Fiddler Crab's Pimp Claw Is Strong
Scientists have observed that female fiddler crabs will provide sex to neighboring males in exchange for protection from other crabs. The discovery is yet another example of females giving it up for goods and services in the animal kingdom: "Red-winged blackbirds do so for the right to forage on a male's territory," notes NewScientist, "and Adelie penguins exchange sex for stones to build their nests." Animals are whores. Whores!
There's a joke around here someplace about getting crabs from handjobs but I'm too cracked to figure it out.
The best protection from crabs is abstinence.
That, and washing jeans you buy from the thrift store before wearing.
Also, did you know you can get crabs on your eyelashes?
In my belief system abstinence includes the deviant practice of butterfly kisses.
How do you know?
I process books and serials for a medical library; you never know what horrifying imagery awaits when you open materials at random to install anti-theft strips.
What did you expect, lobster?
One semester while I was in college and living in the dorms we had a crabs outbreak and all of the matresses had to be thrown out, bedding clothing washed in crab disinfectant cuz regular detergent wouldn't cut it. IT WAS A MESS!!!
My pug Lulu drops her knickers for everyone.
My English teacher says some males do that too!
Former English teacher.
Father told me about it during Confession.
In the human world, that would be like a woman settling for an man who, while unattractive and unlovable, could nevertheless provide the material resources for her to live and raise children. It could never happen!
The woman may also believe (unrealistically) that the man may change if she takes care of him (like a whore/his mother did) along with the children, while working a full-time job cuz god knows they have to keep up with the other crabs in the kingdom until a tsunami comes and washes the slate clean.
If you are alarmed by the whorishness of fiddler crabs (hehe), you should abstain from reading about the wanton, insatiable and polymorphously perverse bonobo.
I can't wait to see what Mark Greif thinks about this.
He was hoping the gay penguins could give him some guidance in this matter.
Wait, maybe the male crabs protect the females because they like the girl next door, and they have sex because she thinks he's really cute (he's a male and so doesn't "think" or need a reason).
It's all just another way of saying "You're with me, Leather."
Next cage fight-Peacock Mantis Shrimp vs Fiddler Crab
Crab in a walkover–he'll go straight for the eyes…
I thought they were all about lateral movement, which would mean they're not going straight for anything. [LEAVES DOOR TO GAY JOKE WIDE OPEN FOR THE NEXT COMMENTER]