Robots Taking Over Sooner Than Expected–They Got Janet, Too!


I’m starting to think that the singularity has already occurred and I just didn’t notice it up to this point. Apparently, computer intelligence has already gotten more advanced that the human brain and figured out how to fuse itself with human cell tissue and that the robots are already reprogramming themselves and re-enhancing themselves and regenerating themselves-into today’s leading hip-hop and R&B stars.

It should have been obvious, I guess, when all that autotune started making Hot 97’s broadcast sound like one long conversation between HAL and C-3PO. But our carbon-based brains are simple, and usually require physical evidence to be convinced. Still, no one really noticed that Beyonce had a robot hand after she morphed into Sasha Fierce mode last year.

beyonce robot

The, maybe a month ago, Chris Brown displayed his own prosthetic claw-piece, one that traveled higher up the arm.

chris brown

When Lil Wayne and Swizz Beatz joined him in transforming into cybertronic Autobot sports cars and firetrucks in the video for the hit “I Can Transform Ya,” I started to suspect something fishy was going on. Normal rappers and R&B stars can’t turn into sports cars and fire trucks. The cover to 50 Cent’s new album, Before I Self Destruct, makes it pretty apparent, too, as his synthetic outer layer cracks apart and melts away, revealing the titanium core within.

50 cent

Now the lovable, sweet-voiced, former child star Janet Jackson has apparently disassembled and rebuilt herself as a bionic half-woman-half-machine with shiny, metal, six-million-dollar shoulder hinges-as evidenced by the snippet from the video to her new single, “Make Me.”

We’re totally dead.