Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
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Hot For Fall (Hahaha, Get It?): Japanese USB Breast Warmers

I am NOT going to make a NIPPON jokeCombining their twin obsessions of technology and lady parts, Japanese inventors have harnessed their talents to come up with these USB breast warmers, which, as you would expect, are at the cutting edge of USB breast-warming mechanization science. Sometimes I feel like "Japan" is one of the greatest, longest-lasting "Punk'd" episodes ever. [Via the must-read Topless Robot.]

32 Comments / Post A Comment

garge (#736)

God, I just stood up the other day at work, forgetting I had headphones plugged into my laptop, and nearly sent the entire contents of my desk crashing. This would would be even more embarrassing.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

Or it would be sexy …just imagine standing up too fast as the breast warmer struggles to get free, bursting every button off your blouse and popping your bra open. Your warmed breasts tumble out as you knock over a bottle of water which steams as it splashes over your ladies.

Also, all of this happens in slo-mo.

garge (#736)

I may need a bustier stand-in to shoot this scene. Please forward CV and pics to mailto:notes@theawl.com

mathnet (#27)

This is reasonable. If I were a Japanese man, I'd want warm tits on my doll too.

Bittersweet (#765)

Seems like there's a simpler, less accident-prone way to avoid nippage. But this is still pretty darn awesome.

GiovanniGF (#224)

How many Gigabytes do they hold?

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

So, Japanese scientists … how can I toast my nuts safely?

BoHan (#29)

There should be an App for that.

Flashman (#418)

Flashman's comment used racist slang and has been removed – Moderator

mathnet (#27)

You guys, wait though!! What if my McGuffys get chilly while I'm not at my computer? Ha! Silly. I'm never not at my computer! (Want to touch my tits?
Please?)

Baboleen (#1,430)

From the photo it looks like a breast (as in one breast, not the other) warmer.

kneetoe (#1,881)

No, the bra is the breast warmer, the other thing is there to keep you from escaping from your computer.

Baboleen (#1,430)

Thanks for the clarification.

kneetoe (#1,881)

No problem. I'm actually a certified breast warmer technician.

Was gonna say. What ever happened to the good old (someone else's) hand under the sweater?

kneetoe (#1,881)

That's my specialty!

Tuna Surprise (#573)

Or what about the double cup?

This is how I like 'em warmed:

http://adland.tv/content/hold-my-boobs-please

atipofthehat (#797)

She should see someone about that left arm.

cherrispryte (#444)

A semi-personal question for the other lady Awlers – do your tits ever get that cold? (Or at least, significantly colder than the rest of your body?) …

Is there any demand for this product whatsoever? Do the Japanese have something against hard nipples?

mathnet (#27)

No. I'm thinking Peggy will come up with a different benefit for Don and the rest of us in a day or so.

Baboleen (#1,430)

Not necessarily cold, but the headlights are always on high beam.

garge (#736)

I work in an old building with terrible climate control; the temp hovers around 65.. I am wearing fingerless gloves at present. I have been wondering, is it unprofessional to have perpetually erect nipples?

Tuna Surprise (#573)

I think it's a tad unprofessional (probably depends on how good looking you are). I usually wear sweater bras to work to stop nip attacks.

Flashman (#418)

I use duct tape.

Bittersweet (#765)

Barely There padded push-up bras – they're anti-nip magic.

garge (#736)

I appreciate the feedback. The trouble is, when you are a smallish person, the padded bras seem clownish. Usually I wear many layers, or a yoga top, but sometimes I just feel like the goddamned kid in A Christmas Story.

The Japanese need to come up with something like seamless underwear for nips!

cherrispryte (#444)

I can't give you a direct link because I'm at work, but google "silicone nipple covers".

Bittersweet (#765)

I thought so too at first, garge, but the Barely Theres counter nippage and provide a mildly enhanced silhouette without making you look like an escapee from a Victoria's Secret ad.

They should totes hire me to hawk their products.

The only possible useful application of this technology that I can think of is if there was a guy with some kind of finger sensors transmitting some kind of massage stimulation through those wires to that heating pad.

sox (#652)

now that i could spend some cash on!

Abe Sauer (#148)

I'll see your Japanese boob warmer and raise you a Japanese shocker glove
http://zozo.jp/shop/stless/goods.html?gid=513772&did=&cid=114

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