what I'm talking about? Vague memory of Somebody On TV's saying Somebody Else was so intensely good that she'd had a turkey named after her by maybe a famous chef or something? Gawd, what is it that's in my brain.
Nigella Lawson
Yes! Thank you! But what does that even mean and who named the turkey Nigella Lawson?
Also, about 5 seconds before reading this, I ordered myself a $90 "heritage" turkey. Which pretty much made me a giant asshole before, but now definitely does. Luckily, I just realized that I'm going to have to pick up all 20 blood-soaked pounds of it in a very subway inaccesible part of Brooklyn. So, instant karma!
Gordan Ramsey named it. Because he is a crazy?
I need to buy a turkey! I decided to have all my NYC friends who don't feel like traveling to my apartment for collective first autonomous Thanksgiving.
I can watch my relatives get drunk and be passive-aggressive anytime, they're just dressed better on Thanksgiving and I don't feel like taking the bus to New Jersey or flying to Vermont – after spending seven hours on the tarmac at JFK (could've driven) I told my mother never again. Chanukah, sure – but never Thanksgiving.
That's pretty much what I'm doing, as I hate both travel and family. I got mine through Brooklyn Kitchens. If you can deal with feeling like a super food-douche, the bird should be pretty delicious. Plus apparently it is an Amish turkey, so it will come complete with authentic American religious crazy! And you get to pick it up at a place called the Meat Hook, which has at least a 70% chance of accidentally turning into a gay bar.
SOLD!
Not directly related, but I always question Wal Mart's motives especially when they claim they're altruistic.
http://www.newyorker.com/talk/financial/2009/11/09/091109ta_talk_surowiecki
That is a large quantity of food for $20.
Add $45 for imported olives from Zabars. Now it's a meal!
Nothing like some canned vegetables and a can of jiggly cranberry jelly for the best meal of the year!
Confession: I actually like both the smooth and the chunky cranberry sauce.
Smooth cranberry sauce is the best. Nothing like cutting off a can-shaped slice of Ocean Spray.
Someone really should tell The Poors that it's not expensive to get real green beans and make real stuffing – even The Poors shouldn't settle for canned veggies and dehydrated stuffing. HAVE SOME DIGNITY, CLETUS.
But they love one-stop-shopping.
But even the veggies are canned you have no expectation of quality and you will not be disappointed.
"But if…"
Whatever are they to do with those potatoes, cook them? Why the hell couldn't it be five pounds of tater tots, just to complete this (pre-)fab dinner?
(I know they have to cook the turkey as well.)
Another example of Walmart doing a disservice to its intended market. Where's the Deep Fried Turkey?
Turkey comes raw. You got to fry it yourself.
The turkey fryer goes under the "entertainment" budget, not the "food" budget.
Yes, along with the fire extinguisher and baking soda.
I feel like such a lazy bastard going out for Thanksgiving this year.
I give thanks that other people like to cook, even if they make me pay them to do it for me. I would so go out for Thanksgiving if I were The Family Dictator!
I'd actually like to cook, but I see no point in making turkey for me, the man and our one friend (a vegetarian) who's going to be in town and not eat half the meal anyway. Thus, I shall waddle home from the prix fixe special two blocks away, thankful someone else is doing the dishes.
Depressing.
I wonder if there is anyone reading this who will actually take advantage of this opportunity, and if so, will you admit it?
Cuz I'm not judging.
It sounds like an extremely good deal for so much food. $20 wouldn't get you a heritage organic holy water blessed virgin turkey from whole foods, much less the amount of single malt it will take to wash away the bad feelings from spending a day with your family.
I would consider it, if I were considering cooking a turkey. Stick the canned goods in the pantry, buy fresh veggies, better cranberry sauce, have my mom bring stuffing and a pie, and we're good to go.
Twenty dollars does leave lots of money remaining for the traditional favorite after-meal coke binge.
gobble, gobble!
You know, while this is probably doing a disservice similar to that disservice Wal-mart's low prices usually do the world's small businesses, manufacturers, and, well, the physical planet, this will be a godsend to people who can't budget a single meal in the week for over a Jackson this year.
And, I can tell you, some years my father's small business did less well than others, and my parents were very good at hiding the whole poverty line dance. Some picky eaters might not notice that the vegetables are canned and the stuffing is not homemade this year, because they only eat a wing and all the skin off the turkey anyway.