The Awl

TerseNursePornstein on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

TerseNursePornstein — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:43:37 +0000

Oooh I love Ask an Expert!

seoulman on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

seoulman — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:35:17 +0000

Some seriously lyrical poetic $#!%... I will be your acolyte forever if you throw in a Megan Fox Haiku and Cinquain.

Ronit on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Ronit — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:53:56 +0000

Best Megan Fox-related poem I've read, ever.

NominaStultorum on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

NominaStultorum — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:13:31 +0000

Perhaps too somber, but: set to the tune of Townes Van Zandt's "Tecumseh Valley"? It fits, if you know it.

egad on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

egad — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 08:35:42 +0000

While of Balk I'm sure; Tranvestite ruse of one Fox casts doubt on all men. It is my first haiku... may have gone wrong somewhere.

iplaudius on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

iplaudius — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:51:08 +0000

That was tribute. A commenter writes nothing without inspiration; your ode was ingenious.

oudemia on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

oudemia — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:02:49 +0000

Bravo, sir.

oudemia on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

oudemia — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:01:27 +0000

Scansion! Maybe: And please could you show us some leg.

iplaudius on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

iplaudius — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:51:59 +0000

Thank you, but I love my number - neither woman Nor man can take it away from me.

missdelite on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

missdelite — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 18:27:19 +0000

Well...you got my page view.

Bittersweet on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Bittersweet — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 18:05:41 +0000

Wow. Kudos.

formerly it takes a lot etc. on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

formerly it takes a lot etc. — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:42:23 +0000

You can have my commenter number if you want it, though 1066 is pretty cool.

Patrick M on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Patrick M — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:27:15 +0000

ThatÃ‚Â cherryÃ‚Â madeÃ‚Â myÃ‚Â brainÃ‚Â screamÃ‚Â Ã¢â‚¬Å“SherilynÃ‚Â Fenn!Ã¢â‚¬Â WhenÃ‚Â IÃ‚Â sawÃ‚Â itÃ‚Â inÃ‚Â GQÃ‚Â magazine. IÃ‚Â neverÃ‚Â willÃ‚Â forgetÃ‚Â her;Ã‚Â thenÃ‚Â again, IÃ‚Â hadÃ‚Â toÃ‚Â googleÃ‚Â Ã¢â‚¬Å“BrianÃ‚Â AustinÃ‚Â GreenÃ¢â‚¬Â. IÃ‚Â guessÃ‚Â thatÃ‚Â HirschbergÃ¢â‚¬â„¢sÃ‚Â pointÃ‚Â isÃ‚Â ThingsÃ‚Â Transmute..? BothÃ‚Â crushesÃ‚Â andÃ‚Â theÃ‚Â crusheesÃ‚Â takeÃ‚Â aÃ‚Â bow. TheÃ‚Â kneepadÃ‚Â leggingsÃ‚Â goneÃ‚Â thatÃ‚Â wereÃ‚Â soÃ‚Â cute. TheÃ‚Â JoliesÃ‚Â meetÃ‚Â theÃ‚Â JolierÃ‚Â ThanÃ‚Â Thou. RedÃ‚Â LobsterÃ‚Â BiscuitsÃ‚Â yieldÃ‚Â toÃ‚Â TruffledÃ‚Â Fries AndÃ‚Â aÃ‚Â propensityÃ‚Â forÃ‚Â badÃ‚Â tattoosÃ‚Â (Ã¢â‚¬Å“WeÃ‚Â L.O.L.Ã‚Â atÃ‚Â gildedÃ‚Â butterfliesÃ¢â‚¬Â) GiveÃ‚Â wayÃ‚Â toÃ‚Â smarts,Ã‚Â re:Ã‚Â Ã¢â‚¬Å“boobiesÃ‚Â onÃ‚Â read-thrusÃ¢â‚¬Â SoÃ‚Â inÃ‚Â thisÃ‚Â wayÃ‚Â oneÃ‚Â changesÃ‚Â titÃ‚Â forÃ‚Â tat: ThereÃ‚Â oughtÃ‚Â toÃ‚Â beÃ‚Â aÃ‚Â GermanÃ‚Â wordÃ‚Â forÃ‚Â that.

Alex Balk on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Alex Balk — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:40:46 +0000

Jesus. Next time I'm just gonna let you guys do these posts while I sit back and watch YouTube.

