Knifecrime Island Hottie Naughty?
This, people, is ENGLAND. Some British chick with the awesomely cattywampus name of Kelly Askew got pinched by Mancunian cops for trying to smuggle over £627,000 worth of cocaine in a green plastic bag in the passenger side of her Mercedes. While she is pleading ignorance and throwing her shotty-sitting boyfriend under the bus claiming that the drugs were his, she is obviously a criminal mastermind with the face of an angel if that angel was just OK in the face. Not only was she holding a GRIP of blow, she was canny enough to stay being on welfare despite collecting checks for "on rare occasions" doing "a bit of modeling." Whatevs, you know she's suspect since she was clipped leaving that place where only rainmakers go-the most dazzlingly lucrative and exciting commercial hub in the history of history a.k.a. the cocaine capital of the world a.k.a. Yorkshire.
Alright, I get it. You saw Oceans Thirteen. But when you're writing about England, please write in hot dish.
She looks like Isabelle Adjani in Herzog's 'Nosferatu.'
No. I appreciate an attractive Brit brunette as much as the next man, but no. That comparison approaches the Jennifer-Love-Hewitt-as-Audrey-Hepburn outer reaches of wrongness.
I don't know, isn't everyone on welfare in England?
My (American) friend is on tour in Europe and had a kidney stone (!!!) in England, and said NHS is amazing.
It is! I don't even live there anymore but on one trip home I fell down some steps in Trafalgar Square and broke my foot (I was very drunk), went to the hospital and got it fixed right up no questions asked.
Don't know if we should be doing the same for you bloody foreigners though.
We're not the foreigners, you are! Please remember that!
Is it possible to say 'Trafalgar' without sounding drunk?
I love me some NHS, but they do not seem to be treating her jaundice.
Throw the Kindle at her!
She had her collar felt by an airport rozzer!
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Nostrils
Those of us who live on Knifecrime island but never see a lethal knife outside the kitchen continue to be mildly amused by your knifecrime riff, but if you continue to confuse Lancashire and Yorkshire I may knife you myself. Repeat after me: she was arrested IN Bolton, Lancashire, going TO Yorkshire.
Anyway, you missed the most interesting stuff. The Merc, apparently, "is a pretty reasonable car for someone in her position, with young children and on state benefits"; but none of the bottom feeders who read the Daily Mail thought this worthy of comment. Plus she has a pink and black Nokia.
interesting? but it's only a C220.
I live in the US but I've never been shot to death. Crazy, huh?
Bolton is to Manchester as the Meadowlands are to Manhattan.
I know about this knife crime. While in England, I was kicked, punched, shoved, puked on, fondled, and otherwise physically molested but never once stabbed.
I feel totally gypped.
Yes, but it was the prosecutor who said that. Someone who had his heart in the job would have made driving anything classier than a 15-year-old Mondeo sound like a crime in itself.
Can we combine British-Awl-post-styles and get a Wodehousian perspective on knifecrime? Please?
Jeeves and the Unkindest Cut of All…is that a real story, or did I make it up?