Comments on: The Woodchipper, by Claude Vordell, Former Manager of the Applebee's in Bozeman, MT

By: crotchety

crotchety — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:59:28 +0000

As a matter of fact, life is nottoo short to split hairs semantically. For some of us that's all there is.

By: crotchety

crotchety — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:56:16 +0000

I have the feeling that when the server says "no problem" he is implying that he thinks I as the customer care and have expressed such care about whether it's a problem for him or not. I didn't ask if he was having a problem, I simply thanked him.

By: My Number Is My Address

My Number Is My Address — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:45:25 +0000

Okey dokey. Howzabout "no sweat?"

With this kind of attitude I wouldn't expect to be thanked at all. After all, they are being PAID to do it. This kind of person make me sick. Sick like The Scorpions.

By: hnice

hnice — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:00:48 +0000

First of all, you can't just gerrymander 'real america' around everyone you don't think is a tool. Real America is full of Real American douches.

Second of all, you're exactly right. Has anyone else here had a recent born-again hatred of anyone trying to be smart or refined? It's shit like this, it's like, the next person I see with a willingness to publicly-self-identify as a 'foodie', i mean, it makes me ashamed to know anything about anything.

By: Bittersweet

Bittersweet — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 17:33:38 +0000

Doubtful. E.B. is probably spinning in his grave about all this.

By: claude_vordell

claude_vordell — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 01:45:05 +0000

…none taken! Thank you.

By: CB

CB — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 01:11:11 +0000

OK – so shoulda proofed that before clicking POST.

Sorry.
No problem.

By: CB

CB — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 01:08:44 +0000

Dear Claude – you, sir, are a jackass. No problem is a poorly expressed communication. It is appropriate in situations such as this:

Q: Is there a problem? Will the atomic reactor explode?
A: No problem. Everything is Okey-dokey.

By any stretch of the imagination, it is not an appropriate response to the phrase: "Thank You." It's almost as if there response "No Problem" is a misunderstanding by the person of the original statement.

"Thank you for for saving my life with the donation of your kidney."

You choose the answer which best communicates to the person giving the thank you, that you 1) heard what they said. 2) understand what they waid 3) are graciously accepting their thanks

Choice 1. "No problem."
Choice 2. "You're welcome."

Which builds a sense of connection and engages one-to-the-other in a social contract and which refutes the other and dismisses their feelings?

It's not about the server it's about the customer. The Customer said "Thank YOU." What will you do, dismiss their thoughtful verbal appreciation or dismiss it?

And all communication is not to be glossed over. Saying what you think, feel and mean – with tempered courtesy and thoughtful manner – is an important plank in a civil discourse.

So now…shall I retract my statement that the author is a jackass? After all he used that term for me – dismissed me before even considering what the bigger issues are involved. A jack-ass is a cross-breed, an animal that is good for one purpose and cannot re-produce. Sterile and disconnected from the bigger fabric and purposes belonging to all things truly living… Nope. He's a jack-ass.

By: demonx

demonx — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:52:57 +0000

this is a wise analysis.

By: Abe Sauer

Abe Sauer — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:19:17 +0000

Actually, no there it is not; though I suppose you Montana rubes think the Barnes and Noble Cafe that "through an exclusive arrangement with Starbucks is the only bookseller serving America's premier coffee brand" counts as a Starbucks. And just to double check, I called the city's Target as many Target stores feature full-fledged Starbucks. Bozeman's does not.

By: claude_vordell

claude_vordell — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:23:32 +0000

There's one in the barnes and noble in the Gallatin Valley mall. I am sitting here now, waiting for the blades in my woodchipper to be sharpened. Also I travel two ways: (1) internationally and (2) nationally, giving lectures, and I happen to visit many Starbucks locations.

By: Pants McCracky

Pants McCracky — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:57:44 +0000

This "no problem" thing is being horribly overthought by all parties involved. Whatever mental gymnastics one has to come up with in order to justify their dislike of the phrase, what it boils down to is the word "problem." Merely uttering the word, even in the context of denying its existence, rings a sour note. Imagine if a waiter set a plate in front of you and said, "There is absolutely no fecal material in this dish." While literally true, and reassuring knowledge, it's not something most diners really want to hear.

That's why the best response to "thank you" in a restaurant is "my pleasure." Whether literally true or not (I'm guessing it's generally not — what would probably most pleasure the waiter is the diners finishing their fucking food and getting out of there, after leaving a gigantic tip), the utterance of the word "pleasure" gives the diner a little frisson of warmth.

These phrases are pleasantries — not meant to be thought about in any depth, but tossed back and forth and immediately forgotten. The literal meaning of these words doesn't matter so much as their superficial "mouth feel."

By: bmichael

bmichael — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:07:14 +0000

I think this 'no problem' business (soon to go the way of 'no homo' and 'persona non gratis,' ie, sayings that indicate the person saying is someone from whom you want to 'beat a retreat') originated, as with all horrible, horrible faux-moralistic usage advice, with Strunk/White. At least I hope it did.

By: Uncle Billy Slumming

Uncle Billy Slumming — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 11:20:31 +0000

This was a single easy piece.

By: alexp

alexp — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 06:28:23 +0000

To say that "no problem" implies that the server would not have performed a problematic request is false in both the common sense and literal interpretations. Common sense tells you that "no problem" just something many people say when thanked. The common Spanish reply to "gracias" is "de nada," which, literally translated, is "of nothing." Pretty close to "no problem."
If we are being literal, "no problem" actually implies that the task was not a problem, and if it had been the server would not have chosen not to do it, but simply responded with a different reply.

By: phlox

phlox — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 05:47:00 +0000

Claude, this essay/rant/chide is something that Zombie Bill Safire would be proud of.
Thank you for taking the time to write it.

FWIW I do use "no worries" when a client/customer is being problematic.

By: demonx

demonx — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:44:13 +0000

"no problem" or "not a problem": both are awful. so is the psuedo australian "no worries". the problem is that the phrase implies that had the request or service been somehow a problem, then the server wouldn't have done it. but it's your job, server, to do problematic things. that's why, in this little exchange of capital and commodity, you're the one getting paid and i'm the one paying. the phrase implies that the server is filtering between the problematic and non-problematic, and only deigning to do the latter. i thank you for doing something precisely because it is problematic: mildly annoying, tedious, repetitive, insistent …everything that i know that service job to be from my own experience on that side of the cash register. maybe aanother "thank YOU" is a better response if "you're welcome" feels too archaic…

By: Abe Sauer

Abe Sauer — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:19:43 +0000

…or comment editing function on The Awl….

By: Abe Sauer

Abe Sauer — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:19:00 +0000

There is no Stabucks in Bozeman, asshole.

By: Krugmanic Depressive

Krugmanic Depressive — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:05:35 +0000

" And that is why this column is called the Woodchipper"â€”Did not see that one coming.

By: beingiseasy

beingiseasy — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:24:12 +0000

BAM.

By: kitten_witawip

kitten_witawip — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:21:53 +0000

I thought Geishas just giggled a lot when not playing a shamisen.

By: Lindsay Robertson

Lindsay Robertson — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:01:48 +0000

Not that that's what Geishas do, just in case someone came to this comment section determined to find something to be horribly offended about.

By: Lindsay Robertson

Lindsay Robertson — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:58:41 +0000

Each person has their own conversational tic and says what he or she always says and can't really change it without getting an acting coach or something. Also, "my pleasure"? Seriously? That's practically dirty talk. They're servers, not Geishas.

By: HiredGoons

HiredGoons — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:32:26 +0000

Thank you.