Thursday, November 19th, 2009

Lard-Assed Nation's Waffle Inventory Depleted

Maybe now we can start talking about the serious effects of global warming. This is an OUTRAGE.

17 Comments / Post A Comment

"THEY DON'T HAVE MY FLAVOR!" says a grown man. Hilarity.
And I request a "How your waffles get made" tag, please.

bshep (#746)

Like George Bush Sr., "Dave Simpkins, Waffle Lover" reminds every woman of her first husband.

garge (#736)

Or their last boyfriend.

Also, "Lindsay Logan"?
COME on!

EvilMonkey (#1,063)

Once our ability to manufacture shitty food that kills us has waned, what else is there to keep our great nation from falling into third world status? This sounds like a socialist plot to make us healthier and reduce long term medical costs. If I wanted to starve to death from lack of instant gratification, I'd move to one of those fucking socialist European countries. What's next, we suddenly "lose the ability" to make Budweiser and donuts?

HiredGoons (#603)

I suspect the socialist International House of Pancakes is behind this.

beingiseasy (#1,735)

obviously a front for an international syndicate, maybe the fabled One World Government? headed by Sarkozy and Aunt Jemima…?

I beg to differ. Eggos are not waffles. They are noxious cardboard disks which have been embossed with a three-dimensional grid pattern.

But I'm with you on the outrage bit. Damn global warming getting all up in my cardboard disks and all.

RocketSurgeon (#1,632)

Real news headlines are getting closer and closer to The Onion every day.

January (#2,262)

Totally! I did a double take on the logo.

HiredGoons (#603)

"Leggo my Eggo before I slice your carotid and drink from it like a water fountain!!!"

Shirkimer (#423)

I'm glad that the folks at Kellogg's are working "around the clock'" to solve the problem, but it seems to me that the most obvious solution is to simply fill in the Chattahoochee River with cement and be done with it.

Mindpowered (#948)

Better yet, pipe it to California or Nevada so they cam grow lettuce in Death Valley.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

These idiots must have missed class the day that the Choire Culinary School taught us all how to make our OWN DAMN WAFFLES!

First, make the batter by throwing together a handful of flower, half a handful of sugar, eggs (chicken eggs best, but eggs from any animal will do) and buttermilk into a bowl. Don't have buttermilk? Put a cup of milk outside overnight. Put a screen over the top to keep the neighborhood stray out of it. WARNING – howling cats may keep you up all night.

Second, make a waffle iron. You don't need some fancy-schmancy Williams-Sonoma iron will do. Any patterned piece of metal will do. I use a manhole cover I found on the street. Light a fire under your iron, wait for it to get hot, and voila, you have waffles.

Bittersweet (#765)

Bravo, sir (madam?). The handful of 'flower' may not mix well with the sugar and eggs, though.

Now they won't need a picture of Jesus' burnt in face to get on eBay.

ecgroom (#570)

How we can get 'them' to come over to 'our' side: Less Palin. More waffles.

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