It is my first haiku… may have gone wrong somewhere.

I guess that Hirschberg’s point is Things Transmute..?
Both crushes and the crushees take a bow.
The kneepad leggings gone that were so cute.
The Jolies meet the Jolier Than Thou.

Red Lobster Biscuits yield to Truffled Fries
And a propensity for bad tattoos 
(“We L.O.L. at gilded butterflies”)
Give way to smarts, re: “boobies on read-thrus”

So in this way one changes tit for tat:
There ought to be a German word for that.

Our Resident troubadour should have no problem with any of these.

Alex Balk,
Is wont to talk
Of bears and booze and Brits;
Listen well,
You'll be less stupid than with other wits.

Alex Balk,
Has blood like caulk,
His arteries are clogging,
He loves his chips
And beer and fags, and isn't one for jogging.

Alex Balk,
Would never stalk
A faithful female reader;
She'd pursue him
Immodestly, begging him to breed her.

Alex Balk,
Is known to walk
Around the streets of Soho,
Kissing babies,
Shaking hands, and slapping every Boho.

Alex Balk
Requires no chalk
When he's playing pool:
He grinds the cue
With his sharp wit and scatters every fool.