Mary Mouse on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Mary Mouse — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:20:24 +0000

I am going to print this out and place it inside an anthology of poetry. I am.

Mindpowered on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Mindpowered — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:39:42 +0000

To Music Please. Now. Our Resident troubadour should have no problem with any of these.

garge on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

garge — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:25:17 +0000

Since you really got to the heart of it all, here, I am not going to be That Guy and say, "Pushkinian sonnet?"

#56 on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

#56 — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:24:41 +0000

i don't think i could love you more.

hockeymom on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

hockeymom — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:15:23 +0000

You slay me.

iplaudius on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

iplaudius — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:13:43 +0000

Alex Balk, Like Jonas Salk, Can help inoculate you: An inch of scotch, A cigarette, and one broad to fellate you. Alex Balk, Is wont to talk Of bears and booze and Brits; Listen well, You'll be less stupid than with other wits. Alex Balk, Has blood like caulk, His arteries are clogging, He loves his chips And beer and fags, and isn't one for jogging. Alex Balk, Would never stalk A faithful female reader; She'd pursue him Immodestly, begging him to breed her. Alex Balk, Is known to walk Around the streets of Soho, Kissing babies, Shaking hands, and slapping every Boho. Alex Balk Requires no chalk When he's playing pool: He grinds the cue With his sharp wit and scatters every fool.

Tulletilsynet on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Tulletilsynet — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:12:47 +0000

A lovely Horatian turn at the end.

Alex Balk on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Alex Balk — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:08:30 +0000

Pretty movie star Why do you confuse us with Brian Austin Greene?

hockeymom on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

hockeymom — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:05:26 +0000

Can you, haiku?

Natasha Vargas-Cooper on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Natasha Vargas-Cooper — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:40:12 +0000

So many! <3

mathnet on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

mathnet — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:29:32 +0000

I mean but I like it!

mathnet on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

mathnet — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:29:08 +0000

Now see I thought you were heading toward "chicks."

josh_speed on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

josh_speed — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:28:51 +0000

Niiice!

Setec Astrology on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Setec Astrology — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:27:04 +0000

so much depends upon a young film starlet glazed with lip gloss for whom Balk's pulse quickens.

Moff on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Moff — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:25:04 +0000

Clearly, what I need is a "VAGINA EXAMINER" T-shirt. Spring break!

Slava on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Slava — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:21:33 +0000

I just mentally replace "clocks" with "cocks" and it still makes perfect sense to me.

mathnet on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

mathnet — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:18:54 +0000

Girl could use a good vagina exam.

Moff on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Moff — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:17:15 +0000

I wish she'd go in and out with me.

belltolls on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

belltolls — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:14:16 +0000

Ogden Nash would have approved this message.

LondonLee on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

LondonLee — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:11:56 +0000

I know, the last verse was begging for it with "box" and "clocks" - must try harder, see me after class.

mathnet on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

mathnet — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:09:50 +0000

BUT I'M NOT JEALOUS

mathnet on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

mathnet — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:08:52 +0000

Megan Fox, whom Alex jocks, Is worthy of attention. She laughs and moves and even talks. Too many skills to mention!

Bucko on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Bucko — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:04:26 +0000

I'm shocked that you didn't use the word cocks. Major self-control dude.

NotAndersonCooper on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

NotAndersonCooper — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:00:50 +0000

I fear a new meme.

Alex Balk on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Alex Balk — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:57:57 +0000

There once was an actress named Meg Who made all the newspapers beg "Can we profile you? 'Cause our sales will accrue. And also, could you show some leg?"

Natasha Vargas-Cooper on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Natasha Vargas-Cooper — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:57:31 +0000

ALEXANDER. BALK. !!! Ed Hardy heroic couplet, plz.

Dave Bry on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Dave Bry — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:54:06 +0000

"Megan Fox is such a wild babe/(Giggles) But what's in a name?" That poem is excellent.

Alex Balk on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

Alex Balk — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:52:21 +0000

Well, you said users wanted more poetry.

GiovanniGF on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

GiovanniGF — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:52:02 +0000

I think a limerick would have sufficed.

David Cho on Ode To A Hot Chick From The Movies

David Cho — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:51:45 +0000

Wow.